Monday, November 26, 2018

Mary Worth 3015

Well, it looks like it is time for Mary to call the animal shelter about returning her cat.


Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

"Mary's Lack Of Past Interactions Causes Her To Cry Over Spilt Milk".


fauxprof said...

Oh, Mary is in for some of the delights of cat ownership—if anyone can be said to “own” a cat. Leaving aside counter jumping and carton overturning, most adult cats are lactose intolerant, though they love the stuff. Libby will now find the most inopportune spot to urp. I’m voting for inside Mary’s favorite slipper.

Delilah said...

In the old Roy Rogers series back in the late '50's - early '60's (I'm showing my age) didn't Roy's sidekick have a white horse with a circle drawn around one eye? Trying to remember the name of the horse...

KitKat said...

@Nance, that's a zinger title indeed. Your Mary Worth recall is matchless!

Ditto @fauxprof's remark about feline lactose intolerance. How about multiple urps in several of Mary's favorite places?

When I cleaned the litter box today (the boxes are in the basement), a tiny spider surprised me. That was a first. Maybe Mary will find a black widow in Libby's box.

RobC said...

I can't wait until the cat doesn't use the litter box!

We just had to put our cat, Lego Kitty, down on Saturday. She was diabetic, old and defecating all over the house. No more cat's for a while.

Delilah, Pete the Dog from the Our Gang two-reelers had a circle around his eye.

Anonymous said...

Best turn of events ever!!!

Old saying: Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

-- Scottie McW.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Scottie, I love that saying and have it on a pillow that my dearly departed cat Michael would sleep on to bring the point home.

Like all of you have previously said, to paraphrase Margo Channing, Mary better fasten her seatbelt, she’s in for a bumpy ride. Some of the other “fun” things cats do that Mary will probably experience: running back and forth for no reason at 3AM; jumping on the bed to barf; destroying furniture while looking you in the face; curtain climbing; floor pooping if the box does meet their standards; the list is endless. I see a cat in a Charterstone neighbor’s future, maybe Elinor Kinley.

Mary should get another cat so she can experience the fun of very loud fighting in the middle of the night.

What is wrong with Animal Shelter giving a cat who obviously has no patience with living breathing things (human and non human) that don’t bend to her will.

Yahoonski said...

Libby has to be the world's fastest cat: Mary hasn't even straightened up from putting her on the floor yet and she's already back on the counter, busily lapping up the spilt milk.

Delilah: I remember Dale's horse was called Buttermilk, but I don't remember Pat Brady even having a horse, just a Jeep named Nellie Belle. Of course, that was over half a century ago, so you may be right.

LouiseF said...

I want to see how JB illustrates that uniquely feline action of coughing up a hairball (along with the milk she can't digest), preferably on one of Mary's prized couch doilies...Isn't it time for Saul to show up at Mary's door with his well-behaved Greta decked out in a Santa suit..?

meg said...

All Creatures Great and Small?
Mary Worth (hypothetically) Loves Them All

Ring ring

“Hello Mary? This is Claudia Jones at Animal House. I understand you love All animals. Could you possibly foster one more very quiet pet for a short period?”

‘Er, I...’

“Great! Just pull up in the back and I’ll bring Beau out to your car. Ta!”

‘Beau? Oh well. I do love All animals.’

Mary pulls the Pepto Pink Oldsmobuick up behind Shelter. Claudia comes out carrying a very large woven basket, and a flute. She struggles, but manages to get the basket into Mary’s car. “Thanks, Mary, bye, if he gives you any trouble, just call the Zoo. Gotta run, places to go, animals to see.”


With Mr. Allora’s help, the basket is carried into Mary’s kitchen. When Mary lifts the lid, Allora screams and heads for the door.

Mary, intrepid as always, gives Beau the fish eye and says, ”wait here while I go buy a few hundred live mice.”

When she returns, Beau is coiled up cosily on Mary’s bed, and Libby is nowhere to be seen. Must be hiding, Mary muses.

Bulletin from KSRY, the voice of Santa Royale:

Santa Royale EMTs have rescued an elderly woman who was being crushed by a 15 foot boa constrictor. Mary Worth, 135, will recover, but the snake is on the lam. Residents of the Charterstone complex, mostly elderly and all annoying, are on high alert.

