Mary Worth 401

It's not your place? Mary Worth, who are you? It's like I don't even know you anymore.

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Happy Holidays!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Mary Worth 400

You know, it occurs to me that Karen Moy might be feeling a lot like Lynn, and she might think of all those cynical web sites out there that criticize her work as a giant World Wide Frank. Fortunately, this blog is sort of like Mary Worth. We love Karen Moy unconditionally, we appreciate her talent and the tremendous pressure of producing four lines of dialogue each and every day. Our only goal is to celebrate her accomplishments and inspire her to do even better.

Speaking of Upstate New York, doesn't it just figure that Upstate New York's best rock group is the Meddling Kids?

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Mary Worth 399

Opportunity seldom knocks twice, and neither does Mary Worth since she usually barges right in... but in this story, Mary can't stop knocking on every door she passes!

Mary's knock on Lynn's dressing room door at the ice rink led to weeks of conversation about Dead Greg:

And Mary's knock on Lynn's bedroom door led to weeks of conversation about Lynn's mysterious past:

And now we get to enjoy Mary explaining everything to Frank that Lynn just explained to Mary. This should be really exciting.

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Mary Worth 398

The worst thing about placid Lake Tranquil's state-of-the-art skating rink? Late comers who have to climb over everybody (and I mean everybody) to get to their seats.

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Mary Worth 397

And now, as my Christmas gift to you, dear reader:

ICE CASTLES
A Christmas Play
[Lynn sits in her dressing room drinking coffee]

Mary (knocking on Lynn’s door): Knock knock. It’s Mary… May I speak with you?

Lynn (still drinking coffee): Yes.

Mary: Lynn, I’m glad it wasn’t more serious. That the doctors gave you a clean bill of health.

Lynn: Yes. A relief.

Mary: I spoke with your father.

Lynn: What did he say?

Mary: He was concerned about you. Very concerned. Is it the stress of COMPETITION that triggered your fainting spell? Or SOMETHING ELSE?

Lynn: I’m going to tell you a story, Mary. About that PHOTO you found… This photo that I dropped… that you found earlier…

Mary: Yes? Who is it?

Lynn: This is Greg. He was my best friend.

Mary: Was?

Lynne: Let’s take a walk, Mary. I could use some FRESH AIR!

Mary: I could use some too. It can be CLARIFYING on so many levels.

Lynn: I’ll EXPLAIN MORE about the photo when we get out of doors.

Mary: Please do. I don’t understand what happened. But I want to know more!

(They go outside)

Lynn (showing Mary the photo that caused her to scream in agony earlier): Greg and I met at the rink. We became fast friends.

Mary: He has a pleasant face. He looks very approachable.

Lynn: Yes. He was one of the few people I was truly able to talk to! You know, BE MYSELF with! Unlike…

Mary: Unlike your father? I know that relationship leaves a lot to be desired.

Lynn: I was the happiest I’d ever been. Greg and I spent a lot of time together. Maybe too much time.

Mary: What do you mean?

Lynn: It was an innocent friendship. But my father did not approve because IT TOOK TIME AWAY FROM MY SKATING… - My father threatened to move me to another skating facility far away if I continued the friendship! So I started acting very COLD to Greg. I stopped talking to him! He didn’t understand. He thought it was something he did. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Mary: So you reluctantly ended your friendship with Greg because your father wanted you to focus on your training?

Lynn: Yes. And I never explained to Greg WHY I stopped talking to him. I regretted that! Because what happened to him afterwards will haunt me forever! When I see this photo, I think of my friendship with Greg… And I regret how it ended.

Mary: After you parted ways, what happened to Greg?

Lynn: It was almost a year later… After we stopped talking, I focused all my energy on my skating. I had just won the Junior Championship when I heard the news. Greg was with his older brother who was driving his car along an icy road. The car crashed. There were no survivors. When I heard about Greg’s accident, my heart stopped!

Mary: It must have been very traumatic for you.

Lynn: It was devastating. I went from winning the Junior Championship to learning about Greg’s death all on the same day! Greg was the kindest person I ever met, and to think of how I left things between us! …So unfinished! I should have told him why I stopped talking to him! He thought I hated him, when the opposite was true! He died not knowing. After Greg died, I was a ROBOT! … Skating all my elements, not really feeling like I was there. I did exactly what I was told.

Mary: He wouldn’t want you to dwell on his death, nor would he want you to skate in a limited way because of what happened!

