"If I'm not seen locally, Iris and Zak won't be about to read my work as they lounge around on Sunday mornings together."
On a personal note, thanks for all the sympathy yesterday, dear readers. After listing my woes, I was driving to Home Depot and got rear-ended. It has been a hilarious week. Fortunately, each thing that's happened really could have been much, much worse. So far, we're counting ourselves very lucky, and keeping our sense of humor. Mary Worth and your comments help with that.
29 comments:
Wilbur, you can still be seen locally. Just get a big piece of poster board, write “I survived” on it with a big marker, and stand at a busy intersection. People will see you. Some kindhearted people will even give you a few bucks. Others will jeer. Most will look away. And the police will arrest you for panhandling without a permit.
Today's Boldface Haiku is titled
"Wilbur 'The Seven Deadly Sins' Weston Sends His Second In For A Battle Of Biblical Significance".
I can't believe it!
Pride, hometown paper...
Love. Fight...
Have! Need!
Wanders - please stop trying to one-up Wilbur! Hope the bad luck streak is at an end for you.
Wilbur has another option - he can move to a city where the paper there still does carry his columns (are they a package deal or can a paper pick and choose?) - so that he can be read (or as Wilbur says "seen") locally. Plus I thought Dear Wendy didn't have Wilbur's byline on it - that it was a secret that he was actually the writer . . .
Wanders, sounds like it's time for you to hit the showers and crank up the country music.
I see George quickly overcame the physical deformity that made him hold a phone like a normal person and is back to doing it "The Brigman Way."
r u ok? makes a good point about Wilbur being the anonymous ghost writer for Wendy, so Iris wouldn't know it's him even if it ran on the front page every day. This is what's called "plot discontinuity" or something like that.
I hope they show the fight between the syndicate and the Santa Royale Times...
Listen, SRT, if you don't buy Ask Wendy we're not going to sell you Household Hints anymore. This week teaches how to fold towels just like on cruise ships. Your readers will be furious when they learn they missed that!
Wow Wanders, not only do you vaguely look like Wilbur, you're having bad luck just like him. The only thing is your streak of bad luck is no way as funny as Wilbur's. Unlike you, Wilbur is a conceited, arrogant meathead that is getting what he truly deserves. Hopefully your streak of bad luck has ended. I'm hoping that Wilbur's continues until he's out on the street with a sign like Mr. Hobo in NY had saying "I still have my faith".
Why would anyone care about Dear Wendy anyway? He's constantly running off and palming it off on Mary, who takes 3 weeks to respond to a letter. I never heard of someone giving a person who doesn't even work at a job giving it to someone else while he takes off for a round the world trip. I wish I could palm off my job to someone and still get aid while I disappear for a year, but I digress.
I suggest the song "Bad Luck" by Harold Melvin and the Blue notes for the Charterstone jukebox. There's surely enough of it going around!
Oops...I meant *paid*. But I do need aid with my job LOL
r u ok? and Anon @9:15 - Don't you think because Mary knows Wilbur is "Ask Wendy" then it's more than likely that Iris also knows about Wilbur's job/columns? Just saying....
I suggest a detour to the blues with I Put a Spell on You by anybody.
@Tim at 10:39 A.M., great suggestion - we all could use a dose of Screamin’ Jay Hawkins. Wanders may want to scream along. It sounds like years’ worth of bad luck was squeezed into a week.
I find it very unlikely that Wilbur has such a huge fan base - nope, no way. I second @fauxprof’s earlier suggestion that Wilbur wear a sign at a busy intersection - how appropriate for Wilbur to wear a sandwich board.
Wilbur, you moron. Take your articles and email them (via a link) to Iris!
Iris: I know how you enjoy my columns, just wanted to let you know that you can't read them in the local papers, but you can read them online. Wilbur
Wilbur needs to, must, join Marty Moon of Gil Thorpe in a drinking competition at a blues bar. Wilbur will lose quickly.
@Chester the Dog I'm sure Iris has blocked his emails.
Wanders, my heart goes out to you and I heartily congratulate you on your sense of humor.
I honestly hope this is the last of your bad luck.
I want a crossover with Queer Eye for the straight guy, Wilbur is in desperate need of 5 fun gay dudes telling him he's given up.
Ask Wendy needs to be seen locally because the next question is:
"Should I stay with my younger, hot, and rich boyfriend or go back to my older, below-average, and soon-to-be-unemployed former boyfriend?"
and the answer, of course, is:
"Dump the hipster - he's out of your league. Go back to below-average!"
I was surprised Wanders didn't pick the first panel. Wilbur's healthy bacon-and-eggs breakfast looks delicious! Wilbur, if you've lost your appetite because of your publishing woes, I'll eat it!
Wanders, I hope everything works out for you!
@Tim: I would LOVE to see Marty Moon, Wilbur Weston, and Mary Worth hanging out in a real dive bar together!
Saturday...
The letters we can't see on Wilbur's cup are M and N.
Soon, Wilbur will turn to the only thing that can bring him happiness, the Zakis game! He'll spend hundreds of dollars mastering it, unknowingly funding more camping trips between Iris and Zak.
I think any man who writes an advice column under a pseudonym needs to be a lot more dapper than Wilbur. He would wear a neck tie every time he goes out. He would also write a wine column under a pseudonym of Pierre. His taste in music would run to show tunes and he would havea pencil mustache. Fat slob Wilbur doesn't work.
Wanders, when it rains it pours! There are a few of us here who have had a string of accidents and misfortunes. It could be a retaliatory curse from Olive and her tummy brain. Be careful out there, folks!
Saturday's first panel is pretty awesome! Wilbur's expression promises more horror to come! "Sorry, Wilbur. At least you're still strong in other cities!" is just a set-up for the next few days of paper after paper dropping Wilbur's columns! Mary, your muffins and platitudes are sorely needed! (Or maybe you could "advise" Wilbur over coffee and ghost pie!)
Yes, you're still strong in other cities. You're killing it with the Pismo Beach Bi-Weekly Bugle, and the Death Valley Sun just re-upped you for another four weeks!
Wilbur is going to have to flood the S.R. Times with fake letters of protest from his adoring fans.
-- Scottie McW.
Lately, Wilbur, your column has been sounding like it was written by a nosy old biddy that could be your next door neighbor.
I have a suggestion for the jukebox: "What Am I Doing Hanging 'Round?" by The Monkees.
In Sunday's strip, we see Wilbur also deploying that Santa Royale trademarked 'Brigman grip' on his phone.
I ask on behalf of Mary Worth readers worldwide, how many phones dropped, fingers cramped, lives irreversibly changed all in service of depicting people holding their cellphones wrong?
Poor Wilbur! ... He needs to spend some time on the couch of "Dr." Mary Worth, amateur psychoanalyst ... "Tell me about your childhood, Wilbur Weston! Have a muffin! Read this motivational self-help book! (It's been quoted in Sunday newspapers throughout the land!) ... You say that you're having bad luck with relationships, with family, with work ... Review past interactions for possible causes."
I can’t understand why Wilbur is so bent out of shape about not being published in the local Pennysaver. You would the other way around that the local paper would keep him and he’d be dropped in syndication. I guess the syndicate doesn’t know about Wilbur’s local shenanigans.
Like someone else said, if people are hungering for Wilbur’s bon mots, they can always read them on the internet. I don’t know why he’s so upset. He’s still (sort of) getting a paycheck. He’s just distraught that Iris won’t be reading his “brilliant” writing. Unfortunately for us, we will be able to.
Regina: IMO, Wilbur’s mots are not bon.
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