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"Fortunately, our company doesn't use accountants, so there was no way to disprove my claim. Heh heh."

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Giddy! Giddy! Giddy! "Let me tell you what I did!" is every bit as tantalizing as "Let me tell you a story!" Don't you think? Especially when we know it will include criminally prosecutable acts of perjury, embezzlement and slander! Nola likes to wait until the second date before disclosing information she should go to prison for.

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With just a little over 24 hours to go, Mary begins selecting the perfect outfit for her lunch with Nola. But there's so much choose from, so many colors, so many different necklines, so many sleeve lengths... How will Mary ever decide? One thing is certain though: Tomorrow's lunch will feature two spectacularly clad ladies. This is so exciting!

One tip, Mary: Harriet Carter (Distinctive Gifts Since 1958) can help you save space in that tiny IKEA closet you've got there.

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Really? REALLY? I can't even begin to parse today's strip and the inappropriateness of every word that comes out of Victor Von Underling (thank you Sandi Ego) and Colleen Colleague's mouths. Not to mention my discomfort with Nola's rising hemline. However, I'm sure you'll have something clever (and family friendly) to say.

By the way, if you haven't registered as a Santa Royale Citizen yet, please do! We are a tax-free community.

Now, I'm going to go listen to the Charterstone Jukebox and cool off.

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You never can tell about people. Remember Wayne the Kidnapper? I was stunned when it turned out just over a month ago that he was an actual kidnapper. Or that Aldo Kelrast was a stalker? Or that Liza with a Zzzzzz was a stalker. Or Gina Baroni was a stalker. Or that Mike Roberts was a stalker.

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Ms. Bleu-Cheveux and Mr. Stroke need to keep in mind that selling middle managements isn't easy. Nola will make an excellent VP.

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There's something about Nola's silent laugh and the effort with which she uses actual quotation marks in her mind that makes me think she may have "EARNED" her promotion in less than ethical ways. But maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt.

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Yes, we'll have to wait to find out how Miss Nola became a hunchback.

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You know, I think Mary Worth has identified my problem. I've always suffered from a deep sense of inadequacy, and that is probably why I write this blog, when what I really want to do is write Mary Worth. And the first thing I would do is get Mary Worth to stop identifying my PROBLEMS!

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I like many of you am disappointed that today didn't begin with Nola saying to Mary Worth, "Mary, let me tell you a story." However, I am not disappointed to discover that Toby keeps a copy of "Cooking for Dumb Blondes" on her kitchen counter (There is no doubt we are in Toby's apartment; a woman who can whip up a mean vegetable terrine does not need a "Cook Book for Dumb Old Ladies").

I'm stunned at Nola's scandalous influence on Mary's plunging neckline.

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The Law of Mary
1. Do unto others.
2. Thou shalt not.
3. An apple a day.
4. Uncle Sam wants.
5. When at first you don't succeed.
6. An idle mind.
7. Don't put off until tomorrow.
8. The acorn doesn't fall.
9. The buck stops.
10. Better late.

Live the Law of Mary and you're halfway to happiness.

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Happy Valentines' Day everyone!

You can cut out the card above and give it to your true love.

Nola is almost as sweet a Valentine as Mrs. Wanders to whom I proposed 20 years ago today.




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So this is the advice that Nola was hoping to get from Mary Worth? "Do you think my boyfriend is cheating on me?" Well, I for one, think he is! I mean look at the evidence! I mean, just look at it. Look at it. Now, wait a minute... where did I leave that evidence? I know it's around here somewhere. Okay, perhaps we haven't heard one drop of conversation about why Nola thinks he might be cheating, but that won't stop Mary Worth from rushing to judgement.

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Recognizing that there is no place for such evil avidity in Santa Royale, Mary Worth uses her preternatural mental powers to quietly levitate the flower vase behind the unsuspecting skull of Nola Wolvenson, where it will soon come crashing down in one spectacular and fatal blow.

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When I was a high school senior, the school put on a winter formal. The dance was officially a girl-ask-guy event which was fine by me. I figured I'd not be asked and wouldn't have to spend the money. It was also going to be a ballroom dance, which was a ridiculous idea. None of the guys wanted to go. The girls picked up on this and were afraid to ask the boys. Ticket sales were not impressive.