(They go inside the skating rink)

Lynn: I SHOULD have stood up to my father! I SHOULDN’T have stopped talking to Greg! I SHOULD have told him why I did it!

Mary: You can’t dwell on the past, Lynn. What’s done is over. Keep only the best of your memories.

Lynn: If only I could. When I’m with my father, I feel angry at what happened! And I feel beaten down by his constant criticism!

Mary: He IS very hard on you… because he never made it past regionals. He wants you to go further than he did.

Lynn: My father’s the perfect example of, “Those who cannot do, teach”! Nothing I do is right in my father’s eyes! I can’t endure his way of coaching me anymore!

Mary: You should talk to him.

Lynn: He wouldn’t listen to me! He didn’t listen to me about Greg, and he won’t listen to me now! I stopped talking to Greg, because my father told me to end our friendship. I think of how I shouldn’t have done it [sic]! Especially since Greg’s gone now!

Mary: Your father doesn’t realize that you are still not over your friend’s death.

Lynn: It’s better that he doesn’t know, Mary. My friendship with Greg was personal. It will always be a part of my heart… the part of me that my father can’t criticize! Besides, he doesn’t have to. I do enough of that on my own.

Mary: Greg’s death was not your fault, Lynn. Please don’t punish yourself about it! He’d be proud of what you’re achieving in skating.

Lynn: Yes he would. He loved me. I wish my father felt the same way. When my father’s coaching me, I sometimes think that he HATES me.

Mary: He doesn’t hate you! He sees VICTORY in you. He’s harsh because… his dreams were never realized. As wrong as it is… he’s realizing them through you.

Lynn: At MY EXPENSE! I’m not sure how much I can take! Did you hear the belittling way he talks when he’s coaching me?

Mary: Yes, Lynn, it seems like you’re going through a lot… and at the same time, you’re having communication problems with your father.

Lynn: HE’S the one with the problem! My father won't LISTEN to me! He never does! All he thinks about is making me win! I've reached a point where... I'm not sure I WANT to win anymore! He practically bullied my love of skating right out the window.

Mary: Don't let it happen. Your talent is too precious.

Mary Worth 396

Oh, Lynn, wake up! You're the one with the problem, which you'd realize if you'd just open your eyes and see that while you were on your walk together, Mary Worth carefully led you to the Ice Rink of Despair. The clues are all around you! Just ask yourself, "How big was that Zamboni? Are you on the top row, or sitting rink-side? Why are there only seat backs, but no seats in this arena? How many people can this arena hold, and how big are they? Some must be huge!" Those giant seats are for the big demons. Lynn, put your skates back on and get out on the Ice of Despondency where you will be skating for the next three lifetimes or Mary Worth story lines, whichever comes first.

Today's Full Strip

A Message to Karen Moy

Earlier this week, I received the following message. Jad Fair was hoping I could forward it to Karen Moy, but since I don't have her email address, he gave me permission to publish it here on the blog:

In Sunday's Mary Worth, a song I co-wrote with Daniel Johnston, "Some Things Last A Long Time," was credited to him, but I'm the one that wrote the lyrics. Daniel did the music. Daniel's website credits the lyrics to me. I was glad to make into a Mary Worth strip (kind of).

Best wishes,

Jad Fair


How awesome is that?

Don't forget to vote for the Worthy Awards. Maybe we need a new category for best musical performance.

First Annual Worthy Awards

As 2008 draws to a close, I am pleased to announce the First Annual Worthy Awards. As a reader of Mary Worth and Me, you are invited to vote in five different categories recognizing outstanding achievement in Mary Worth. Worthy Awards celebrate all that is excellent in Santa Royale, California, (and placid Lake Tranquil, New York).

Vote for your favorites at http://worthyawards.wordpress.com. The deadline to vote is January 20. Winners will be announced here at Mary Worth and Me on January 26.

It was such a remarkable year! How will you ever decide for whom you should vote! (How's that for a truly Worthy sentence?)

Mary Worth 395

Way to slam one of the most important and under appreciated professions in the country. It's not enough that they put up with disrespectful students, disengaged parents, unsatisfactory resources, and substandard compensation -- now they have to put up with this kind of trash talk in Mary Worth. Today, thousands of teachers will enter their classrooms knowing their students have read Mary Worth and are quietly snickering at them. Oh, wait, never mind.

Edited to add: If you haven't seen the anonymous comment in today's comment section, here it is: "Those who cannot write, pen comic strips." Oh, how I wish I'd thought of that!

