Wow! That's pretty cool, Olive. I want to try that! Excuse me, folks, while I go find two strangers with dogs I've never met and stick my hand inside their mouths and grab their tongues. Um; I should clarify; into the dogs' mouths.
"Oh . . . Ha ha ha! Mr. Wynter, Greta says your apartment stinks. Her sense of smell is really acute, and she wishes you would bathe more often." [Greta high-fives Olive] -- Scottie
I had completely forgotten that Olive has Animal Mindspeech. Perhaps she will avert disaster during the Santa Royale Hot Air Balloon Festival by coordinating all the seagulls in a rescue operation of some kind…fauxprof
And off we go to meet Estelle and Dr. Ed at the veterinary clinic. Bring your antibacterial hand wipes, Mary. Olive will be opening cages and grabbing tongues, left and right. I hope that Dr. Ed's practice includes treating rattlesnakes.
Maybe Dr. Ed Harding will offer to hire Olive as his new assistant. Yes, she's a minor and her parents live on the other side of the country, among other piddling issues, BUT she has special powers and she's Mary Worth's acolyte/handmaiden. It's a match made in the Worthiverse!
"Oh Mary, we are up SO high in the sky! All the people on the ground look like ants! Except that fat guy with the combover by the concession stand." -- Scottie
"Olive, you remind me of myself at your age: fantastic in every possible way, brimming with goodness and absent of any fault, and, aw shucks, I'll say it, the finest human being on the planet."
I've been reading this strip for a while now and I don't recall Mary having any particular abilities or unusual talents. Muffin making and meddling really don't seem up to the standards of being able to read animals minds and being able to fortell potential disasters. Olive doesn't seem very perceptive when it comes to BS, does she?
I can only hope that I am as wise, perceptive, talented and well-dressed as Mary when I am the oldest human being on the planet. Hmmphh! Young folks today are so fresh.
To save money, Mary has chosen the Go Fly Yourself Balloon Festival ticket. This is her opportunity to show off her and Olive’s extraordinary superhuman abilities. Go, Mary, go fly yourself! (I, as always, will continue to hope for the worst, er, best.)
Good point @KitKat. Looks like that guy decided to bail rather than ride with Mary. Olive hasn't noticed, has she? Maybe she's not as prescient as we have been led to believe.
Frequent longtime readers will recognize Ian Cameron’s near-doppelgänger cousin, Lachlan MacMurdoch, from The Case of the Missing Case of Auld Sheep Dip, which disappeared from Ian’s liquor locker on Hogmanay Eve, 1999. One can only hope these cases have nothing in common, but the cousin seems drunk. BWI.?
"Excuse me, Mrs. Worth, but who's the captain of this balloon? That's right, I am. Now listen, the forecast in last week's Santa Royale Penny Saver said it would be clear today, okay? So who are you going to believe, them or your lying eyes? Besides, my horoscope said it's nothing to worry about. Alright, hold on now, I'm gonna take 'er up a little higher." -- Scottie
Pink clouds at night, Sailors delight. Pink clouds at morn, Sailors forlorn. Pink clouds at noon, Balloonist swoon. Black edges abound, All hit the ground.
Yeah, @ hmmmm; I agree. I didn't see the Comics Curmudgeon comments until after I had tried my hand.
Meanwhile, the wind has become gusty and the balloon is being rocked uncontrollably. Who could have known? What a surprise!
We know nothing bad will actually happen, although I guess Stanley could suffer some harm. Will Olive save him ? Maybe she's can control the weather. I can hardly wait!
Olive and Mary should have tossed Stanley out when they had the chance. That would have lightened the basket enough to lift it up and over those trees.
Oh no, how could this have happened? Well, Stanley (spoken in a tone dripping with sarcasm), perhaps if you hadn’t frequented the Balloon Fest Pub with your cousin, and proceeded to get blootered out yer tree, we wouldn’t be in this tree.
Stanley: "Oh no... How could this have happened?" Mary: "Oh, Stanley. Please don't blame yourself. No one would have expected you to read the weather forecast or to educate yourself in the piloting of a hot air balloon, or even to familiarize yourself with emergency measures before taking on as passengers, a child and an elderly woman, and then steering them out over a remote area, heavily populated by wolves and bears, and where there is absolutely no possibility of cell phone coverage."
Mary: "Oh, and by the way, do either of you have a pencil? Seeing that the chances of us being rescued are very slim, I'd like to leave a note for my friend, Dr. Jeff, in the remote chance that someday our bodies will be found. I'd like him to know that tonight would have been the night, tee hee."
Well, this is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley. (yes, I'm old).
I wonder if they will realize that even if you don't have cell phone coverage, you can SOS with your phone? And also, you can be located by your phone signal. On the other hand, will the Santa Royale officials realize that they are missing? Maybe Mary's reputation will be so well known that they won't want to look for her. Too bad about Olive and Stanley, though.
If Wilbur could fall off a cruise ship and only lose a shoe, Mary and Olive will combine their powers to survive somehow, e.g., summoning a kind Sasquatch who will gently shake them from the tree and carry them to safety. The jury's still out on the befuddled Stanley, who might be one of those hapless minor characters who become collateral damage. The Santa Royale Balloon Festival must have very lax safety qualifications for balloons and their pilots. Did Mary sign a release for herself? How about for Olive, who's a minor, and for whom Mary has no custodial authority?
Camilla Parker Bowles, previously crouching on the floor to avoid paparazzi, pops up to note her concern: “That’s not possible! Long live me! (The Queen).”
While Saul and Eve are out walking their dogs together, Max and Greta suddenly and simultaneously become agitated. They begin straining at their leashes in the direction of the ill-fated balloon. Eventually they both summon the strength to drag their owners behind them as they heed Olive's call. Thirty minutes later, on a remote mountain trail, Saul collapses. As an exhausted Eve tends to him, the dogs abandon them and continue on their mission. Eve rethinks her opinion that dogs are good. -- Scottie
Meanwhile, lily-livered Stanley suggests that "maybe one of us can climb down and go for help," while clearly meaning one of those two. He's every bit as brave and manly as he is smart. -- Scottie
@Scottie, you seem to be on the KM trail. Saul never removing that sport coat will contribute to his heat exhaustion.
Maybe Max and Greta have friends at the Santa Royale Canine Police Academy, and they'll drag Saul and Eve there so the pooches can sound the alarm: "Bark, Arf! BARK ARF! Awhoooo!!"
"What is it, girl? What is it? Did Timmy fall down a well? . . . No? . . . Um, is Timmy trapped in quicksand? . . . No? . . . Um, well, I'm completely out of ideas!" -- Scottie
On Monday, September 29, 2025 at 01:33:17 PM EDT, mtrehub@aol.com wrote:
Sent from the all new AOL app for iOS
On Monday, September 29, 2025, 1:31 PM, mtrehub@aol.com wrote:
Ruh -Roh! Our supreme leaders are in trouble! What do we do? Hey Oli!
‘Turn left out of the dog park and trot 3.7 miles on Wild Barking Lane. Turn right on Charterstone Wilderness Road and race wildly to a stand of trees with a balloon stuck in it. Go past that balloon; it’s Wilbur Weston, and he has strong survivor skills. Then run to the next tree and yap mindlessly until Olive contacts the Rescue Rovers (mentally). Meanwhile, Mary Worth will sing the Aretha Franklin version of Rescue Me, and Stanley continues to bring up what he’s been drinking. Saul and Eve are collapsed by the roadside several miles back.
So the dogs have to drag the oldies into the forest to find the tree with a balloon in it (5 miles? 10?). Then someone has to run back for help. I predict somebody (besides Stanley) is gonna fall dead.
Never mind, forget the oldies. Arf! Woof! Sure hope these leashes don't get snagged on anything. It's amazing that Santa Royale was allowed to pave roads through a forest. I wonder why Olive, Mary and Stanley can't see any from their vantage point.
Saul and Eve are in a self-driving, no-seeing Buick. Expect them to crash into the correct tree and dislodge the stuck balloon on Sunday. (We'll never know who made the inane rabbit remark.)
Stanley is hugely disappointed to see that Max doesn't have a small keg of brandy strapped around his neck. That flask he's been pulling on since this morning is almost empty! -- Scottie
I find myself wishing Moy could come up with an imaginative plotline that also could be believable. Seems like whenever we get a fun plotline the arc is ridiculously outlandish. Meanwhile, Max and Greta have managed to loose their leashes. I wonder if the Santa Royale Forest Service has a leash law.
Bless me Mary, for I have sinned. I first erred in assuming that because they both have beards, Stanley and Ian were related, and that they were both Scotsmen. And that they both drank both on and off the job.
Extensive research has now shown me the error of my ways.
In no scene is Stanley shown having a wee drinkie. In no scene does Stanley utter anything like “I’s fin to hurl in a balloon.” Nor does he hurl. There are no kilts worn (as far as as I can tell). No snide dirk references. no casual allusions to cabers. Therefore I can only conclude that Stanley is neither Scot. Nor a drinker. Nor has he been identified as male. Therefore, they (Stanley) is a teetotaler from California who drinks only Red Bull, and will acquit themself with dignity during the balloon rescue. Unless they fall on the dynamic duo and their dogs.
And, as Bobby Burns would say, “DON’T QUOTE ME, LASSIE!”
