Monday, January 7, 2019

Eleventh Annual Worthy Awards

Ladies and gentleman welcome to the 11th Annual Worthy Awards!

It's a grand night for celebrating all that is Worthy of celebrating. Don't let that mob of #MeToo protestors outside discourage you from enjoying all the excitement inside Auditoreum.

Muffins are available in the lobby for $1. All proceeds support Local Animal Shelter.

To get us started, here is the lovely Patty Page with her beloved, "How Much is that Doggy in the Window?"

Generally, it's been a wonderful year in Santa Royale, and everyone has been over the moon about all the great stuff that has happened. But there has been sadness and loss too, so we want to take just a moment to present the annual Aldo Kelrast Memorial Award. Each year, one lucky recipient who has died receives this coveted prize. This year, the trophy goes to Bella!

Congratulations, Bella. I'm sure you will never be replaced!

Our first award is for outstanding pefromance by an inconsequential character. This year's nominees stirred up some controversy because some voters felt Wilbur's Therapist was ignored by the condo board because he is black.

The condo board has issued the following statement: "How can you call Wilbur's therapist inconsequential? He cured Wilbur in one session. So, despite his brief appearance, Therapist, did not qualify for this award. The condo board is eager to recognize all outstanding contributions to the Worthiverse, regardless of race, religion, gender or how embarrassingly cliche he or she may be."

And now, on to our first Worthy Award:


Santa Royale Gothic
Claudia the Cat Woman
The Widow Estelle
Father Therapist
George the Agent

And the tropy goes to...


Brony made his first appearance in Mary Worth on December 28, and normally would have missed the deadline for consideration. His last minute appearance, however, has taken Santa Royale by storm. Here's hoping we see much more of him. But we won't.

Our next category is:


The nominees are:

Iris Beedie



Libby the Cat

Mary Worth

Father Therapist

The Quadrumvirate of Abandonment
And the Worthy goes to:

Libby the Cat
See, what did the Condo Board say about not being prejudiced. Libby has only one eye! I mean, that's kind of gross. But now she has a Worthy Award, even if she can only see half of it.

Our next category is:


The nominees are:





Mary's Muffins

Saul Wynter

Ted Miller

And the Worthy goes to:

Ted Miller
Okay, okay, settle down. Settle down. It's not like he was nominated for the Supreme Court or anything. #MeToo, #QuiteACharacter

Our next category is for:


The nominees are:

Dr. Jeff Cory, M.D.

Mary Worth

Mr. Allora

Toby Cameron

Tommy Beedie

Wilbur Weston

And the Worthy goes to:

Wilbur Weston

No one has earned more loving cups than Wilbur Weston!

Our next category is perhaps the most anticipated:


The nominees are:

Old Footwear
Infinite Possibilities
Muffin Hat: It's funny because he assaulted her

Ol' Green Eyes

Screw California's Water Shortage

Italian Discos are the Best Discos

And the Worthy Award goes to:

Muffin Hat: It's funny because he assaulted her
HaHaHaHaHa! I'm still laughing about how funny it is.

Our final category is STORY OF THE YEAR.

The nominees are:

Mary's Muffins

Wilbur Spirals into Suicidal Depression

Mary Buys Tires

Libby the One Eyed Cat

And the winner of the Worthy Award for STORY OF THE YEAR goes to:

Wilbur Spirals into Suicidal Depression

2018 was a phenomonal year in Santa Royale. Thank you everyone for hanging out with Mary Worth and Me. If you feel so inspired to leave a tip in the tip jar, you can do so here:

2019 looks promising already, so I wish you all a wonderful New Year!

~ Wanders


KitKat said...

Dear Wanders, based on my laughing out loud at the breakfast table, this is the best Worthy Awards ever! Simply outstanding! BTW, today is my birthday (along with co-celebrants Katie Couric, Nicolas Cage, and Millard Fillmore), and the Worthy Awards are a wonderful gift. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

KitKat said...

Oops, I forgot to comment on the musical opening, which started things on the perfect bizarre note. The Fifties were really weird. I wonder about the person who masterminded THAT musical interlude.

