The last thing Dawn needs is an old lady like Mary Worth bossing her around while she's busy chillaxing with her young peeps. Her homeys would be like, "Gag me with a spoon. We are TEENS!"
Ghost pie. Delicious, but awkward. Dawn's fork has gone missing, and now her plate is starting to split apart. Her only option is to hold things together with her thumb.
Want to see something ironic?
Fight on and on ye Local men
Sons of Local fathers
We will win again
Keep your spirits high
Never bow a knee
We will fight till victory
Fight on and on ye Local men
Proudly raise your banners high
For it's the Pink and Mauve
Hail to our team
Santa Royale Locals fight!
(My apologies to SDSU.)
Let's count the ways Dawn's life has become more meaningful: 1) She has volunteered for college credit at the hospital for almost an entire hour. 2) She has successfully completed the volunteer orientation program. 3) She has had a conversation with a person who is different than herself.
Can life get any more meaningful than that?
Quoting the mother of female erotica is one way to open up this story of a young neophyte volunteering at the hospital, and meeting One Armed Jim. But I can't say that I actually approve.
The next panel is only included because it features a person of color, which happens about once every two years in this strip and is definitely worth noting.
"Please, help me... I'm being held here against my will. A mad scientist is conducting experimental studies in cyborg technology. I'm a prisoner... Please. Help."
Okay, true story: Last week I contracted poison ivy for the first time in my life. Both my arms are still covered with rashes. However, on Tuesday afternoon my arm started to swell and turn red, and on Wednesday morning, I said to my wife, "I think I need to see the doctor. I don't want to lose my arm." I was joking of course.
But thoughts of Jim circulated in my head.
While I sat in the doctor's waiting room, I read a story about Monte Irvin who played baseball for the New York Giants. When he was a teenager, he developed an infection in his arm, and the doctor was going to remove it, but his mother called on God and his arm was saved, and ultimately, so were the Giants.
When the doctor saw my arm, he gave me some shots and prescribed some medication but told me if it didn't start to get better by the morning, he was going to send me to the ER. "You don't want to lose your arm." He was dead serious.
I was thinking about the NPR story I recently heard about the Olympian archer without any arms.
Trust me... I was up most the night thinking of Monte Irvin and Jim and archery and my arm. I was thinking about how I'd have to wear Velcro shoes, and wouldn't be able to play the ukulele. I was having some long talks with God. But yesterday, I saw the doctor, and while my arm is still a bit swollen, it was doing much better and thanks to God and the wonders of modern medicine, my arm is saved!
"Help yourself. Because if there's one thing I've learned as an One Armed Man, it's that you can't expect people to do everything for you. You've got to be independent. Daddy won't always be there to solve your problems for you..."
Now, what do you think the moral of this story will be?
Aww, the meaningful life, leaning over the veranda, watching the boys sailing their boats.
Yet, there is something very lovely about this panel. It invoked a memory. I immediately flashed back to my childhood, lying on the deep shag of my parents' living room carpet, reading the Sunday comics. Peanuts, Blondie, The Wizard of Id. I didn't have a care in the world. No responsibilities, no stressful pressures demanding my time, just a vague sense that I was the most important person in the world.
I was just like Dawn.
You're gonna need some shoulder straps if you're going to volunteer at the hospital, Dawn. So, that's probably out, for at least one panel. And, what if Dave asks you out or something... no, I don't think the hospital is gonna work.
August 12, 2012 -- CLIMAX: Dawn and Wilbur finally stand on dry ground, and contemplate how their lives have been changed by their experiences aboard the sinking vessel.
August 13 - 19, 2012 -- DENOUEMENT: Mary Worth, Toby and Ian Cameron discuss their friends' remarkable rescue from the sinking vessel.
August 20 - 25, 2012 -- DENOUEMENT PART II: Wilbur and Dawn have dinner with Mary and discuss how silly she feels for being so silly about Dave breaking up with her. Also people were brutal and people were helpful aboard the sinking vessel.
August 26 - 29, 2012 -- DENOUEMENT PART III: Wilbur and J. Jonah Jameson discuss Wilbur's experiences aboard the sinking vessel, and plan a news story about his experiences.
August 29 - September 2, 2012 -- DENOUEMENT PART IV: Mary writes an advice column about overcoming tragedy, and allowing life's hardships transform us into people who help each other.
September 3 - ??? -- DENOUEMENT PART V: Mary and Dawn discuss Dawn's experience aboard the sinking vessel, and how people pulled together to help each other.
Because all really great stories include AT LEAST five scenes of denouement.
We've seen some pretty exciting keyboards in this week's chapter of our thrilling Life is Brutal story. I thought I'd gather them all up in one place just so I could reminisce. I don't know about you, but I've thoroughly enjoyed watching Mary and Wilbur type on these things.
I've worked so hard to give you order, to establish an existence of continual bliss and prosperity. If you, my minions, do not adhere to the Mary Worth creed, your species will cease to exist. I am Mary Worth. You are mine. You must obey.
Every dollar will go to rehabilitate Santa Royale's lost souls: Jill Black, Dan Smithers, Nola Wolvenson (REHABILITATED), Bonnie Johnson (REHABILITATED), Helen Clark and especially Wanders himself.