And how handy that the vast deep forest has roads wide enough to accommodate a shiny salmon-color firetruck (Santa Royale’s theme colors are salmon and aqua).
Convenient, yes. Wide enough for a fire truck, check. But no valet parking? I don't think so. In any case, Saul is going to have to turn back once he remembers that he forgot to put his Hoveround in the trunk.
OK, so a road has magically appeared right next to the balloon. So now what? We are to believe that Saul and Eve get to them before anyone else? And will Saul and Eve's phones magically work? Or will they have to turn around and go find help. Good luck catching the dogs because they still don't have any leads.
Ah-ha! Once again, Mary has saved the day! Her quick thinking has alerted their rescuers to their exact location! Otherwise, I hate to think how long it would have taken Saul and Eve to look up in the tree!
Oh dear. Two of the three rescue workers obviously recognized Mary and have decided to leave her there. The third hesitates only because that's his Uncle Stanley. His hesitation is due to the fact that Uncle Stanley once promised to bequeath him his 1965 Shelby should an unfortunate balloon accident happen.
It's like the captain going down with the ship, right? Uh oh.... I wonder why Santa Royale painted their emergency vehicles brown. Were they trying to get them to blend into the forest?
As the rescue workers continue to mill about the truck playing Candy Crush on their phones, Mary and Stanley have decided that it's perfectly appropriate to put this rescue operation into the hands of a 14-year-old child. Oh well. Maybe if those unpredictable high winds show up again, the balloon will blow Olive all the way to NY and Mary can save some money on airfare.
I'm kinda liking Mary's new softer, windblown look. And @ Scottie and hmmm: too right. Somethings gonna happen! Maybe Olive will get to Oz after all. She'd fit right in. Maybe she'll learn to live in the tree canopy forever more. Maybe she'll disappear! Or, in true Moy form, nothing will happen.
Later that evening: Stanley relaxes in his La-Z-Boy, sipping a cup of Hadacol, listening to conelrad, and leafing through a favorite old album, “Sunny and Windy, the Balloonatics”, which detailed the marvelous previous career of Stanley and his late wife, Sally. Sally was known as Sunny, because of her sunny disposition. Stanley…. well, yes, he was and is, windy.
Then, he thinks to himself, “That Mary Worth is one fine-looking old woman. I wonder if she would go out to dinner, er..lunch, er..a cup of coffee, er..a walk with me? Can’t hurt to ask…Wonder how old she is…? I know, I’ll ask her who the first president she ever voted for was! “ (Mary: James M Cox, of course, just as soon as we ladies got the vote!)
Headlines from that week’s Santa Royale Whig Democrat: Elderly Physician Punches Out Elderly Balloonatic in Clash over Favors of Ancient Woman
Stanley decides to move to the Villages in Florida where elderly widows with money and loose morals await. Buh-bye, Stan!
On Tuesday, October 7, 2025, 7:22 PM, mtrehub@aol.com wrote:
Later that evening: Stanley relaxes in his La-Z-Boy, sipping a cup of Hadacol, listening to conelrad, and leafing through a favorite old album, “Sunny and Windy, the Balloonatics”, which detailed the marvelous previous career of Stanley and his late wife, Sally. Sally was known as Sunny, because of her sunny disposition. Stanley…. well, yes, he was and is, windy.
Then, he thinks to himself, “That Mary Worth is one fine-looking old woman. I wonder if she would go out to dinner, er..lunch, er..a cup of coffee, er..a walk with me? Can’t hurt to ask…Wonder how old she is…? I know, I’ll ask her who the first president she ever voted for was! “ (Mary: James M Cox, of course, just as soon as we ladies got the vote!)
Headlines from that week’s Santa Royale Whig Democrat: Elderly Physician Punches Out Elderly Balloonatic in Clash over Favors of Ancient Woman
Stanley decides to move to the Villages in Florida where elderly widows with money and loose morals await. Buh-bye, Stan!
Mr. firefighter must have overheard the plan to leave Olive in the tree. But that stretcher is hardly long enough to hold a toddler, never mind a 14-year-old. And why a stretcher? Wouldn't it be more likely they'd use that bucket thing that tree cutters and electrical workers use? In any case, no rescue worker on the planet is going to take two old codgers down and leave a kid up there by herself.
Terrific comments, everyone! You are firing on all cylinders! (@hmmm, it warms my heart that you spotted the errant Jerrybear post and recognized me. You are more observant than me, har har.)
On to today: "Congratulations, Stanley, as you go down in history as the first pilot to crash a balloon in a Santa Royale Balloon Festival! Hope you find a good lawyer -- you sure need one."
Observations: 1. The Santa Royale Fire Department employs only men and uses dog-bed mattresses as rescue equipment. 2. Does anyone else think the balloon and gondola look like a wacky primitive statue from a 1950s Grade D movie? Even Ed Wood would chortle.
Scottie was right! It's not a pretty scene, folks; not pretty at all! Thankfully, the camera has quickly swept away to focus on the dogs. Don't worry. No one fell out of the gondola. Actually, it's worse. Stanley's pants ripped and Mary lost her dentures.
What, we're cheated of seeing Mary, Olive, and Stanley being extricated from the tree? How could KM cheat June of this opportunity? Those illustrations would've been worthy of a Worthy Award, if the Worthy Awards hadn't been retired with Wanders, as @Scottie mentioned recently.
Tomorrow: Mary, Olive, Eve, Saul, Max, and Greta pile into the car and drive off, leaving Stanley weakly muttering under the tree.
Mary's "Hmm" translates to "Tomorrow I'll smile at Olive, give her a quick hug, then start my victory lap, which will last all week. After all, I'm the one who mentors Olive and her supernatural powers! I also have to call the Santa Royale Balloon Fest manager to complain about that idiot Stanley. What a dumb doofus!"
The depiction of behavior in this story, as in just about every story, gets lamer and lamer. One might think that Mary would be very concerned about seeing that Stanley and especially Olive are being brought down safely -- or at least somewhat interested. Or mildly curious. But evidently, one would be wrong. She's safe and that's all she cares about. -- Scottie
Mary found a diner that serves its sandwiches on ultra-dark pumpernickel polymer foam - mmm, chewy! Olive's chomping away, but Mary hasn't even removed the cellophane-frilled toothpick from her unusual club sandwich. Maybe Mary's learning something from this experience.
"Mutual love successfully carried my distress call to [Max and Greta]!"??!! Egad. I guess this means that the Tee-Hee Twosome, Evy and Ed, have no idea their daughter was in a balloon crash - not much mutual love there. It's mid October; is Olive ever returning to school? Or is Mary going to home school her?
"Mutual love" ?? She spent all of 5 minutes with those dogs. 'Mutual like' -sure. I'm sure Greta would like Saul to give her more treats. Olive should pass that bit on ASAP. @KitKat: too right. Olive has been out of school a long time. But I think muffin making interferes with home schooling. Maybe Mary could ask Dawn to help out? (shudder).
Normal people would at least lift an eyebrow or look askance while listening to Olive's explanation. Only Mary would launch a discourse on mental telepathy and being "awakened." Hoo boy....
I've been calling for help in my mind with every vital organ I've got along with a couple of non-vital ones, but this story just keeps slogging on. And it's gotten way more weird than even the fish funeral. Please, Karen. Make. It. Stop. -- Scottie
(Is this her way of making us beg for more Wilbur? If it is, I'm starting to crack.)
Well, here we go. I could handle a Toby story right now. How about Doctor whats-his-name becomes a grandfather and loses all interest in Mary? That would be fun!!
Just when I expected Mary to offer to take custody of Olive on the grounds that she is far more qualified to mentor Olive and her special powers, we're whisked to the airport for the Big Goodbye. Ed and Edy might've given serious thought to that; they often seem bewildered by Olive.
If the next "plot" (a too-grand description for KM's writing) involves either or both Westons, I'll join in the projectile puking that @Scottie mentioned.
Who hugs like that? Posing for a picture perhaps? Olive doesn't seem to have a selfie stick, however. Are they in a movie and we missed it. Does Brigman not know how to show people hugging? I agree @ KitKat and Scottie: no Westons!
Ah, the Santa Royale Airport (SRO), where passengers fly standing while strapped to the fuselage in the back of a cargo plane for their 20-minute flight to the real airport in L.A. -- Scottie
Who would have predicted, except all of us, that we would get a week of Mary's victory lap (1) on Jeff's outrageous yacht and (2) at the Bum Boat. By Thursday, Jeff will be glassy eyed as his favorite girl drones on about Olive and her remarkable powers, Greta's love for Max and Greta, blah blah blah....
"Your little friend"? Olive's 14, not 2, Jeff. Don't pretend to be interested in Olive to try to get cozy with Mary. You won't even foul off a pitch, let alone make it to third base.
Jeez, Jeff is skating on thin ice by asking "Did that really happen, Mary?" but he immediately falls into line. Next time, his boldness might end up with a push overboard.
So Jeff , trying vainly to make time with Mary, takes his hand off the wheel of Mega Boat to put an arm around Mary. Risky, kids, and Olive isn't there to save you now!
