Mary Worth 559

Scott, I know you think you sound cool and sincere and all. But you just don't pull it off like Gladys Knight. She's hip, she's beautiful, and she's Mormon. AND she has the Pips. Listen and learn, Scott, listen and learn!



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Mary Worth 558

Thank you, Mary. Thank you. Thank you for reminding us that there still remain problems to be solved. Crime, pollution, injustice are just the tip of the iceberg. There's also forced perspective, shallow characterization and bland stereotypes. Boredom is another of the world's ills. Art of a sort is busy scarring children. Ice skaters failing to keep it tight. So many pets at Charterstone. People actually wearing swimming suits at the swimming pool. Con-men with shifty mustaches walking off with $50k. Professional law enforcement officials, preying on vulnerable love sick victims. A recent surge in medical malpractice in Vietnam. So many problems. And Mary is right. Love can't solve them. There's clearly only one cure: Really, really intense and committed meddling. Mary, it is time to roll up your sleeves and get back to work.

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Happy Anniversary

Dear Mrs. Wanders,

I can't believe it has been 17 years. No one says "I love you" better than Mary Worth, so I'll let the good citizens of Santa Royale express my feelings:



Indeed it is, Mary, indeed it is.

Love,

Wanders

Mary Worth 557

Since both panels in today's Mary Worth strip make me feel a little queasy, I'm not going to reprint either one. While I remain grateful that "Ian and Toby do Scotland" remains a minor subplot in the grand arch of Santa Royale, just the thought of them connecting as they explore new territory seems too disturbing. Plus, the couple on the bench making out? I have no idea who that is, and I've been following this strip for years. They do have the same hair color as Scott Hewlett and that girl who got scammed, but please don't tell me we're returning to another story about them! Especially if it involves kissing.

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By the way, if you disagree with Mary's strangely enthusiastic exclamation that love is GRAND (just look at her elation), you may enjoy this wonderful film! My wife and I loved it.

Mary Worth 556

Delilah's gained a lot of perspective over the years, stepping away from her situation so frequently. Thank goodness they made up... again. And thank goodness for Podcasting. It will save their marriage. I really don't have much to say about today's strip except that it is pure brilliance. The perfect summation of "Valley of the Dels."

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Mary Worth 555

SLOWER THAN SANTA ROYALE?? It's a good thing the local landscape isn't any more beautiful. Remind me not to blog about "Mary McWorth."

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Mary Worth 554

I have two things to be grateful for this morning. One, "Valley of the Dels" ended yesterday before things got any more sickening, and two, we were spared watching Ian and Toby fall in love all over again.

But now that they're in love all over again, I'm not sure what to expect. Part of me feels that despite Toby's belief that love is hard, and no one is ever truly happy, yada yada, their love has always been measured in grotesquely inhuman proportions. If they fall even more in love, I worry they'll drive the rest of our marriages to miserable destruction just by comparison. So we can look forward to that.

I think we need to go ahead and declare a winner in the "Name Del's Book" Not-A-Real-Contest™ contest. Gold Digging Nanny wins by popular vote for her entry: "How to Succeed at Marriage by Failing at Adultery," which is also available as a Podcast. I'd like to thank all of our participants for your creative and very hilarious suggestions. Gold Digging Nanny, you can send me your ideas for a new Charterstone Jukebox song. Remember, the condo board must approve all music added to the jukebox, so please keep in mind their musical sensibilities. Congratulations!

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Mary Worth 553

Is it his words I find so inspiring, or the fact that he put his inspiring orange suit back on? Regardless, I can't wait to listen to his podcasts. Does anyone know where I can download more inspiration?

Plus, dear reader BATS:[ made a few enhancements to my Shrimp Scampi photo. Thanks, BATS:[


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Mary Worth 552

"I can't imagine anyone else I'd want to be with... And believe me I've looked. I'm tired of running off to meet old boyfriends. I made a commitment a long time ago. I just needed to realize it again. Just like I said last year. But the great thing about commitments is you can realize them over and over again... Wait a minute. Is that the invisible man leaning ever so casually against the bed? I wonder if he likes Rodgers and Hammerstein... Hmmm."