“Mary, my husband Harlan needs a place to board his raptor while he escorts a group of college students on a trip to gay Paree...”
Saul: “Oh, no, a giant bird swooped down and carried away my beloved Greta!!!”

“Mary, we’ve got a miniature talking horse named Miss Edwina...”
Miss Edwina: “Wilbur, I’d love to go to the karaoke bar with you, but I’m a little hoarse.”

Mary is pleased with her next foster guests- they’re quite tiny. She takes them over to meet the Camerons.
“Ian, Toby, I’d like you to meet the Lonely Hearts Club Flea Circus. See Sergeant Pepper in his tiny red satin band jacket, and that’s Billy Shears in the gold pants, and Paul is the Walrus, and of course, that’s Harry the Horse dancing a waltz.”
Toby: “Ugh.”
Ian: “Och, aye, that’s clever, jist loch th’ ones at Blackpool Pleasure Pier.”
Next day: “Quick, Toby, gie mah razur, thaur ur wee black bugs nesting in mah beard!”

“Mary, could you be a dear and foster an elderly bat while she recovers from guano fever?”
“Mr. Allora, this is Wilbur Weston. I need you to remove an old bat from this building.”
“Senor Weston, as long as Mrs. Worth’s rent is paid in full, she’s entitled to stay.”

TimP said...

It had never occurred to our almost-not-kittens-anymore to jump up on the counters. Then, one day, my wife decided to try her hand at some floral arrangements. Bear grass bundles were among the decorative elements. Of course, some overhung the countertop and, in one great leap for catkind, numerous repetitive cleanings of the kitchen counters for man and woman kind. The Formula 409 folks oughta pay my kitties a kickback.

r u ok? said...

Mary Worth transforms into a cat lady. Fun times ahead.

Nance said...

@Kit Kat--Thank you.

Libby, as Mary will tell it, has A Lot Of Personality. I can't wait for a new family to suddenly show up at Pet Friendly Charterstone, and their poor, shy, withdrawn child--who has never spoken a word before--to become smitten with Libby and say Cat for his/her first syllable.

Libby adopted, muffins gifted, and Mary has Made Her Miracles. I like it!

Delilah said...

Roy's sidekick (and also Gene Autry's) was Smiley Burnette, and the horse's name was (difficult to make this leap) Ringeye. Here he is:

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

LOL Meg, I almost choked on my lunch laughing. I would advised Mary not to foster a chimp, lest she gets her face torn off.

I'm as old as dirt and I use to watch Roy Rogers. I'm trying to remember Ringeye. He looks like a horse version of Petey from the Little Rascals. I guess I wasn't really watching because it was a western. I was more of an Abbott and Costello kinda gal growing up. (I amazed my husband that I can repeat the dialog word for word from each show, but I digress.)

Once again KM has taken on something she knows nothing about. One of my closest friends fosters cats. Her experience is that she has donated time and money for the shelter, she has done cat rescue and is (admittedly)a crazy cat lady. Mary has done none of this, so what makes Ms. Jones thinks Mary is a perfect fit to foster a cat. Perhapas KM should read this article:

LouiseF said...

Hi, Regina, thanks for the article on pet fostering. It appears Mary may not have asked question 7. (Does he have any behavioral issues or concerns? How are they dealt with?) or question 9 (Could my foster cat be deemed unadoptable and, if so, what happens then?).. It seems to me that Libby/Tiger is headed for question 9 territory, but as this article points out, "Even the best-prepared foster parent should expect the unexpected." Let's hear Mary murmur, "When you shut out the bad, you shut out the good...." once Libby destroys her favorite cashmere coat...

RobC said...

Thanks Delilah! I prefer Gene Autry to Roy Rogers. Smiley Burnett, AND Pat Buttram, are my favorite sidekicks.

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

And while we're at it, has anyone ever had a cat that slept in its own bed like a dog? I remember something about writers being advised to write about what they know, in which case, KM would only be able to write her name.

TimP said...

I've had our cats pee in the catbeds we used to buy for them. They've never done that in our bed but they have barfed on it (or our comforter) more than I care to count.

As someone who has fostered dozens of fosters, if Libby doesn't develop symptoms of worms or upper respiratory infection within one to two days of coming into Mary's home, well, it won't be the first time, simply the latest, that this strip has utterly wanted for credibility.

meg said...

Thanks, Regina, but I gotta know: Who’s on first?

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

LOL Meg.