@LouiseF -- Back in New York, Olive's Meddlesense picks up a distress vibe from Mary, who becomes uneasy when Jeff's left hand casually moves from the helm to her waist. Olive alerts Max and Greta, who suddenly bolt from their evening constitutional and drag Saul and Eve into Santa Royale Bay.
Gadzooks, the good ship Ostentatious Doc is listing to port alarmingly. Get your hand off Mary and on the wheel, Jeff. Speaking of which, Jeff's hand looks like Thing. June is in the Halloween spirit.
Love the reference to Jeff Bezos' boat, meg. Jeff (Dr. Cory, not Bezos)' left hand has definitely been in some strange places this week.JB seems to be experimenting with illustrating Jeff's need to put his hands on Mary, who is so addled by cliches, she stands in his embrace.
Jeff's boat looks big enough to sleep a dozen people (doesn't have two helopads, though, like Bezos'). It's a shame that no one else is ever on it....well, one time there was Wilbur and a dead fish. Not sure that even counts.
Please let this be the end of Mary's congratulatory remarks. I'm done.
@MissScarlett, Mary and Jeff were just served their dinners, so I fear we're facing another week of self-congratulatory blah blah blah. It's Halloween week at the Bum Boat, with a menacing purple server (even his/her/its hands!) serving purple food on purple dishes with a purple napkin. Purple salmon for Mary and purple surf and turf for Jeff? Jeff may be cutting back on his booze consumption - that looks like a mini bottle of beer. A Little Kings Cream Ale?
Too right @ KitKat. Purple everywhere (did Harold color this strip?) except Mary's wine, which is blue.
Mary is trying to give us a little back story here, but I'm not buying it. When we first meet her she selling apples on the street during the Depression. Just how sensitive are we supposed to believe she was/is?
Such a weird thing for Jeff to say... Maybe he's glad Mary is friends with Olive, because it takes the pressure off of him. I don't think Jeff was a sensitive child, and that boat sure looks like he's compensating for something...
"Your teaching days"??!! Huh? I thought Mary was an independently wealthy widow who's meddled her way through life with nary a worry about maintaining her lifestyle.
Looking it up I found this: Yes, the comic strip character Mary Worth was a teacher. When Karen Moy took over the writing of the strip in 2003, she updated Mary Worth's backstory, establishing her as a former teacher. Key details of her background include: She is in her sixties and is the widow of a Wall Street tycoon. Originally from Ohio, she later moved from New York to a condominium in the fictional town of Santa Royale, California. In her current life, Mary Worth is often portrayed giving informal advice to her neighbors and other people she meets.
Looks like Moy decided Mary was someone else entirely.
@MissScarlet, many thanks for investigating Mary's revised bio a la KM. If Mary was in her 60s in 2003, she's pushing 90 now, unless KM decided to freeze her.
At the rate Mary and Jeff are consuming tiny bites of pie with those miniature forks, the boardwalk stroll will start at 11 p.m.
"I SO prefer 'familiar and comforting' dinners at the Bum Boat as opposed to hanging upside down in a tree from a crashed hot air balloon with an ESP-spouting teenager and an incompetent balloon pilot."
Miss Scarlett, Kit Kat, LouiseF, and meg -- Ha haaa, excellent comments, y'all! Moy has just about bored the snark right out of me, but you four are still going strong! -- Scottie
If I didn't know about KM's fondness for Rod Serling (She graduated from the Binghamton, NY campus that memorializes him in his hometown.), Mary's comment about Olive telepathically summoning the dogs might seem odd. But no. It serves to make Mary more interesting than I might expect of a typical soap opera character. Or maybe she bumped her head in that balloon crash...
Jeff's correct about desperate times calling for desperate measures. That's why except for the mysterious purple server, no one else was at the Bum Boat, no other watercraft were within sight of Jeff's ridiculous yacht, and no one else is strolling on the boardwalk. All other humans sensed the presence of Mary and Jeff and fled. Telepathy may have been involved.
Been away for a couple of days, but it looks like I didn't miss much. I must say, however, that Jeff is looking quite swole. We never see him working out but he must be doing something to get those arms. Meanwhile, Brigman still hasn't figured out how people actually hug.
When Mary starts a sentence with "It's been said..." it's time to turn off your mobile device or recycle your newspaper.
Note that Mary's wearing her light-up earrings tonight. That's because this pier is so dark and dangerous, no one other than Mary and Jeff would set foot on it. (Mary's looking exceptionally scary in p. 4 - very Borg-like, as in The Borg, not Bjorn Borg.)
Toby's immense love for her sunflower seeds opens up a channel for them to telepathically send her a booze alert. The last time he sat on that bench, Wilbur was so hammered, he dropped his bottle of gin and it rolled into the brush at the base of that tree.
"Oh, hello, little sunflower seeds! Mary's snooping around the hospital and Ian is supposedly at a [air quotes] teachers conference. So it's just you and me. And soon it will be just me, BWWAAAHHHAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAA!" -- Scottie
Oh my, what could possibly happen? Toby gets mugged. Toby has a heart attack. Toby inhales a sunflower seed and chokes to death. Toby has a sudden allergy to sunflower seeds. Toby get depressed because she's all alone.
Of course, none of those things will happen. And in reality, Toby is already hammered and barely made it to the bench.
Well. I’m hoping the sky turns dark from the clustering of thousands of birds, and CAW CAW CAW, down goes Toby. And Toby, FYI, what Mary calls ‘volunteer work’ is actually her pushing a cart of books around the hospital, spreading and collecting gossip as she goes. And, oh yeah, what Ian describes as a ‘teacher’s conference’- in Las Vegas, of all places, is actually an academic bacchanal where adjunct professors and grad students are actually ===CENSORED=== and ===CENSORED=== while wearing academic gowns.
@Scottie; too right. Toby is even dumber than I thought to fall for that humbug.
Meanwhile, it is true that Santa Royale/Barbara has flocks of wild parrots. We have even more where I live further south in California. No one really knows where they came from but the prevailing theory is from a pet store in Pasadena that caught fire, but the parrots got out in time. They thrive in SoCa because of the mild weather and plentiful fruit trees. I can count on a flock hitting the next door neighbors persimmon tree every Thanksgiving.
It's probably worth pointing out that these parrots are perfectly capable of snapping off a finger. They are not usually friendly, but I did have a friend with a pet parrot and that bird took a semi-precious gem right out of an earring - in a flash!
And of course the parrot is articulate and helpfully says "Chirp!", just like Greta and Max when they're trying to fool humans. Since Olive isn't there to interpret parrot language, I don't know what the hungry parrot is after, but sunflowerr seeds look like an appetizer, to be followed by the entree of Toby's eyes...
Well, this has certainly been an enthralling week. It would have been much more interesting if we were given a look at Ian and his colleagues cavorting on their teachers conference tour of Asian brothels and opium dens. -- Scottie
Good job, Toby. The bird will likely choke on the plastic bag as it tries to get the seeds out. She COULD have spilled them on the bench to make it easier, but no. Now she'll have to make a clay bird in tribute to the parrot...
So, this parrot is obviously someone's pet. Toby will 'adopt' the bird, but eventually the real owner will find out. Will Toby post a notice? Will Toby fall in love with the real owner? Will Toby have an affair?
Good point, @Scottie. Olive intuited that Toby was lonely and telepathically contacted the parrot. By the time Ian returns, Toby will have learned to say, "Toby wants a cracker!"
Once again we have stepped into the Moyzone. Clairvoyant teenagers and talking birds are all perfectly normal and daily occurrences. You know, Scottie may be on to something. Maybe Olive is using Sunny to keep an eye on Toby. Unfortunately, unless that bird is really strong and/or fast, she won't be able to keep Toby in line.
@hmmm, bingo. Our Worthiverse friends are staying away in droves. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that @meg will put more hilarious words in Chinbeard's mouth when he returns from the "teachers' conference" to find out a parrot has been installed in the spare room and Toby has spent $1,374.43 on the vet (Dr. Ed Harding?), the pet shop, and miscellaneous decor.
Toby’s doorbell:’Auld Lang Syne” (Rod Stewart version)
Toby: Who is it?
Voice: It’s me, your neighbor Wilbur Weston!
Toby (under her breath): Oh, no, it’s that boorish bore, Wilbur!
Wilbur enters. Sunny: Squawk! Oh, no! It’s the bore Wilbur! Wilbur: Nice parrot, Toby! Polly want a cracker, ha ha? Sunny: Cracker, ha ha! Wilbur: I love animals. Could I take your bird for a walk? Toby: Sure, Wilbur, I need to wipe down my kitchen counters. Here’s Sunny’s leash. Wilbur leaves with the bird perched on his new toupee. He walks directly to Charterstone Pub, orders and drinks a couple of brandies.
Bartender: Where’d you get the pig? Wilbur: Thash not a pig! Thash a parrot! Bartender: I was talking to the parrot.
Toby's door bell rings (sure, Rod Stewart it is). Toby: Yes? Strange: Lady, that's my parrot! What are you trying to pull here? Toby: She followed me home! Honest!
Oh happy day, @meg has ridden to our rescue! Thank you! That may be a vintage joke but it was new to me. Picturing Wilbur with Sunny on his pate and him being the butt of the joke is the icing on the cake, or the greasy sauce on the Woody's BBQ. BTW, I appreciate your comment, @Scottie.