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Mary Worth 551

Oh, that's so rich and ironic. They have both wanted kids for years! Oh, if only married couples could speak more comfortably with each other about whether or not to have kids, think of the marriages that would be saved. But when can they ever have such conversations? I, for one, certainly can't think of any logical time. Now why don't you two climb into that bed and get some sleep?

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Vote for Del's New Book Title

The Condo Board has selected four finalists in the "Name Delilah's Book" Not-A-Real-Contest contest, so you can cast your vote for your favorite.

Mary Worth 550

That's a great idea. By the way, whose book were you selling on August 7th?

And podcasting is another great word to use in these Modern Times! Tons of money to be made there. Hey, maybe you could even start one of those web-logs on the Internets, or as the kids call them, Blogs! You'll be rich in no time and never have to leave home again. Take my word for it.

Time for another Not-A-Real-Contest™ contest: It looks like Delilah is thinking of writing a book. I'd love to hear your predictions for her title. The winner picks a song for our beloved Charterstone Jukebox. As always, Not-A-Real-Contest™ contests are not real contests.

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Mary Worth 549

As Lawrence continues to age, as Delilah's legs contort into unexplainable angles, and as Lawrence's framed traveling photo of his mother looks on, Lawrence takes his wife's giant head into his tiny hand and reminds her that spending time with his children is far more important than spending time with his wife. Especially in these Modern Times.

Mary Worth 548

Ten minutes ago:

Just look at the differences Lawrence is making!

In the short time since Delilah hid behind Number One Fan's speech bubble, Lawrence has made several significant DIFFERENCES: He's transformed Delilah's shirt, inspiring it to overcome the blotches of its past. He's transformed his own shirt, bleaching out the stains of past failures. He's transformed his entire face, becoming older and much wiser. He's extended Delilah's haircut back to its true, self-loving, empowering length. Hey, this guy is making a DIFFERENCE!

I wonder how Toby and Ian are doing in Scotland? Do you think Ian will come back with a kilt?

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Mary Worth 547

If you really want to deal with your personality disorder, Del, you will need to seek serious counseling, meet regularly with a mental health professional, and take your meds every day. Is that really what you want? Is that WHAT YOU WANT?

Oh, wait, sorry, once again, this is about the man making all the changes.

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Mary Worth 546

If Sunday's full-color 12-panel strip stays in this hotel room, there are going to be a lot of children scarred for life.

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Mary Worth 545

I could comment on how Lawrence is singing one of the most heart-wrenching, love-sick songs from South Pacific, and how "Nothing Like a Dame," might be more appropriate. Or I could comment on how this is the absolute most awkward passage through a doorway I have ever seen, and I can't imagine how Delilah managed it. But I can't make those comments because these Mary Worth make-up scenes make me think of only one thing: Seafood Scampi.

Mary Worth 544

In case of emergency, WHAT? What do I do in case of emergency? Hit those buttons? Because this elevator is crunching down like a cereal box in a trash compactor! And that feels like an emergency to me.

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Mary Worth 543

For those of us who thought this story was coming to a quick conclusion, it actually looks like it is just getting interesting. "What prompted me? Oh, it's nothing really. I was just spending a quiet evening watching Rodgers and Hammerstein with Charley Smith at his place. You remember Charley. The guy who enjoys breaking apart marriages at Charterstone and drinking alcohol. The guy I was dating for three years before we met. Really, it's nothing to worry about."

Now, if you think Rodgers and Hammerstein are great, you should try William S. Gilbert. Here's a little poetry that I think you'll find enjoyable.

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Mary Worth 542

While Del and Lawrence enjoy a classic table hug, Dear Reader, I have to tell you about my Bum Boat experience. This weekend, our family took a little spontaneous trip to Chincoteague and Assateague Islands in Virginia. We saw wild ponies, played at the beach and took a great boat ride around the islands. We had a thoroughly relaxing time.

