Mary Worth 337

Considering how they never have had anything remotely resembling a real conversation, I'm not sure that's very reassuring.

But, given the profound depth of their true love ways, I've added a Buddy Holly tune to the Charterstone Jukebox. Awesome.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 336

"My dear, sweet, stupid, stupid wife. Of course I still respect you... nearly half as much as I respect my colleague. I know how much that must mean to you. After all, my respect is what matters most. Now where's my dinner? And why isn't the kitchen re-tiled?"

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 335

I agree. Chicago is a great city (as anyone who was reading this blog last May when Donna Amalfi died knows). And I'm sure that the conference was definitely better than the goings on here in Santa Royale. But you don't want to trip over that low bar.

So now Toby has confessed to being careless with her identity. I'm afraid those of you hoping for a little domestic violence really will be disappointed.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 334

"Nothing's wrong, Ian. Just the Black Plague. It's very contagious."

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 333

What ever's necessary? Then you had better start tiling fast. There isn't much time since you wasted the entire week worrying about identity theft.

Toby has had a change in perspective, and so has her kitchen. The counter down is from a right angle, while the cupboard up is from the left. Great use of art as metaphor! This strip is genius. Pure artistic genius.

Brilliant Solution!

This just in: The Herald-Mail in Hagerstown, Maryland, has done something brilliant. They've moved Mary Worth from the comics page, to their "Break" page featuring advice columnists and horoscopes! That way, all those idiot comics readers who are expecting quick laughs will stop picking on her. And mature readers who are seeking ways to improve their lives, will find her where she belongs, amidst Ann Landers and Lovesick Annie and all the other do-gooders! This is a far better solution than just kicking her out of their publication.

If your paper has already cut Mary Worth, why don't you pass this idea along to them!

Mary Worth 332

Dear Dream Diary,

I dreamt I was married to that fat, pompous elderly grouch with the strange beard again. In the dream I was terribly intimidated by him. I didn't want him to think less of me, so I kept important information from him: Other people were spending our money; I like plaid; his ear hair disgusts me. But he discovered my secrets and exploded. I woke up in a cold sweat. At first, I was relieved to discover I was alone and my bed is too small to hold such a fat husband. Then I remembered: We sleep in separate beds! Oh, save me dream diary! Save me!

P.S. Tomorrow, I think I'll re-tile the kitchen.

Today's Full Strip.

Mary Worth 331

One day, I came to a bridge. As I began to cross it, I noticed my boat was rocking. How peculiar, I thought. I don't remember being in a boat. Suddenly, the train exploded down the line. "What train?" I asked out loud. "The metaphor train," Mrs. McGovern, my ninth grade English teacher answered from her grave. "Try as it might, it just can't seem to leave the station." But that's water under the bridge. Hey, we've come full circle!

Love Matters

My favorite radio program? Delilah, of course. I'm sure she's on a radio station near you, and you can find out by visiting Delilah.com. Whenever I'm out with my family, we tune in and the kids just laugh and laugh at the callers, who phone in with some sort of story about how their boyfriend broke up with them eleven months ago, but they love him so much and they're hopeful they can still work it out. And then Delilah tells them to get over it and thank God for their blessings and then plays an Air Supply song for them. I tell my kids to shut up and not laugh because she's a do-gooder fixing everybody's problems and the world needs more do-gooders. Sounds like a familiar old meddler we all know and love, doesn't it?

If you visit Delilah.com, be sure to click the "Sounds to Hear" link that has a whole bunch of recordings of Delilah's callers sharing their hearts and souls.

Mary Worth 330

Dear Dream Diary,

I had the nightmare again last night. I was wandering through the Santa Royale Forbidden Jungle of Fear. I was filled with such emptiness and blackness. I leaned against something to steady myself, and I nearly swooned when I discovered I was leaning against a casket! I opened it, and inside was my Identity, dead as a door nail and laughing at me. I began to run. Time moved so slowly that the Santa Royale Glacier caught up with me from behind. But that's not the worst part: Mary Worth was there, and she kept trying to convince me that I was married to an old, fat, pompous man with a chin beard. Then I woke up, and it was true! Oh, save me dream diary, save me!