Good golly, Toby has fallen for Sunny in a big way. Troubling....
Is this dreck going anywhere, or is it just a week of filler while Moy tries to think of something even dumber?
If it's going somewhere, where could that somewhere be?
• Mary is shocked by all the apartment damage and tells the condo board. The board initiates eviction proceedings. Drama ensues. Toby plots revenge.
• Dr. Ed Harding becomes famous when his report in a veterinary journal of a parrot with an I.Q. of 160 goes viral. He dumps Estelle for a hot Hartz Mountain sales rep.
• Ian staggers home and undergoes a sudden air attack. He fights back and wrings the parrot's neck. Jeff refuses to hold a parrot funeral on his aircraft carrier.
“Parrot Ruffles Feathers by Showing Up at Seoul Cafe” https://www.koreatimes.co.kr/amp/southkorea/environment-animals/20251118/parrot-ruffles-feathers-by-showing-up-uninvited-at-seoul-cafe
Hi, gang, fauxprof reporting back in. I cancelled my WaPo subscription, and didn’t realize what I’d been missing until KitKat IM’d me today. So I ponied up for Comics Kingdom, and got caught up.
Do parrots say “chirp”? I thought it was squawk.
Not to contravene so eminent an authority as Sir David Attenborough, Not everybody likes birds. I’m terrified of them. Except for penguins. I love penguins. Therefore, penguins are not birds.
Finally, Toby is more excited about Sunny than she is about vodka. Ian isn’t even in the running.
Thank you @ KitKat for the delightful article about the Korean, coffee-drinking parrot. And thank heavens fauxprof is back. You have been missed! Fun fact: my son has a pet canary who likes to fly around the apartment occasionally, and always independently returns to his cage. Fun fact #2: birds have no control over their 'bodily functions'. Will Toby ever learn about this? Will Moy?
Hurrah for the return of fauxprof! I was afraid you had defected to Judge Parker, or perhaps hunkered down in Wandersville. You’ll be relieved to know that you haven’t missed anything important in the Worthiverse, and you have avoided a lengthy encounter with the clairvoyant Olive, who can talk to the animals. But I digress.
Welcome back @fauxprof - you have been missed! And you're in time for the scene of Mary's Thanksgiving table, with all her sycophants, er, friends, gathered around. I wonder if Ian will return from the "teachers' conference" in time. I sure hope so; I'm picturing Sunny clinging to Ian's beard and yanking whiskers out one by one. That should prompt some colorful language from both of them.
Hi, fauxprof here. I see Mary’s baking skills have not evolved, and she is now producing gray muffins instead of raw ones. Too many blueberries? Toxic mold? Is she about to kill Toby’s parrot the same way she did Saul Wynter’s original little dog? - fauxprof
Toby leads such a full, creative, varied life: Watching TV with a parrot! Having her 117-year-old best friend (apparently her only friend) delivering disgusting baked goods as a pretense for snooping! Maybe she should launch her own YouTube show.
3,867 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 3601 – 3800 of 3867 Newer› Newest»Will Max communicate with Olive about the time he took a bullet for Eve?
Greta is particularly grateful because she can now communicate with someone and tell them exactly how she feels about those stupid neck-kerchiefs.
Wow! That's pretty cool, Olive. I want to try that! Excuse me, folks, while I go find two strangers with dogs I've never met and stick my hand inside their mouths and grab their tongues. Um; I should clarify; into the dogs' mouths.
"Oh . . . Ha ha ha! Mr. Wynter, Greta says your apartment stinks. Her sense of smell is really acute, and she wishes you would bathe more often." [Greta high-fives Olive] -- Scottie
I had completely forgotten that Olive has Animal Mindspeech. Perhaps she will avert disaster during the Santa Royale Hot Air Balloon Festival by coordinating all the seagulls in a rescue operation of some kind…fauxprof
Greta complains: ‘Wish I had a scarf instead of this ridiculous bow tie. Everyone is always misgendering me, even the vet!’
How odd!! All this time I've had the dogs reversed. I thought Max was the dachhund! I mean, the bow tie and all!
And off we go to meet Estelle and Dr. Ed at the veterinary clinic. Bring your antibacterial hand wipes, Mary. Olive will be opening cages and grabbing tongues, left and right. I hope that Dr. Ed's practice includes treating rattlesnakes.
There have been at least two movies that told us all about vets who could 'talk to the animals'. Sounds like a plan, Olive. You'll be in high demand.
Maybe Dr. Ed Harding will offer to hire Olive as his new assistant. Yes, she's a minor and her parents live on the other side of the country, among other piddling issues, BUT she has special powers and she's Mary Worth's acolyte/handmaiden. It's a match made in the Worthiverse!
I wonder how long Moy will make us wait. We all know something is gonna happen, and it won't just be 'Wheee'.
"Oh Mary, we are up SO high in the sky! All the people on the ground look like ants! Except that fat guy with the combover by the concession stand." -- Scottie
Apparently, Olive had an aisle seat on the flight from New York.
"Olive, you remind me of myself at your age: fantastic in every possible way, brimming with goodness and absent of any fault, and, aw shucks, I'll say it, the finest human being on the planet."
Sheesh. -- Scottie
I've been reading this strip for a while now and I don't recall Mary having any particular abilities or unusual talents. Muffin making and meddling really don't seem up to the standards of being able to read animals minds and being able to fortell potential disasters. Olive doesn't seem very perceptive when it comes to BS, does she?
I can only hope that I am as wise, perceptive, talented and well-dressed as Mary when I am the oldest human being on the planet. Hmmphh! Young folks today are so fresh.
Mary's interest in Olive is veering toward the increasingly weird and is giving me the heebie jeebies. Eeesh.
The guy who's piloting this balloon is certainly keeping his distance in a small space.
To save money, Mary has chosen the Go Fly Yourself Balloon Festival ticket. This is her opportunity to show off her and Olive’s extraordinary superhuman abilities. Go, Mary, go fly yourself! (I, as always, will continue to hope for the worst, er, best.)
Good point @KitKat. Looks like that guy decided to bail rather than ride with Mary. Olive hasn't noticed, has she? Maybe she's not as prescient as we have been led to believe.
“Here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into, Stanley!”
Perfect, @meg!
"But I wouldn't worry about it!" = famous last words.
Um… Stanley seems a tad blasé to me. I think I might be getting a bit worried considering he’s just gazing off into the east, seemingly without a care in the world, instead of rooting around in the basket for his barometer. Perhaps Stanley is a little, shall I say, troubled? This might be an excellent time, Mary, to muster up one of your mental health meddles.
Frequent longtime readers will recognize Ian Cameron’s near-doppelgänger cousin, Lachlan MacMurdoch, from The Case of the Missing Case of Auld Sheep Dip, which disappeared from Ian’s liquor locker on Hogmanay Eve, 1999. One can only hope these cases have nothing in common, but the cousin seems drunk. BWI.?
UH-OH!!!!!
Ha haaaa! Terrific comments, everyone!
"Excuse me, Mrs. Worth, but who's the captain of this balloon? That's right, I am. Now listen, the forecast in last week's Santa Royale Penny Saver said it would be clear today, okay? So who are you going to believe, them or your lying eyes? Besides, my horoscope said it's nothing to worry about. Alright, hold on now, I'm gonna take 'er up a little higher." -- Scottie
“She cannae take any more, Mrs. Worth…She’s gonna blow!”
Pink clouds at night,
Sailors delight.
Pink clouds at morn,
Sailors forlorn.
Pink clouds at noon,
Balloonist swoon.
Black edges abound,
All hit the ground.
I think Josh at Comics Curmudgeon said it best. Apparently, Olive's intuitive powers are limited to New York City-specific disasters.
Yeah, @ hmmmm; I agree. I didn't see the Comics Curmudgeon comments until after I had tried my hand.
Meanwhile, the wind has become gusty and the balloon is being rocked uncontrollably. Who could have known? What a surprise!
We know nothing bad will actually happen, although I guess Stanley could suffer some harm. Will Olive save him ? Maybe she's can control the weather. I can hardly wait!
"OOF!" "ARGH!"
Coming tomorrow: "$#&!%)!" -- Scottie
Wow, that's a Mary Worth face to remember! Yikes! -- Scottie
Olive and Mary should have tossed Stanley out when they had the chance. That would have lightened the basket enough to lift it up and over those trees.
I wonder what happened to the other balloons. If they get stuck in the tree tops, who will have to climb down?
Oh no, how could this have happened? Well, Stanley (spoken in a tone dripping with sarcasm), perhaps if you hadn’t frequented the Balloon Fest Pub with your cousin, and proceeded to get blootered out yer tree, we wouldn’t be in this tree.
Stanley: "Oh no... How could this have happened?"
Mary: "Oh, Stanley. Please don't blame yourself. No one would have expected you to read the weather forecast or to educate yourself in the piloting of a hot air balloon, or even to familiarize yourself with emergency measures before taking on as passengers, a child and an elderly woman, and then steering them out over a remote area, heavily populated by wolves and bears, and where there is absolutely no possibility of cell phone coverage."
Mary: "Oh, and by the way, do either of you have a pencil? Seeing that the chances of us being rescued are very slim, I'd like to leave a note for my friend, Dr. Jeff, in the remote chance that someday our bodies will be found. I'd like him to know that tonight would have been the night, tee hee."