One day, I was in my sociology class. It was one of those touchy-feely California classes where we sat in a circle and talked about stuff. The boys were lamenting what a lame dance this was going to be, because no one knew how to ballroom dance. Lesley Y. started to object. "Come on," she said, "you must know how to at least waltz." Everyone sat dumbly looking at her. I didn't say a thing, but she turned to me. "Wes, you must know how to waltz."

Well, my mother had taught me a waltz step, so we got up and waltzed around inside the circle for a little bit. I was embarrassed. After we sat down, a girl sitting on the other side of the circle was scrawling a note that she then passed around until it got to me. "To Wes. Will you go to the winter formal with me? Katrina."

This only added to my embarrassment because everyone could pretty much guess what had been written inside the note. But to my friends, this was all a big deal. Katrina was a foreign exchange student and a model from Austria. Later she would drop acid and freak out, but for the time being, she was considered an international woman of mystery. And she was desperate to find a dance partner who had half a shot at keeping up with someone raised in Viennese ballrooms.

Some friends of mine, sensing my discomfort at going to the dance with Katrina, invited us to double with them. We went to a French restaurant, which was a new experience and I hated it. I ordered duck, which is about as miserable a meat selection as one can make, but what did I know? I was 17.

The most embarrassing moment of the whole ordeal came as I tried to cut tiny pieces of meat from between the duck's tiny bones, and Katrina who was sitting next to me, made the pointed comment, "In Austria, when we are young, they make us eat with telephone books under our arms until we learn to eat with our elbows at our sides."

I don't know why, but something about today's Mary Worth brought back that memory.


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For instance, yesterday morning I woke up wanting to share a green vegetable terrine with an elderly lady I had never spoken to, and to reveal the most intimate and darkest secret of my life. And here I am!

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So Nola cheated on her boyfriend with the husband of a friend. This is all quite shocking. Especially when you consider that people don't have sex in Santa Royale, so we can't really know for certain what is meant by "cheating" or "relationship" in this current storyline.

Regardless, Nola came to Mary for advice. What kind of advice could Nola possibly be seeking from a neighbor she doesn't even know? One thing's for sure, she's about to get a whole terrine full of judgement stew.

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This has always been a family friendly blog, and cheating is definitely not a family friendly subject. I had to learn this the hard way. Once my kids and I were playing Old Maid, and I looked at my son's cards. Then I noticed that he was glancing at his sister's cards. And then his sister won the game by looking at my cards, and everyone got upset. Cheating is definitely not good for families, and if this story gets any more offensive, I may have to stop blogging until it is over.

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EVERY WORD OF THIS PANEL IS GENIUS! Let's parse it just for fun.

Fabulous apartments: I'm not sure what a fabulous apartment is, but Nola has more than one.

Looks: I assume that Mary means Nola is attractive, which is definitely true. Nola says so herself.

Career Success: We have already commented on her Century 21 Real Estate suit. And in this economy, that's really awesome.

Handsome Boyfriend: I hope she isn't referring to Lawrence Jonis, the married man with whom Mary and Toby accused her of flirting. But boyfriend trouble is our new theme. Which definitely means another exciting and original story awaits.

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Ian, now would be a really good time to maintain eye contact with your wife.

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Vegetable Terrine? Are you kidding? Have you ever had vegetable terrine? I have yet to see a vegetable terrine that didn't make me want to just gag! Gag at the very site of it. I'm sure one of our dear readers has a great recipe, but I promise that this will be the least served food on Super Bowl Sunday.



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C'mon Mary! Don't just stand there with your mouth hanging open! Give Nola some advice!

What kind of advice do you think Nola wants?

Perhaps she wants to know how to keep her paper umbrella from straying from its glass. Which could be a broader metaphor for marital fidelity.

But probably, it's something to do with organizing her financial papers, and if Mary knows a good tax accountant. Which could also be an exciting story.

Happy Groundhog Day everybody.

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Nola looks so innocent, as if she has no idea her happiness is about to become permanently infected by the MarY-coli bacteria.

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