Sunday, August 28, 2016

Mary Worth 2386

These two ought to open their own Pharmacy.


meg said...

There's a palpable air of excitement at Charterstone. Today is the day of the fabulous Pool Party, which, like the residents, is semi-regular. But today is a very different day, for the attendees include the Giella characters AND the Brigman characters (scripted by Moy and colored by Roy)! Who knows what may occur when the dynamic duos confront one another. Let's look in:

G. Mary and B. Mary are eyeing one another warily. Suddenly G. Mary says, your hair is scraggly, your clothes are tacky, and no one will ever love you and you're gonna die old, ugly and alone! B. Mary fells G. Mary with one quick karate chop, then struts around the picnic table with her index fingers held high, chanting, I'm Number One! Suddenly, GMary, outweighing BMary by a good 80 pounds, leaps to her feet and frogmarches her rival to the pool. Splash! That went well, says GMary smugly (which is how she says everything). You know, dear, you really should wear lipstick. Those thin little lips make you look very mannish. BMary: sputter, #!@%** GMary goes off to join the other guests. (Yes, I know that Mary has gone off years ago).

Here's GJeff and BJeff, standing awkwardly, regarding each other. GJeff is a handsome man of late middle age, with graying temples and a thick head of burnt sienna hair. He's wearing a green checked jacket and orange pants. BJeff is totally gray, with a manly bald spot at the crown of his head. He is unaware of it. They start to chat:
I've got a boat. So do I! Maybe we can take a ride later! Can we go have a few drinks first? Sure, as long as it's at my favorite restaurant-(in unison) THE BUM BOAT!! They walk happily away, arm in arm. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Wearing cargo shorts and a tank top,a buff and beardless B.Ian is attempting to give G.Ian a wedgie. G.Ian, wearing his Cameron tartan kilt, is not wedgie-able, as B.Ian finds out to his horror. G.Ian: Ye can ne'er gie a wedgie tae a true scotsman, ye knave. I'll shaw ye whit a true scotsman can dae tae a snivelin' wee puke loch yerself! B.Ian: Geez, old man, simmer down. I didn't mean to hurt ye, er, you. Where can I get a drink around this place? G.Ian: Ah thought yoo'd ne'er ask, laddie. Woods ye loch a big bevvy from the Cameron bar?
And they're off, walking briskly toward the Cameron croft.

meg said...

G. Tommy, sporting his Dutch boy hairstyle, is talking with the pimply and sweaty B.Tommy. It's awkward until BTommy asks: Can you tell me where I can get know? GTommy: Sure...and he leads him to the chicken salad appetizers on the buffet. BTommy: What th' ?#@!**#?

Just then the two Mssrs Allora arrive. G Mr. Allora is slight and slim with an impassive expression -he's wearing the standard Santa Royale handyman mufti-tan gabardine pants and shirt (see Mary Worth 1550, with Elinor Kinley). B Mr. Allora is a lean, mean, muscle machine wearing the standard Santa Royale pool boy garb- an aloha shirt and a speedo. They talk about how messy these picnics tend to be. Suddenly, the two Tommys see them: There's the guy who made me hurt my back because he was so tardy bringing the hand truck! Let's get him! (Note: in this fight, the mechanicals will defeat the druggies and dump them into the pool with BMary).

The two Jerrys are manning the buffet table, making sandwiches as fast as they can, for they see that the two Wilburs have arrived. G. Wilbur is a Jason Alexander doppelganger, while B. Wilbur strongly resembles George Costanza. They run awkwardly toward the food, shouting Extra mustard, Jerry, just the way I like it!

Meanwhile, four women with unnaturally blonde hair are standing in a group, trying to determine who's who. The G. Iris and the G. Toby look quite a bit alike, and it is impossible to tell which of the other two are B Toby or B Iris. Finally, they decide to let their menfolk sort it out, but then no one wants to go home with either of the Ians or the Wilburs. Looks like it'll be girls night out at the Lemon Tree Cafe.

Suddenly, Joe Giella arrives: I've made a terrible mistake! This will never work! Outta here, Brigmans! Charterstone residents, come back to Uncle Joe!
And so they do.

Mary, the original and one and only, smiles smugly. It all worked out as she had planned. And she didn't even have to call upon little Olive, or the Hastings couple. Oh, no, a last minute problem! The Brigman Chester the Dog has arrived, and he's a rabid Rottweiler, foaming at the mouth. Everyone scatters, and the Giella Chester T.D. has the buffet table all to himself.

The End

PS New Dawn and new Prof HarJo are in an important meeting with new Hilton Berkes. I'm happy to inform you that new Hilton is African American with an impressive 'fro and a no-nonsense attitude toward teacher-student affairs.

fauxprof said...

@meg, I love you!!!

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Wha...?!?!? ARGH!!! I’m about to write to “Ask Wendy” and ask her when Wilbur will be returning! Mary is a total bumbler when it comes to advice, at least in this particular “plot”! Tommy’s problem is past drug addiction and current Vicodin abuse. Mary and Iris were both in the doctor’s office when the doctor prescribed overly intense drugs for Tommy’s back problem ... and they said NOTHING! Now, Mary says that the problem is that Iris has not been spending enough time with Tommy (!?!?!?!), and—for the very first time since this “plot” started—Iris considers drugs to be the possible cause of Tommy’s problems, except she thinks that he’s not getting enough Vicodin due to his tolerance of drugs. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again ... ARGH!!!

KitKat said...

Can. I nominate @meg for a special Worthy Award for Stellar Scriptwriting? This is fantastic! (Karen Moy has locked herself in her bathroom and is bawling her eyes out.)

meg said...

The stuff writes itself, kiddies.

Petunia said...

Well, if Karen Moy is bawling her eyes out, she'll fit right in with the new characters when they stand in profile.