Ol' Stanley isn't exactly the brightest bulb in the chandelier. -- Scottie
Well, this is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley. (yes, I'm old).
I wonder if they will realize that even if you don't have cell phone coverage, you can SOS with your phone? And also, you can be located by your phone signal. On the other hand, will the Santa Royale officials realize that they are missing? Maybe Mary's reputation will be so well known that they won't want to look for her. Too bad about Olive and Stanley, though.
If Wilbur could fall off a cruise ship and only lose a shoe, Mary and Olive will combine their powers to survive somehow, e.g., summoning a kind Sasquatch who will gently shake them from the tree and carry them to safety. The jury's still out on the befuddled Stanley, who might be one of those hapless minor characters who become collateral damage. The Santa Royale Balloon Festival must have very lax safety qualifications for balloons and their pilots. Did Mary sign a release for herself? How about for Olive, who's a minor, and for whom Mary has no custodial authority?
I must say, I'm impressed. Just when I thought this strip could not possibly get any more idiotic, KM somehow manages to make it so.
Camilla Parker Bowles, previously crouching on the floor to avoid paparazzi, pops up to note her concern:
“That’s not possible! Long live me! (The Queen).”
Check out her teeth. Just like CPB’s.
While Saul and Eve are out walking their dogs together, Max and Greta suddenly and simultaneously become agitated. They begin straining at their leashes in the direction of the ill-fated balloon. Eventually they both summon the strength to drag their owners behind them as they heed Olive's call. Thirty minutes later, on a remote mountain trail, Saul collapses. As an exhausted Eve tends to him, the dogs abandon them and continue on their mission. Eve rethinks her opinion that dogs are good. -- Scottie
Meanwhile, lily-livered Stanley suggests that "maybe one of us can climb down and go for help," while clearly meaning one of those two. He's every bit as brave and manly as he is smart. -- Scottie
Thanks @ Scottie, for the most logical prediction. I can't imagine how summoning Max and Greta will solve anything except killing off Saul and Eve.
@Scottie, you seem to be on the KM trail. Saul never removing that sport coat will contribute to his heat exhaustion.
Maybe Max and Greta have friends at the Santa Royale Canine Police Academy, and they'll drag Saul and Eve there so the pooches can sound the alarm: "Bark, Arf! BARK ARF! Awhoooo!!"
Santa Royale built a dog park on the edge of a forest. How convenient! And wildly unlikely.
@MissScarlet, that may explain why no one else is at Dog Park.
Notice that Mary hasn't closed her eyes and thought-bubbled, "Jeff...please hear me...we need help!"
"What is it, girl? What is it? Did Timmy fall down a well? . . . No? . . . Um, is Timmy trapped in quicksand? . . . No? . . . Um, well, I'm completely out of ideas!" -- Scottie
On Monday, September 29, 2025 at 01:33:17 PM EDT, mtrehub@aol.com wrote:
Sent from the all new AOL app for iOS
On Monday, September 29, 2025, 1:31 PM, mtrehub@aol.com wrote:
Ruh -Roh! Our supreme leaders are in trouble! What do we do? Hey Oli!
‘Turn left out of the dog park and trot 3.7 miles on Wild Barking Lane. Turn right on Charterstone Wilderness Road and race wildly to a stand of trees with a balloon stuck in it. Go past that balloon; it’s Wilbur Weston, and he has strong survivor skills. Then run to the next tree and yap mindlessly until Olive contacts the Rescue Rovers (mentally). Meanwhile, Mary Worth will sing the Aretha Franklin version of Rescue Me, and Stanley continues to bring up what he’s been drinking. Saul and Eve are collapsed by the roadside several miles back.
So the dogs have to drag the oldies into the forest to find the tree with a balloon in it (5 miles? 10?). Then someone has to run back for help. I
predict somebody (besides Stanley) is gonna fall dead.
Never mind, forget the oldies. Arf! Woof! Sure hope these leashes don't get snagged on anything.
It's amazing that Santa Royale was allowed to pave roads through a forest. I wonder why Olive, Mary and Stanley can't see any from their vantage point.
Saul and Eve are in a self-driving, no-seeing Buick. Expect them to crash into the correct tree and dislodge the stuck balloon on Sunday. (We'll never know who made the inane rabbit remark.)
That is quite a car, as @KitKat has pointed out. And hopefully, it is all wheel drive.
If we still had The Worthies, I think
"The vast, dense forest . . . GULP!"
would be a strong candidate for a Ridiculous Thought Balloon of the Year Award. -- Scottie
Saul: "Of all the forests in all the towns in all the world, they have to run into a forest with trees."
@Scottie, absolutely. Wanders delivered epic awards presentations. Thank you, Mr. W!
@hmmm, that's hilarious!
Is Saul tracking Greta and Max using his Codger Mind Meld?
I see that Saul and Eve have apparently purchased Mary’s Pepto-pink Oldsmobuick. Can’t wait to see what Mary is driving these days…
Stanley is hugely disappointed to see that Max doesn't have a small keg of brandy strapped around his neck. That flask he's been pulling on since this morning is almost empty! -- Scottie
I find myself wishing Moy could come up with an imaginative plotline that also could be believable. Seems like whenever we get a fun plotline the arc is ridiculously outlandish.
Meanwhile, Max and Greta have managed to loose their leashes. I wonder if the Santa Royale Forest Service has a leash law.
Bless me Mary, for I have sinned. I first erred in assuming that because they both have beards, Stanley and Ian were related, and that they were both Scotsmen. And that they both drank both on and off the job.
Extensive research has now shown me the error of my ways.
In no scene is Stanley shown having a wee drinkie. In no scene does Stanley utter anything like
“I’s fin to hurl in a balloon.” Nor does he hurl. There are no kilts worn (as far as as I can tell). No snide dirk references. no casual allusions to cabers. Therefore I can only conclude that Stanley is neither Scot. Nor a drinker. Nor has he been identified as male. Therefore, they (Stanley) is a teetotaler from California who drinks only Red Bull, and will acquit themself with dignity during the balloon rescue. Unless they fall on the dynamic duo and their dogs.
And, as Bobby Burns would say, “DON’T QUOTE ME, LASSIE!”
So the balloon crashed right next to the road that Saul and Eve are driving! How conveeeenient! -- Scottie
And how handy that the vast deep forest has roads wide enough to accommodate a shiny salmon-color firetruck (Santa Royale’s theme colors are salmon and aqua).
Convenient, yes. Wide enough for a fire truck, check. But no valet parking? I don't think so. In any case, Saul is going to have to turn back once he remembers that he forgot to put his Hoveround in the trunk.
OK, so a road has magically appeared right next to the balloon. So now what? We are to believe that Saul and Eve get to them before anyone else? And will Saul and Eve's phones magically work? Or will they have to turn around and go find help. Good luck catching the dogs because they still don't have any leads.
BTW, what happened to the unexpected and freakish storm?
@MissScarlett -- The storm, seeing Stanley having a cow in the treetop, laughed heartily and then moved on, saying "My work here is done." -- Scottie
…put his Hoveround in the trunk? Is that how he
refers to his wife?? Or do all the hip codgers use cool lingo like that?
"...and you, sir, you incompetent doofus..."
What a relief -- the dogs will keep them company. Happy days are here again!
Ah-ha! Once again, Mary has saved the day! Her quick thinking has alerted their rescuers to their exact location! Otherwise, I hate to think how long it would have taken Saul and Eve to look up in the tree!
p.s. Good morning, jerrybear, aka KitKat!
Saul has a heart attack while driving and both he and Eve bite the dust. Meanwhile, help doesn't come for days and Mary ends up eating Stanley.
A month after their rescue, an investigation by the Santa Royale City Council results in Olive being put on trial for witchcraft. -- Scottie
Oh dear. Two of the three rescue workers obviously recognized Mary and have decided to leave her there. The third hesitates only because that's his Uncle Stanley. His hesitation is due to the fact that Uncle Stanley once promised to bequeath him his 1965 Shelby should an unfortunate balloon accident happen.
Later in the evening, back at Mary’s place:
“Whatever you do, Olive, you must never mention this adventure to your parents.”
Olive’s thought balloon:”As if!”
It's like the captain going down with the ship, right? Uh oh....
I wonder why Santa Royale painted their emergency vehicles brown. Were they trying to get them to blend into the forest?
As the rescue workers continue to mill about the truck playing Candy Crush on their phones, Mary and Stanley have decided that it's perfectly appropriate to put this rescue operation into the hands of a 14-year-old child. Oh well. Maybe if those unpredictable high winds show up again, the balloon will blow Olive all the way to NY and Mary can save some money on airfare.
Stanley is going to bail on a 14-year-old girl? What a dirtbag! -- Scottie
I'm kinda liking Mary's new softer, windblown look.
And @ Scottie and hmmm: too right. Somethings gonna happen! Maybe Olive will get to Oz after all. She'd fit right in. Maybe she'll learn to live in the tree canopy forever more. Maybe she'll disappear! Or, in true Moy form, nothing will happen.
Later that evening: Stanley relaxes in his La-Z-Boy, sipping a cup of Hadacol, listening to conelrad, and leafing through a favorite old album, “Sunny and Windy, the Balloonatics”, which detailed the marvelous previous career of Stanley and his late wife, Sally. Sally was known as Sunny, because of her sunny disposition. Stanley…. well, yes, he was and is, windy.