Wanders said...

Happy Birthday, KitKat, to you and your co-celebrants! The Doggy in the Window was a HUGE hit. It was the "Thank U, Next" of its day, and Patti Page was the Ariana Grande.

Nance said...

Way to bring in this year's Worthies on time and within budget, Wanders, although not without a breath of scandal.

Did all my faves win? No. But I certainly enjoyed the show.

@KitKat--Happy Birthday, dear! And may there be many, many more. Are you having Pink Cake?

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Happy birthday KitKat. Speaking of pink cakes, John Dill will be sending one to you straight from NYC. It may be a little stale, but it's the thought that counts.

Most of my favs won, especially panel of the century Ted "what a character" Miller and his muffin hat. Bravo Wanders! I can hardly wait for nesxt year's nominees from June's insane drawings and KM's heavy handed dialogue.

Yahoonski said...

Thank you Wanders, and Happy Birthday KitKat.

Looking at the panel of the year again, I realize that Mary is so outraged that she can't even look at poor Ted as she glares with her flashing blue orbs into the middle distance.

LouiseF said...

Some of my faves did not win, but I consoled myself with the knowledge that it is, after all, an honor just to be nominated. As for Toby and her Old Familiar, it would appear she is getting her just desserts, and those would be muffins.

Anonymous said...

Good show, Wanders. Nicely done.

I am stunned that the Quadumvirate of Abandonment didn't win for Outstanding Floating Head! Stunned, I tell you! Especially since Wilbur won Recurring Character and Story of the Year. How can this be? You get four heads for the price of one! Ah well.

-- Scottie McW.

MissScarlet said...

I laughed so hard at "it's not like he was nominated to the Supreme Court" that I had to explain the joke to my wondering husband. Thanks Wanders!

fauxprof said...

Happy Birthday, Dear KitKat, and thank you, Wanders, for another stellar Worthy Awards. As for the opening number, I am old enough to remember “Doggie In The Window” (I think it was top of the charts when I was about five), but the video was amazingly bizarre. From her black fur stole to the random child to the seriously sedated cocker spaniel pup, it represents the 1950s on steroids. Well done!

Shrug said...

Congratulations to all of the worthy Worthy Award winners, and to the rest, remember that it's an honor just to be nominated (for some values of 'honor').

In the "Doggie in the Window" video, I note that at the end Patti Page walks off with the pooch without paying for it. I don't think I've ever before seen a video in which someone shoplifts a dog. Possibly Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars, could pitch the idea to RETAIL for a storyline there?

Tim said...

Only someone with a heart of stone wouldn't laugh at drunken Wilbur sitting on the edge of lookout cliff.

Jana C.H. said...

I've known the chorus to "Doggy in the Window" for as long as I can remember, but I've never heard the verses before. The singer wants to buy the dog for her boyfriend while she gads around sunny California? To protect him from burglars. Right, "burglars." Wilbur should have picked up a puppy for Iris before he took off for South America. Greta probably wasn't available that long ago, but I'm sure he could have found a nice Rottweiler with a taste for Millennials.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful work, Wanders - I look forward to the Worthy Awards every year and your comments this year have to be the best ever! Thank you!

Too bad for the cocker spaniel that it wasn't Mary Worth who stole him from the pet shop; he'd likely still be alive.

Mrvy said...

Even more shocking than Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys not winning Golden Globes last night, even though The Americans won best drama. Go figure. Happy birthday KitKat and thank you as ever, Wanderers.

Mrvy said...

Oh, my comment just previous was a reply to Scotty McW at 10:55 am. That's not obvious on the web version of the website, only on the mobile.

Peggy Olson said...

Tremendous ceremony, Wanders. Let's hope that Matt Damon plays Ted Miller on an upcoming SNL skit.

Happy Birthday, KitKat. May you celebrate with muffin hats and Wilbur's favorite cocktails.

Steve G said...

Suggestion for a new category ( for next year or an addendum to this year's because we're all bored): Best Boldface Haiku

Nance's work is often better than the strip itself.