Monday, August 15, 2016

Mary Worth 2377

He can't shave his face, but his chest is as as smooth as a Vicodin gel-cap?


Nance said...

Next up: Tommy's descent into a Life Of Crime.

Yahoonski said...

You have to wonder if anybody ever cleaned up that rest room accident.

fauxprof said...

Let's give June points for continuity. For example, Tommy's bedside lamp ($12.95 at Big Lots). We also can try to deduce how much time has passed by the number of pill bottles in evidence. I'll leave it to DWET to comment on Tommy's torso.

KitKat said...

If Tommy has taken too many days off and did a crummy job when he DID show up, why is Jerry sorry to fire him? Jerry should be glad that Tommy gave him just cause to ax him.

Memo to June: Joe's Jerry was much more appealing, with his Hawaiian shirts and dark mustache. Can you give Jerry a makeover?

meg said...

Direct from Santa Royale, another episode of "Slow on the Uptake Theater":

Tommy, surprisingly diligent, is working his way through the Yellow Pages Physicians section, backwards through the alphabet. He is now in the C-section.

Dr. Drew Cory: Sorry about the pain you're experiencing, Timmy. Here's a prescription for Vicodin that should help. Take 2, 4 times a day, and just call me when you run out. By the way, the nurses have complained about your body odor, so please shower and shave before you come in next time. Pain makes most people sweat just like you do.

"Timmy Beatty": Thankyouverymuchdocseeyousoongottagonowbye.

Later that same day, at Mary's hizzle:

Mary: Another glass of buttermilk, Jeff, dear?
Jeff: Umm, yeah.

While Mary is in the kitchen, Jeff drinks thirstily from his pocket flask. He reasons that bourbon and buttermilk is just like eggnog.

Mary: How is Drew? Is he still a doctor?

Jeff: Yes, and he had an interesting patient today.(Dr. Drew's motto is, we don't need no stinkin' HIPPA). A young man came in, very disheveled, long, uncut blond hair, and sweating heavily. He was in TERRIBLE pain, so Drew prescribed some of the newest high-tech painkillers. The patient was much happier when he left.

Mary: Was he a new patient?

Jeff: Yes, he was named....Timmy Beatty, I believe. Drew thought he might be a doctor shopper, but his name didn't come up in the computer.


Mary answers the door.
Hello, Tommy, it's good to see you.
Tommy: Helllloooo, Maaaarrry, caaaannnn Mommmmm borrrroooow a cup of Splak, no, I mean Kelk.

Mary: Of course, dear. How is Iris, still studying the History of Poppies at college?
Tommy: Yeah, sure. Thanks, Mary, I'll pay you back the first of the month when I get my disability check.
Mary: Think nothing of it, it would only be $1.87 plus tax for that packet. Consider it a gift.
Tommy: In that case, can I borrow $200 until the first of the month?
Mary: Oh, Tommy, you kidder!
Shuts door rapidly in his face.

Jeff: Who was that boy? He seemed like a nice young chap,
Mary: Oh, that's Tommy Beedie. He's lovely, but he didn't look very well today. He hurt his back a month ago, and he's still in terrible pain, and so unkempt and sweating.
Jeff: How about another glass of buttermilk, Mary dear?

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Hubba, hubba! Move over, Dawn! I'm a-waitin' for ya, Tommy! Pass the pills and scootch over a bit.

DWET said...

@fauxprof: All I can say is ... SIGH!

Anonymous said...

Kaaa CHING!!! You can't fire someone on Medical Leave.

Wrongful discharge lawsuit and Tommy won't have to work for years!
(Jerry needed to ask Tommy for a doctor's note - which should be as easy to get as unlimited prescriptions - but allowed for due process.)

If Tommy were smarter - he'd have gone back to work and faked the back injury while lifting a bucket of water.
Workman's Comp Claim!!!

Thanks Karen for this valuable lesson on how to game the system for a lifetime of happiness.

Anonymous said...

June - perhaps Uncle Joe, in his haste to board his plane heading to Bora Bora, neglected to instruct you on a few of the finer points of "Mary Worth." No one... I mean... NO ONE... in Santa Royale has nipples. Clean it up, sister; clean it up!

Anonymous said...

Oh, and I also want to speak to the recent appearance of two people of color (male doctor; woman pharmacist) in this strip. Everyone is remarking on such progression as if we can account this solely to June, when really.. it is her husband Roy who is now the colorist... Nice job, Roy.

DWETagain -- couldn't resist! said...

@Anonymous: re: nipples:

YESSSSSS!!!!!!!! Halleluyah!!!!! Tommy, you were nice enough to show us yours (so scrumptiously sculpted out of pristine marble!) ... now I'll ...
(oops ... don't want to get to racy on the nets) Toodles! XXOOO

Anonymous said...

I hate to be the one that has to break this news to all of the DWET's.

Tommy likes dudes. Tina baby was just a beard. She tried to change Tommy the same way you are trying to change him for Dawn but she couldn't and had to dump him.

Tommy spent too much time in the cooler as the little spoon to ever really like girls again.

Yahoonski said...

Meg: Your script was all brilliant, but you would have had me even if you stopped after the title "Slow on the Uptake Theater."

Five pill bottles yet again. Verily we have entered a new era of continuity.

fauxprof said...


Iris seems particularly clueless today. She has no idea that Tommy has been fired and has been turning her spare bedroom into a squalid pit for days, perhaps weeks. (Note to June: people look better with upper lips.)

KitKat said...


Nothing good can come from Tina calling Mommy Beedie. Tina, get back to dating those other people!

Note to @meg for yesterday - another brilliant scenario!

Toots McGee said...

re: Meg's scenario, Tommy might also resort to raiding every medicine cabinet at Charterstone to see what goodies he can find stashed away by the heavily medicated residents.

Hi, I'm Tommy Beedle, Iris' son. We live right down the hall. We're having some, um, plumbing issues. Could I trouble you to use your bathroom? I'm so sorry to impose. I won't be a minute.....
[Five minutes later]
Everything okay in there?
Uh, yeah,'s these darned button fly jeans! So tricky. Be right out!

Of course, dim bulb Tommy comes home with mostly stool softeners and Xanax....which he gobbles down out of desperation, passing out in his bedroom and making a HUGE mess.

Anonymous said...

Tina has Iris' cell phone number???!!!
How did that happen?

a) Tommy: Hey Tina - here's my mom's number. Feel free to call her if I start ghosting you.
b) Tina: Hey Tommy - can I have your mom's phone number? Just in case I tell you it's over and you ghost me.

What ex-girlfriend calls the guy's mother? Is Tina still in high school?
This is wrong on so many levels.

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Tommy, honey, you look so relaxed and hunky! But I don't want to be there with you when Iris comes in with her cell phone with Tina on the line. So, I'm just going to turn you back over to ... DAWN!!! DAWN will love you, Tommy! Forget all about that blah-blah boring Tina!

Well, Worthy Fans, what do you think Iris will do? I think she will walk in on Tommay and say something like, "Tommy, dear, it's Tina on the phone for you. ... Oh, here, let me clean up these empty pill bottles for you. You look so comfortable resting! I don't want you to strain your back. Shall I go to Pharmacy and refill your Vicodin prescription? I'll be back in a jiffy! Maybe on the way back, I can talk to Jerry and convince him to take you back."

Tommy sez, "Sure! Thanks, Ma!"