Then, he thinks to himself, “That Mary Worth is one fine-looking old woman. I wonder if she would go out to dinner, er..lunch, er..a cup of coffee, er..a walk with me? Can’t hurt to ask…Wonder how old she is…? I know, I’ll ask her who the first president she ever voted for was! “ (Mary: James M Cox, of course, just as soon as we ladies got the vote!)
Headlines from that week’s Santa Royale Whig Democrat:
Elderly Physician Punches Out Elderly Balloonatic in Clash over Favors of Ancient Woman
Stanley decides to move to the Villages in Florida where elderly widows with money and loose morals await.
Buh-bye, Stan!
-
Sent from the all new AOL app for iOS
On Tuesday, October 7, 2025, 7:22 PM, mtrehub@aol.com wrote:
Later that evening: Stanley relaxes in his La-Z-Boy, sipping a cup of Hadacol, listening to conelrad, and leafing through a favorite old album, “Sunny and Windy, the Balloonatics”, which detailed the marvelous previous career of Stanley and his late wife, Sally. Sally was known as Sunny, because of her sunny disposition. Stanley…. well, yes, he was and is, windy.
Then, he thinks to himself, “That Mary Worth is one fine-looking old woman. I wonder if she would go out to dinner, er..lunch, er..a cup of coffee, er..a walk with me? Can’t hurt to ask…Wonder how old she is…? I know, I’ll ask her who the first president she ever voted for was! “ (Mary: James M Cox, of course, just as soon as we ladies got the vote!)
Headlines from that week’s Santa Royale Whig Democrat:
Elderly Physician Punches Out Elderly Balloonatic in Clash over Favors of Ancient Woman
Stanley decides to move to the Villages in Florida where elderly widows with money and loose morals await.
Buh-bye, Stan!
-
Mr. firefighter must have overheard the plan to leave Olive in the tree. But that stretcher is hardly long enough to hold a toddler, never mind a 14-year-old. And why a stretcher? Wouldn't it be more likely they'd use that bucket thing that tree cutters and electrical workers use? In any case, no rescue worker on the planet is going to take two old codgers down and leave a kid up there by herself.
Terrific comments, everyone! You are firing on all cylinders! (@hmmm, it warms my heart that you spotted the errant Jerrybear post and recognized me. You are more observant than me, har har.)
On to today: "Congratulations, Stanley, as you go down in history as the first pilot to crash a balloon in a Santa Royale Balloon Festival! Hope you find a good lawyer -- you sure need one."
Observations: 1. The Santa Royale Fire Department employs only men and uses dog-bed mattresses as rescue equipment. 2. Does anyone else think the balloon and gondola look like a wacky primitive statue from a 1950s Grade D movie? Even Ed Wood would chortle.
Big thanks to all! Mr. Scarlett is wondering what the heck I'm laughing at.
Shouldn't Stanley say: "....never had a crash before" ? Seems to me that they have definitely already crashed.
I wan't wait to see Mary being lifted down in the crate.
I concur with KitKat. Good stuff, all!
The transfer of Mary's 250 lbs. destabilizes the gondola, the tree, and the rescue crane. What happens next is not pretty. -- Scottie
Scottie was right! It's not a pretty scene, folks; not pretty at all! Thankfully, the camera has quickly swept away to focus on the dogs. Don't worry. No one fell out of the gondola. Actually, it's worse. Stanley's pants ripped and Mary lost her dentures.
What, we're cheated of seeing Mary, Olive, and Stanley being extricated from the tree? How could KM cheat June of this opportunity? Those illustrations would've been worthy of a Worthy Award, if the Worthy Awards hadn't been retired with Wanders, as @Scottie mentioned recently.
Tomorrow: Mary, Olive, Eve, Saul, Max, and Greta pile into the car and drive off, leaving Stanley weakly muttering under the tree.
Firefighter: "We've got two more."
Well, isn't he the observant one?
Hitler only had one.
Don't give up. Moy has two more chances to disappoint us.
"Okay, let's hit the road."
"But shouldn't we wait for the other two?"
"Mary, I haven't been to a bathroom in over an hour. We gotta go!" -- Scottie
Mary's "Hmm" translates to "Tomorrow I'll smile at Olive, give her a quick hug, then start my victory lap, which will last all week. After all, I'm the one who mentors Olive and her supernatural powers! I also have to call the Santa Royale Balloon Fest manager to complain about that idiot Stanley. What a dumb doofus!"
The depiction of behavior in this story, as in just about every story, gets lamer and lamer. One might think that Mary would be very concerned about seeing that Stanley and especially Olive are being brought down safely -- or at least somewhat interested. Or mildly curious. But evidently, one would be wrong. She's safe and that's all she cares about. -- Scottie
Oh, I almost forgot, dogs are good.
ALL: Half-hearted fake laugh.
CUT!
FREEZE, SUPERIMPOSE "THE END," AND ROLL CREDITS.
So when will occur to Mary that the only time scary, dangerous, life-threatening episodes happen is when Olive is around?
Mary has obviously never seen “The Bad Seed”.
Diner sure is fancy. Looks almost like a movie theater. Too bad their bread went bad.
Mary found a diner that serves its sandwiches on ultra-dark pumpernickel polymer foam - mmm, chewy! Olive's chomping away, but Mary hasn't even removed the cellophane-frilled toothpick from her unusual club sandwich. Maybe Mary's learning something from this experience.
"Mutual love successfully carried my distress call to [Max and Greta]!"??!! Egad. I guess this means that the Tee-Hee Twosome, Evy and Ed, have no idea their daughter was in a balloon crash - not much mutual love there. It's mid October; is Olive ever returning to school? Or is Mary going to home school her?
"Mutual love" ?? She spent all of 5 minutes with those dogs. 'Mutual like' -sure. I'm sure Greta would like Saul to give her more treats. Olive should pass that bit on ASAP.
@KitKat: too right. Olive has been out of school a long time. But I think muffin making interferes with home schooling. Maybe Mary could ask Dawn to help out? (shudder).
Normal people would at least lift an eyebrow or look askance while listening to Olive's explanation. Only Mary would launch a discourse on mental telepathy and being "awakened." Hoo boy....
I call BS. All creatures do not have this ability. Especially Mary.
I've been calling for help in my mind with every vital organ I've got along with a couple of non-vital ones, but this story just keeps slogging on. And it's gotten way more weird than even the fish funeral. Please, Karen. Make. It. Stop. -- Scottie
(Is this her way of making us beg for more Wilbur? If it is, I'm starting to crack.)
More Wilbur?!! Never!!
Moyzone Alert! She's stuck. stuck. stuck.
OLIVE: "If everyone can do what I did, Mary, maybe they just have to TRY!"
MARY: "You could be right, dear. We sometimes forget that what seems impossible is often possible with LOVE!"
EVERYONE ELSE WITHIN EARSHOT: [sounds of projectile puking]
-- Scottie
Well, here we go. I could handle a Toby story right now. How about Doctor whats-his-name becomes a grandfather and loses all interest in Mary? That would be fun!!
Just when I expected Mary to offer to take custody of Olive on the grounds that she is far more qualified to mentor Olive and her special powers, we're whisked to the airport for the Big Goodbye. Ed and Edy might've given serious thought to that; they often seem bewildered by Olive.
If the next "plot" (a too-grand description for KM's writing) involves either or both Westons, I'll join in the projectile puking that @Scottie mentioned.
Who hugs like that? Posing for a picture perhaps? Olive doesn't seem to have a selfie stick, however. Are they in a movie and we missed it. Does Brigman not know how to show people hugging?
I agree @ KitKat and Scottie: no Westons!
Ah, the Santa Royale Airport (SRO), where passengers fly standing while strapped to the fuselage in the back of a cargo plane for their 20-minute flight to the real airport in L.A. -- Scottie
I wonder if Mary's 'victory lap' will go on all week. I'm ready to concede now: Olive is good.
Who would have predicted, except all of us, that we would get a week of Mary's victory lap (1) on Jeff's outrageous yacht and (2) at the Bum Boat. By Thursday, Jeff will be glassy eyed as his favorite girl drones on about Olive and her remarkable powers, Greta's love for Max and Greta, blah blah blah....
Jeff: So a tree was about to fall on you, and Olive pushed you out of the way?
Mary: Yes.
Jeff: And an air conditioner was plummeting down from the top of the Plaza Hotel, and Olive pulled you away just in time?l
Mary: Yes.
Jeff: How about the angry dog that tried to attack you? Did Olive save you?
Mary: Well, yes…
Jeff: And when Olive’s frenemy Vicki was drowning, did Olive rush to save her?
Mary: Yeah, so what?
Jeff: What about the balloon disaster? Did Olive the dog whisperer save the day??
Mary: Yes, you’re right as always, big man!
Jeff: The girl is a freakin’ jinx, Mary! Try to find a friend your own age ( snicker, snicker).
Mary: Easy for you to say, Sonny!
Trying to escape from not signed in. Olive, where are you when I need you? Meg
Thanks, girlfriend! All is forgiven.
@meg, thanks for the big laughs!