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 394

But you can, Lynn! With Mary Worth's wonderful Bad Feelings Suppression Tube&trade, you can suck those regrets right out of your head, and keep only the best of your memories. Simply attach the Suppression Tube&trade to any opening on your head: You mouth, ear, or that blond exhaust pipe on the back of your scalp. Flip the switch, and voila! All the negative memories are gathered together in the handy-dandy disposable Dark Bag of Doom&trade . Replacement bags are available at CVS, Walgreens and other fine stores. Get two. In your case, you'll need them. (Patent Pending.)

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Mary Worth 393

As the walking dead gather around them, Mary Worth welcomes Lynn to the Dimension of Lost Regret. Lynn has the opportunity to speak with Greg one last time and make things right, but in exchange she will have to join Mary's Army of Undead Soldiers.

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Mary Worth 392

The black hole of Mary Worth's heart, pumping steely anti-matter through her spidery veins, has finally sucked Lynn into it's empty vortex. Mary wins.

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Mary Worth 391

Some things last a long time? That's today's platitude? What kind of quote book is Ms. Moy using? "A Gazillion Things People Have Said"? Yes, Lynn, some things last a long time... but then again, some things don't:


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Mary Worth 390

I appreciate Frank's willingness to express his feelings for his daughter in public. Most parents are embarrassed to express themselves openly. Most would wait until they got home to privately tell their child how they feel about them. But not Frank. Frank courageously yells across the ice rink, "I forbid you to speak to that boy! If you talk to him again, we're moving!"

And Lynn, ever the devoted daughter, honors her father's wishes by giving the silent treatment to her best friend. A less loyal child might have taken advantage of any one of thousands of private moments with Greg to explain her father's objections.

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Mary Worth 389

So now we know what happened to Greg. He was beaten to death by an agitated swan.

How old is Lynn? I've been trying to figure it out for weeks. Sometimes I think she's twelve, and sometimes I think she's an adult in her early twenties, but that's probably only because I don't want to get totally creeped out by Mary's excessive involvement with a child she just met.

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Mary Worth 388

Mary, it's so good of you to tell Lynn that her relationship with her father is horrible. I'm sure Lynn really is encouraged by your empathy. Before you know it, Lynn will want to come home and live at Charterstone with all your other trophies.

Today's Full Strip.

Mary Worth 387

Like Mary, I'm on the edge of my seat. This is what we in the writing biz call a cliff hanger. It's a cliff hanger because back in the olden days, when a serial story took a break and wanted to entice readers back, they would leave the hero in a precarious situation, like hanging off a cliff, so that readers would buy next month's magazine to see what would happen. Thank heaven this isn't the olden days, or I might not be able to handle the excitement.

Today's Full Strip.

Mary Worth 386

If Greg didn't care that her clothes were more than a little worn, and if they delight in the insignificant, playing as kids do, I'm going to get all excited.

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Mary Worth 385

For those of you who have never experienced a Mary Worth Flashback, let me prepare you for the excitement you are about to endure. First, Lynn will talk about telling a story for perhaps a week. Then Lynn will give three weeks worth of exposition. A character will be introduced, in this case a boy, and Lynn will talk about her feelings for the character. And then after about five weeks, Something Will Happen. Usually something nice. Like someone being kind, or generous, or vaguely romantic. Whatever it is can usually be accomplished with minimal physical motion. Then Lynn will talk about how her life has been changed by this experience. (See My Compulsion to Help Others.) So, as you can see, this will be great, just as long as Lynn's story doesn't contain any action.

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Mary Worth 384

Yes, Frank, it certainly is your fault. Lynn blames you for bringing Mary to placid Lake Tranquil. And she's going to hold it against you for the rest of her life.

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Mary Worth 383

Oh, Mary Worth, we may never know what was going on in Lynn's mind, for tragically she was born without thought balloons. But, yes, we are asking the same question: "What happened just now?" Rarely does a day go by when I read Mary Worth and not ask myself that very same question.

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Mary Worth 382

Mary has killed Lynn. Her heart and brain have just shut down. But as Mary would say, "She's happier now." Shall we be sad that Lynn has died? As Frank would cheerfully say, "Don't be!"

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Mary Worth 381

Mary's confusion comes from the fact that her word bubble's thought balloon thinks this has something to do with that photo. But to have a psychotic reaction to a photo you carry around in your coat pocket seems unlikely, unless you really enjoy having psychotic reactions. Lynn's emotional collapse is really all about Mary Worth, and since Mary's life is already all about Mary Worth, I'm surprised she hasn't figured it out.

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