Since Chincoteague is a small seashore community, I was really hoping to find a restaurant called the Bum Boat. It's Mary Worth's favorite restaurant (Ah, so many memories), and I've always wanted to eat there. I'm certain there are dozens of restaurateurs who have realized what great business sense naming your fine dining establishment the Bum Boat is, but apparently no one in Chincoteague has thought of it yet. So we settled for Steamers because it was right next door to our cheap hotel.

Steamers was great! It's one of those terrific seafood places that's just one big room with heavy wooden tables covered with brown butcher paper. It's the kind of place where they serve your entree with a mallet so you can whack your dinner on the tabletop to crack the crab shells. The place is packed so it is really noisy because there are lots of families with kids, and everyone's talking over all the pounding. And across the room, a little one-year-old kid starts kind of singing or happily kind of cooing over all the noise. He's pretty loud, and I say to my kids, "Hey, there's a singer over there." It goes on for a few minutes, and nobody is really paying attention to it.

Then suddenly, at the table next to us, this lady stands up. I'm not joking. This really happened. The lady stands up and bellows, "DO YOU MIND? WE'RE TRYING TO EAT." The place goes silent. She's looking right at this family with the singing kid, and they say something I couldn't hear, and then the cranky lady says, "I DON'T CARE. HE'S YOUR KID. CONTROL HIM." I love when people without kids think a parent can "control" their child. Yes, we can comfort, distract, or when all else fails, take them out of an environment when they're being disruptive, but short of physical abuse, you don't really get to control your kids. And in this particular environment, the child was not disruptive in the least... perhaps this woman thought she was at a fancier place like the Three Trees or the Golden Corridor. Or even La Rosa! Yes, then yelling at a family with a disruptive child is totally appropriate and happens all the time. But, no, this was Steamers where the waiters wear short pants, and every table has its own tall kitchen garbage can.

The enraged lady sits down, and I'm looking at her boyfriend or husband and he's kind of looking at her. Everyone is staring at them all bug-eyed in disbelief. And then, all the noise starts up again and everyone pretty much ignores them. Although, I kept giggling about it.

A few minutes later, the lady gets up, and walks out to the restroom in the lobby. Then her husband walks out, and then they both walk out the door leaving their half-eaten salads at the table. As they go, a few people start clapping.

I missed eating at the Bum Boat, but I don't think the Bum Boat can come up with that kind of dinner entertainment!

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Mary Worth 541

Although it may be a little soon to present evidence that Joe T-shirt's life has actually been changed, I suggest the following:

This morning Joe was broke and out of work.
Now he runs his own home-based business and is loving it!
This morning Joe drove a broken down '92 Ford Escort.
Now Joe's Porsche Carrera GT is sitting outside in the Venue's parking lot.
This morning Joe was a lonely bachelor with no idea how to meet women.
Now Joe is happily married and raising five beautiful kids.

Believe me, I know what it's like to have your life changed instantaneously. Last week, I took Mrs. Wanders to see Paul McCartney at our local Venue. He had a few more people in the audience than Lawrence Jonis (at least 50,000 according to the Washington Post), but other than that, the experience was just as transformational. I'd never seen him before, and I was blown away by the performance. He played over 20 Beatles songs. He played for two hours and 45 minutes without a break and his band members looked exhausted by the end of the show, but he looked like he could keep going. Mrs. Wanders and I were sitting on the field, only 39 rows away, and we could see very well. He announced he was going to do a song he rarely performed, but he wanted to do it because he thought one of our local residents (President Obama), might want to sing it to his lady love, and he launched into the song, "Michelle." It is the song that Mrs. Wanders was literally named after. At that moment, I felt my life transformed. And while I don't currently drive a Porsche, I definitely am a changed man.

I took this picture with my cell phone so you could enjoy a bit of the concert as well.


And the Washington Post took this one:



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