Mary Worth 934

If you think things have been exciting this week as Adrian has read Jill's letter, just wait until next week when Scott reads it!

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Mary Worth 933

You mean, erase from our memories the most memorable, spectacular, excellent moment in Mary Worth in 2010? A moment so awesome that Joe Giella has chosen to recreate it for today's strip just to remind us of what you want us to erase? Consider it erased.

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Mary Worth 932

"It doesn't matter how... It doesn't matter that you were a fool to lose $50,000 to a con man... it doesn't matter that you fell in love with the cop who 'saved' you... it doesn't matter that you make three times as much money as him... What matters is that you are both desperate enough to think you're happy together..."

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The 2010 Worthy Awards

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is time once again! Welcome to the third annual Worthy Awards, where we gather to celebrate the remarkable achievements of those who live, work and love in Santa Royale, California. Only a few will walk away tonight with the prestigious Worthy Award Loving Cup, but all nominees can take comfort in knowing that there are no real losers when everyone is a real loser.

It's become a tradition to start the Worthy Awards by awarding the coveted Aldo Kelrast Memorial Award to a character who died during the year. It kind of gets things started on a real upbeat note. This year, the coveted Aldo Kelrast Award goes to Richie!

Poor Richie gunned down in the middle of the night, and only an inept vigilante to avenge you. On the upside, no one rocks a vest like you. So congratulations, Richie, on your remarkable achievement.

But now, onto the main event.

This year's nominees were selected by the Charterstone Condo Board, but the final winners were chosen by you, dear readers. Your love and support and interest in these remarkable characters, wonderful stories, and ground breaking artistic accomplishments is what makes tonight so special.

Our first category is:

Outstanding Achievement in Costume Design
And the nominees are:

"Dawn, Your Shirt is Boiling Over"

"My Suit Matches My Lemon Meringue Pie"

Jenna's Non-Reflective Dress

The Perfect Combination of Features I Love

And the award for outstanding achievement in costume design goes to:

"Dawn, Your Shirt is Boiling Over"

I have to admit to being personally satisfied with this recognition. While there aren't any free secret messages during today's awards ceremony, the "boiling over" observation originally appeared as a free secret message. The fact that you, dear readers, chose it reassures me that I'm not the only one who found Dawn's shirt in this panel to be hilarious. Additionally, it should be noted that this is the first time the costume award has gone to a costume that did not include partial nudity. So I have hope that my readers' tastes are improving.

Our next Worthy Award category is:

Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character

And the nominees are:

Lonnie Roberts

Helen Clark

Chin Napkin

Jill Black

And the award goes to:

Helen Clark

Helen Clark touched a lot of hearts in her short visit at the beginning of 2010. She touched them so deeply that her memory lingered throughout the year. And while there were many wonderful visitors to Santa Royale this year, no one was more reminiscent of David Bowie, circa 1997. Thank you, Helen Clark, for the music.

I should also note that Helen Clark beat Jill black by only 3/10's of a percent! Jill Black is FURIOUS about it. She'd go out and get drunk, but Helen Clark already drained the liquor cabinet. I guess we just love alcoholics.

Moving on from the closest victory ever to the biggest blow out ever...:

Outstanding Performance by an Established Character

The nominees are:

Mary Worth

Dr. Adrian Corey

Wilbur Weston

Dr. Jeff Corey

And the award goes to:

Wilbur Weston

As I mentioned, this was our biggest blowout in the history of Worthy Awards. Wilbur really pulled it out for this one: frolicking, life-long regret, ham sandwiches. It was a performance that will really be hard to equal. Well done.

And now, one of my personal favorite categories:

Outstanding Panel of the Year

And the nominees are:

What Are These Feelings?

* @ ^ % $ # !

Final Parting

Bonnie Johnson's Back Window (all four times it was used)

And the Outstanding Panel of 2010 is:

* @ ^ % $ # !

This outstanding panel was saved until the very last few weeks of 2010, much like Hollywood releases its finest, most artistic films at the end of the year so that more people will buy tickets once the award season begins. Moy and Giella should be very, very proud of this particular artistic achievement.

And now:

The Outstanding Mary Worth Story of 2010

Love Child Wanna Be

Love Isn't for Them

My Father the Vigilante

She Has Wedding Planning Experience

And the winner is:

She Has Wedding Planning Experience

I hope, dear readers, that you enjoyed 2010 as much as I did. Your daily participation here, even if you don't make a comment, is truly appreciated. I laugh every day at your observations. You make this blog very fun for me.

Mary Worth 931

"I'd know that handwriting anywhere... it's on all of my performance reviews."

In other news, an exhibit called "All Works Guaranteed Stolen," is running from January 6 – 22 at the Atlantic Works Gallery in East Boston. In this exhibit, the artists are pushing copyright boundaries with extremely "derivative" pieces. The Mary Worth piece is not only startling good, but remarkably timely. I mean, in the Worthiverse, this happened LAST NIGHT!

And finally, today is your last day to vote for the Worthy Awards!

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Mary Worth 930

I can't quite pin it down, but there's something about that large manila envelope that stands out from the rest. Perhaps it is Jill's letter bomb.

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Mary Worth 929

For those of you who have planted your flags in the Drew/Jill romance camp, I think we can safely say that our new story is either about Jeff and Drew helping the clinic in Vietnam, or what happens when you eat an entire plate of salmon squares in a public setting.

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Mary Worth 928

I'm not saying you can't clap like that... it's physically possible, but emotionally disturbing to witness so close up.

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Mary Worth 927

Drew! Oh, Drew! You made it. I can't tell you how excited I am to see you. You seem to have really matured since you left for Vietnam. You've already said two sentences without talking about how great you are.

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Mary Worth 926

Well, it was a lovely wedding... We gathered together at the Church of Math to add one man and one woman together to make one flesh, as the Bible says.

I was a little surprised when the bride's father got disoriented and walked her down the side aisle of the church, but it gave those of us with bad seats and bad mustaches a better look at all the features to love on the bride's dress.

It was a bit stunning when William Shakespeare arrived and quoted from Henry VI, Part III. In fact, it was horribly inappropriate, as Shakespeare usually is when he appears in Mary Worth. He quoted from a scene when the spineless king decides he'd rather meditate than rule, so he asks two of his former enemies to rule jointly in his stead by joining their hearts together. One of the two men pretty quickly turns back against the king and helps slay his son, if I'm remembering right, which I think I am. Anyway, I hope this isn't going to doom the marriage...

The minister had barely started the service, when Shakespeare began to read Venus and Adonis. "Love comforteth like sunshine after rain..." except he said "comforts" instead of "comforteth" so that the groom's friends wouldn't get confused. Also, the poem was way too long and is perhaps his most erotic work. I was really embarrassed for William Shakespeare.

Everyone was really happy and jumped up and started to congratulate the couple, but then the minister asked us to quiet down because he wasn't done yet. Eventually, Mr. and Dr. Scott Hewlett were happily married. I just hope that nothing insane happens at the reception, like some crazy drunk crashing through the wall of the caterer's and ruining the cake...



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