"Your little friend"? Olive's 14, not 2, Jeff. Don't pretend to be interested in Olive to try to get cozy with Mary. You won't even foul off a pitch, let alone make it to third base.
Would it be too much to hope for a ship wreck? But don't hit the dolphins!
@MissScarlet, If there's no shipwreck, we can hope for a norovirus outbreak at the Bum Boat.
Boy, the S.S. Platitude is riding low in the water today. -- Scottie
Oh yes! Normal and everyday! I always sense falling air conditioners and I talk to my dogs all the time. They never answer me though.
Jeez, Jeff is skating on thin ice by asking "Did that really happen, Mary?" but he immediately falls into line. Next time, his boldness might end up with a push overboard.
So basically, they are both admitting to being prime targets for con artists.
So Jeff , trying vainly to make time with Mary, takes his hand off the wheel of Mega Boat to put an arm around Mary. Risky, kids, and Olive isn't there to save you now!
@LouiseF -- Back in New York, Olive's Meddlesense picks up a distress vibe from Mary, who becomes uneasy when Jeff's left hand casually moves from the helm to her waist. Olive alerts Max and Greta, who suddenly bolt from their evening constitutional and drag Saul and Eve into Santa Royale Bay.
There were no survivors.
-- Scottie
Victims were identified by their necktie colors.
Jeff Cory has accidentally driven away in Jeff Bezos’ boat.
Gadzooks, the good ship Ostentatious Doc is listing to port alarmingly. Get your hand off Mary and on the wheel, Jeff. Speaking of which, Jeff's hand looks like Thing. June is in the Halloween spirit.
Sheesh, this conversation is so boring that even the rear two portholes are trying to get away from it. -- Scottie
Love the reference to Jeff Bezos' boat, meg. Jeff (Dr. Cory, not Bezos)' left hand has definitely been in some strange places this week.JB seems to be experimenting with illustrating Jeff's need to put his hands on Mary, who is so addled by cliches, she stands in his embrace.
Jeff's boat looks big enough to sleep a dozen people (doesn't have two helopads, though, like Bezos'). It's a shame that no one else is ever on it....well, one time there was Wilbur and a dead fish. Not sure that even counts.
Please let this be the end of Mary's congratulatory remarks. I'm done.
@MissScarlett, Mary and Jeff were just served their dinners, so I fear we're facing another week of self-congratulatory blah blah blah. It's Halloween week at the Bum Boat, with a menacing purple server (even his/her/its hands!) serving purple food on purple dishes with a purple napkin. Purple salmon for Mary and purple surf and turf for Jeff? Jeff may be cutting back on his booze consumption - that looks like a mini bottle of beer. A Little Kings Cream Ale?
Too right @ KitKat. Purple everywhere (did Harold color this strip?) except Mary's wine, which is blue.
Mary is trying to give us a little back story here, but I'm not buying it. When we first meet her she selling apples on the street during the Depression. Just how sensitive are we supposed to believe she was/is?
Such a weird thing for Jeff to say... Maybe he's glad Mary is friends with Olive, because it takes the pressure off of him. I don't think Jeff was a sensitive child, and that boat sure looks like he's compensating for something...
"Your teaching days"??!! Huh? I thought Mary was an independently wealthy widow who's meddled her way through life with nary a worry about maintaining her lifestyle.
"And you're one of the reasons for that happiness!"
"The answer's still No, Jeff."
"Damn!"
-- Scottie
Teaching!! Teaching!! I call #$%^&.
Looking it up I found this:
Yes, the comic strip character Mary Worth was a teacher. When Karen Moy took over the writing of the strip in 2003, she updated Mary Worth's backstory, establishing her as a former teacher.
Key details of her background include:
She is in her sixties and is the widow of a Wall Street tycoon.
Originally from Ohio, she later moved from New York to a condominium in the fictional town of Santa Royale, California.
In her current life, Mary Worth is often portrayed giving informal advice to her neighbors and other people she meets.
Looks like Moy decided Mary was someone else entirely.
@MissScarlet, many thanks for investigating Mary's revised bio a la KM. If Mary was in her 60s in 2003, she's pushing 90 now, unless KM decided to freeze her.
At the rate Mary and Jeff are consuming tiny bites of pie with those miniature forks, the boardwalk stroll will start at 11 p.m.
@KitKat: Mary looks great for 93! Of course, she does need to power drink two cups of coffee to stroll on the boardwalk.
Mary and Jeff's relationship is both familiar and comforting too, just like a beat-up, ratty old sweater from 1961.
"I SO prefer 'familiar and comforting' dinners at the Bum Boat as opposed to hanging upside down in a tree from a crashed hot air balloon with an ESP-spouting teenager and an incompetent balloon pilot."
I can’t think of anything to say, so I will go into solution-search mode until I find something!
We have confidence in you, @meg! Maybe you can include a tie-in to Halloween.
If Jeff can swallow "Max and Greta were telepathically summoned by Olive," it's clear that he has no pride remaining whatsoever.
Miss Scarlett, Kit Kat, LouiseF, and meg -- Ha haaa, excellent comments, y'all! Moy has just about bored the snark right out of me, but you four are still going strong! -- Scottie
If I didn't know about KM's fondness for Rod Serling (She graduated from the Binghamton, NY campus that memorializes him in his hometown.), Mary's comment about Olive telepathically summoning the dogs might seem odd. But no. It serves to make Mary more interesting than I might expect of a typical soap opera character. Or maybe she bumped her head in that balloon crash...
I want to see Olive use mind control at school to get the last piece of pizza in the cafeteria.
Jeff's correct about desperate times calling for desperate measures. That's why except for the mysterious purple server, no one else was at the Bum Boat, no other watercraft were within sight of Jeff's ridiculous yacht, and no one else is strolling on the boardwalk. All other humans sensed the presence of Mary and Jeff and fled. Telepathy may have been involved.
Enjoy the moment, Jeff. This is as close to crashing waves as you are ever going to get. -- Scottie
Scottie!
Been away for a couple of days, but it looks like I didn't miss much. I must say, however, that Jeff is looking quite swole. We never see him working out but he must be doing something to get those arms. Meanwhile, Brigman still hasn't figured out how people actually hug.
Testing from the Anonymous formerly known as Meg…
When Mary starts a sentence with "It's been said..." it's time to turn off your mobile device or recycle your newspaper.
Note that Mary's wearing her light-up earrings tonight. That's because this pier is so dark and dangerous, no one other than Mary and Jeff would set foot on it. (Mary's looking exceptionally scary in p. 4 - very Borg-like, as in The Borg, not Bjorn Borg.)
Toby talking to a pack of sunflower seeds is way better than Wilbur talking to a hamburger, so thanks, KM. There hasn't been a Toby plot in years.
Toby's immense love for her sunflower seeds opens up a channel for them to telepathically send her a booze alert. The last time he sat on that bench, Wilbur was so hammered, he dropped his bottle of gin and it rolled into the brush at the base of that tree.
"Oh, hello, little sunflower seeds! Mary's snooping around the hospital and Ian is supposedly at a [air quotes] teachers conference. So it's just you and me. And soon it will be just me, BWWAAAHHHAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAA!" -- Scottie
Oh my, what could possibly happen?
Toby gets mugged.
Toby has a heart attack.
Toby inhales a sunflower seed and chokes to death.
Toby has a sudden allergy to sunflower seeds.
Toby get depressed because she's all alone.
Of course, none of those things will happen. And in reality, Toby is already hammered and barely made it to the bench.
@MissScarlett -- Toby is struck by a crashing hot-air balloon. Stanley is having a rough week. -- Scottie
Well. I’m hoping the sky turns dark from the clustering of thousands of birds, and CAW CAW CAW, down goes Toby. And Toby, FYI, what Mary calls ‘volunteer work’ is actually her pushing a cart of books around the hospital, spreading and collecting gossip as she goes. And, oh yeah, what Ian describes as a ‘teacher’s conference’- in Las Vegas, of all places, is actually an academic bacchanal where adjunct professors and grad students are actually ===CENSORED=== and ===CENSORED=== while wearing academic gowns.
A FEW MORE WEEKS??? Hate to break it to you, Toby, but there ain't no teachers conference goes on that long.
But it might not matter, since it looks like she's about to be attacked by the rare killer parrot. -- Scottie
@Scottie; too right. Toby is even dumber than I thought to fall for that humbug.
Meanwhile, it is true that Santa Royale/Barbara has flocks of wild parrots. We have even more where I live further south in California. No one really knows where they came from but the prevailing theory is from a pet store in Pasadena that caught fire, but the parrots got out in time. They thrive in SoCa because of the mild weather and plentiful fruit trees. I can count on a flock hitting the next door neighbors persimmon tree every Thanksgiving.
Nice going, Scottie. You've made me laugh out loud two days in a row. Trifecta?
Excellent comments everyone! There's nothing like a spaced-out Toby talking to a pack of sunflower seeds and a pushy parrot to inspire a snark-a-rama!
Tomorrow: "Oh parrot, I'm an artist! Would you like to come to my studio and pose for me? I have more sunflower seeds, plus more vodka for me."
It's probably worth pointing out that these parrots are perfectly capable of snapping off a finger. They are not usually friendly, but I did have a friend with a pet parrot and that bird took a semi-precious gem right out of an earring - in a flash!
