Internet secrets are never good for a marriage. You can't fix the problem until you know what the problem is. That's why Mary Worth and Me recommends PC Tattletale. It's easy to install and could just save your relationship. PC Tattletale secretly records everything your spouse does on the computer. Believe me, you aren't going to like it. But it is for the best.
This is what happens when you become completely dependent on others telling you what to do. When you try to do something on your own, without Mary Worth or your husband's beard there to show you how, you make decisions that will absolutely ruin your life for years to come. We've been screaming at you all week, Toby, but you aren't listening. Just think what'll happen when Professor Chinbeard finds out he's got no credit, he's in debt up to his eyeballs, his condo goes into foreclosure, his car is repossessed, and he's kicked off the faculty at Local University. Then he gets his DVD. Yup, he's going to be very pleased with his smart, resourceful soon-to-be ex-wife. This is going to be hilarious!
Internet safety quiz:
After all the attention Toby's credit card has gotten this week, I just have this image stuck in my head:
Toby sure knows a lot about computers and junk. Having completed her order at enormoushop.com for a used copy of Scotland narrated by Sean Finnery, she's off to demonstrate another way computers can be useful: Email. Email is short for electronic mail. From what I understand, email is like sending a letter using a computer. If someone else has a computer, you can use a special software program to send the letter directly to that person's computer. The panel above is confusing because she uses the phrase "SPAM and junk." We all know that SPAM is a processed meat product that comes in a can and is delicious. But in technical computer lingo, it can also mean email that the recipient does not wish to receive, sent by a stranger. Toby's redundant use of the phrase "Spam and junk" is merely to help us understand what she means by the word "Spam," which is generally sent for the purposes of selling illegal prescription drugs, promoting non-existent stocks, or recommending ways to increase your junk. But who needs more junk? Not me.
Like most Mary Worth fans, I've hesitated to use the Internets. It's pretty intimidating stuff. I've been especially nervous about shopping online, but if anyone has convinced me to give it a whirl, it's been Toby Cameron. What impresses me the most? How quick online shopping is. Three years from now, when her rare item arrives, Ian is going to be pleased with his smart, resourceful second-best wife.
I actually set up an e-store about eight months ago, but found that there was such little interest that I disbanded it. However, given the sudden theme of e-commerce in Mary Worth, I thought I'd let you all enjoy exploring Mary Worth's favorite online marketplace:
I have no idea who runs enormoushop.com, but they had it up within 30 minutes of the midnight launch of today's strip. In fact, according to godaddy.com, they had the site registered on August 1. Somebody had some inside information and used it for the betterment of the entire world. I suspect the Dharma Initiative.
We're all feeling the pain at the pump, and the fact that Toby drives a Mary Kay Pink Cadillac that takes only the most refined fossil fuel, and she refuses to use the self-service lane... well, that's going to max out her card right there. Tonight, she'll weep, "Oh, Ian. I couldn't get you a special present to suit your particular tastes because I maxed out my credit card on lunch for Mary Worth and a tank of gas! Waaaah!"
I don't know what to say anymore. Many faithful readers speculated that yesterday's episode ("Paying the Check") would actually lead to some sort of plot about identity theft. But no, it turns out, it really was just about paying the check. Today's episode ("Looking for a DVD") is slightly more exciting, but only because of that guy's ZAP shirt. Tomorrow's episode ("Finding a Gift on Amazon.com") will no doubt blow my mind. If the story had actually followed Mary Worth as she attended to her paperwork I think it may have been more exciting.