@hmmm -- Hey, thanks very much. Unfortunately, I got nuttin' today. I cracked under the pressure. -- Scottie
Ian:(if he ever comes back from the world’s longest conference):
“Wut the bluidy hell is thon damn bird doin in ma kitchen? Are ye mad, woman?”
And of course the parrot is articulate and helpfully says "Chirp!", just like Greta and Max when they're trying to fool humans. Since Olive isn't there to interpret parrot language, I don't know what the hungry parrot is after, but sunflowerr seeds look like an appetizer, to be followed by the entree of Toby's eyes...
"Sunny"? Why not "Seedy"?
Well, this has certainly been an enthralling week. It would have been much more interesting if we were given a look at Ian and his colleagues cavorting on their teachers conference tour of Asian brothels and opium dens. -- Scottie
@KitKat -- Seedy! Ha haaa, very good!
Good job, Toby. The bird will likely choke on the plastic bag as it tries to get the seeds out. She COULD have spilled them on the bench to make it easier, but no. Now she'll have to make a clay bird in tribute to the parrot...
When I eat sunflower seeds I spit out the shell. Most parrots I've observed do the same. But Toby and Sunny seem to be very neat eaters.
Actually, I'm beginning to think that Toby 'started' early this morning and there is no actual parrot.
@Scottie, I'm with you, hahaha! That would explain the three-week "teachers' conference."
Coming soon: Toby gets cited for littering.
So, this parrot is obviously someone's pet. Toby will 'adopt' the bird, but eventually the real owner will find out. Will Toby post a notice? Will Toby fall in love with the real owner? Will Toby have an affair?
Probably not.
So apparently Olive asked Seedy Sunny to look in on Toby while Ian's away. Parrots are good. -- Scottie
Why don't the Camerons have window screens?
Good point, @Scottie. Olive intuited that Toby was lonely and telepathically contacted the parrot. By the time Ian returns, Toby will have learned to say, "Toby wants a cracker!"
Too bad about Toby's shirt. And carpet. And table. And couch. And....
"I'll have another vodka tonic!" [giggle]
"I'll have another vodka tonic!" [giggle]
Once again we have stepped into the Moyzone. Clairvoyant teenagers and talking birds are all perfectly normal and daily occurrences. You know, Scottie may be on to something. Maybe Olive is using Sunny to keep an eye on Toby. Unfortunately, unless that bird is really strong and/or fast, she won't be able to keep Toby in line.
I think the number of comments speaks to the level of interest this new story has generated. See you guys in the spring. Maybe.
Tomorrow Toby wakes up on the park bench and realizes it was all a dream. Then she vows to go to AA.
@hmmm, bingo. Our Worthiverse friends are staying away in droves. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that @meg will put more hilarious words in Chinbeard's mouth when he returns from the "teachers' conference" to find out a parrot has been installed in the spare room and Toby has spent $1,374.43 on the vet (Dr. Ed Harding?), the pet shop, and miscellaneous decor.
Toby’s doorbell:’Auld Lang Syne” (Rod Stewart version)
Toby: Who is it?
Voice: It’s me, your neighbor Wilbur Weston!
Toby (under her breath): Oh, no, it’s that boorish bore, Wilbur!
Wilbur enters.
Sunny: Squawk! Oh, no! It’s the bore Wilbur!
Wilbur: Nice parrot, Toby! Polly want a cracker, ha ha?
Sunny: Cracker, ha ha!
Wilbur: I love animals. Could I take your bird for a walk?
Toby: Sure, Wilbur, I need to wipe down my kitchen counters. Here’s Sunny’s leash.
Wilbur leaves with the bird perched on his new toupee. He walks directly to Charterstone Pub, orders and drinks a couple of brandies.
Bartender: Where’d you get the pig?
Wilbur: Thash not a pig! Thash a parrot!
Bartender: I was talking to the parrot.
Thank you @ Meg. That was delightful!
Toby's door bell rings (sure, Rod Stewart it is).
Toby: Yes?
Strange: Lady, that's my parrot! What are you trying to pull here?
Toby: She followed me home! Honest!
Oh, meg, my laugh muscles are sore!
"Where did you get the pig?" Classic. -- Scottie
P.S. KitKat, thanks for the prompt. And you're pretty funny yourself!
I must confess: I remembered that pig joke from someone on the Tonight Show with Steve Allen many decades ago. I’ll try to do better.
Oh happy day, @meg has ridden to our rescue! Thank you! That may be a vintage joke but it was new to me. Picturing Wilbur with Sunny on his pate and him being the butt of the joke is the icing on the cake, or the greasy sauce on the Woody's BBQ. BTW, I appreciate your comment, @Scottie.
Good golly, Toby has fallen for Sunny in a big way. Troubling....
KitKat: Ever hear of Leda and the Swan? (Hope you’re not monitoring this content, Wanders.)
I never thought Moy would stoop to bird molestation.
@meg, I sure have! I recall some racy classical artworks, too.
Is this dreck going anywhere, or is it just a week of filler while Moy tries to think of something even dumber?
If it's going somewhere, where could that somewhere be?
• Mary is shocked by all the apartment damage and tells the condo board. The board initiates eviction proceedings. Drama ensues. Toby plots revenge.
• Dr. Ed Harding becomes famous when his report in a veterinary journal of a parrot with an I.Q. of 160 goes viral. He dumps Estelle for a hot Hartz Mountain sales rep.
• Ian staggers home and undergoes a sudden air attack. He fights back and wrings the parrot's neck. Jeff refuses to hold a parrot funeral on his aircraft carrier.
-- Scottie
Great ideas @Scottie! Although, I don't really want to see Ian kill the parrot.
I'm still of the opinion that Toby will wake up and it will all have been a dream.
Interesting that she seems not to have given any thought to advertising that she found a parrot. Guess she figures 'finders keepers'.
Well well, Dr. Ed is still practicing veterinary medicine. I wonder if Estelle is still "volunteering" at the front desk.
So Sunny is male, which might trigger extra tension between he and Chinbeard (if we're lucky).
Now that Toby knows that Sunny is an Amazon parrot, they should watch Amazon Prime together.
Oh, fauxprof, where are you? In dire needy of some classy wit on this board. Are you working on one of your fabulous Christmas carols?
Ian who?
About this time Mary should see Toby and walk over with a flyer she picked up at Food Store advertising a missing parrot.
A cage??? Oh yeah, Tobes, most definitely try to put him in a cage.
You might hear more of his vocabulary than you wanted to. -- Scottie
Aha, it looks like Toby will spend at least $1,374.43 at We [heart] Pets alone.
“Parrot Ruffles Feathers by Showing Up at Seoul Cafe” https://www.koreatimes.co.kr/amp/southkorea/environment-animals/20251118/parrot-ruffles-feathers-by-showing-up-uninvited-at-seoul-cafe
Hi, gang, fauxprof reporting back in. I cancelled my WaPo subscription, and didn’t realize what I’d been missing until KitKat IM’d me today. So I ponied up for Comics Kingdom, and got caught up.
Do parrots say “chirp”? I thought it was squawk.
Not to contravene so eminent an authority as Sir David Attenborough, Not everybody likes birds. I’m terrified of them. Except for penguins. I love penguins. Therefore, penguins are not birds.
Finally, Toby is more excited about Sunny than she is about vodka. Ian isn’t even in the running.
I’ll be back, I promise! - fauxprof
Thank you @ KitKat for the delightful article about the Korean, coffee-drinking parrot. And thank heavens fauxprof is back. You have been missed!
Fun fact: my son has a pet canary who likes to fly around the apartment occasionally, and always independently returns to his cage.
Fun fact #2: birds have no control over their 'bodily functions'. Will Toby ever learn about this? Will Moy?
Hurrah for the return of fauxprof! I was afraid you had defected to Judge Parker, or perhaps hunkered down in Wandersville. You’ll be relieved to know that you haven’t missed anything important in the Worthiverse, and you have avoided a lengthy encounter with the clairvoyant Olive, who can talk to the animals. But I digress.
fauxprof, glad to see you back again! I was afraid you might be on one of those extended fauxteachers conferences.
meg is right, of course. Your respite spared you the absurdity of Stanley, the balloon, and Olive on the branch.
But we're gonna need you for the upcoming Ian vs. The Parrot steel cage match! -- Scottie
Welcome back @fauxprof - you have been missed! And you're in time for the scene of Mary's Thanksgiving table, with all her sycophants, er, friends, gathered around. I wonder if Ian will return from the "teachers' conference" in time. I sure hope so; I'm picturing Sunny clinging to Ian's beard and yanking whiskers out one by one. That should prompt some colorful language from both of them.
Hi, fauxprof here. I see Mary’s baking skills have not evolved, and she is now producing gray muffins instead of raw ones. Too many blueberries? Toxic mold? Is she about to kill Toby’s parrot the same way she did Saul Wynter’s original little dog? - fauxprof
Toby leads such a full, creative, varied life: Watching TV with a parrot! Having her 117-year-old best friend (apparently her only friend) delivering disgusting baked goods as a pretense for snooping! Maybe she should launch her own YouTube show.
Mary takes too long to get into the apartment and the bird flies out the door. Wonder if Pet Store will take back all the stuff Toby bought.
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