Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the fourth Annual Worthy Awards. Santa Royale's elite (you), have gathered together to shower accolades on the 2011 outstanding achievements in the genius comic strip, "Mary Worth."
But first, what glamorous awards ceremony would be complete without a spectacular opening number! Here's a MW&M favorite:
Thank you Mr. Trololo, and now, to start things off, we take a moment to bestow the coveted Aldo Kelrast Memorial Award upon a Mary Worth character who left us for the great Pool Party in the Sky during 2011. This year's outstanding achievement in dying goes to:
MAMA BARONI!
Congratulations on being the perfect cross to bear!
And now, on with the show!
Your votes have been counted. Over 17 votes were cast! A new record. Who knew Mary Worth had so many fans?
OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN
The nominees are:
LOCKET MAN
WHAT IN BLUE BLAZES ATHLETIC GEAR
AMOEBA SHIRT
SANTA ROYALE MESSENGER SERVICE
And the winner is:
LOCKET MANThis year's winner plans to use his prize money (a $400 gift card from Marcy's) to buy himself some more cool jewelry.
Our next category is
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A GUEST CHARACTER:
Each year, Mary Worth meddles in the lives of Santa Royale's citizenry, and then we never see them again. This year's nominees may be lost to us for all time, but their performances will live in our hearts forever. And the nominees are:
COACH HAMFIST
LIZA COLBY
YOUNG BOBBY BLACK
GINA THE WAITRESS
And the winner is:
LIZA COLBY
This only goes to show what we already knew: Mary Worth fans LOVE stalkers! Liza Colby is working on a sales degree at Local University, and, ironically, busing tables at the cafeteria.
And now...
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY AN ESTABLISHED CHARACTER
The nominees are:
DAWN WESTON
MARY WORTH
WILBUR WESTON
DR. DREW CARY, M.D.
And the Worthy Award goes to:
WILBUR WESTON
This is Wilbur Weston's second Worthy Award. He won last year for his performance frolicking with his wanna-be son. Wilbur is turning into a regular Tom Hanks. Will he three-peat next year?
And now:
OUTSTANDING PANEL IN 2011
The nominees are:
DREW'S WORKOUT
THE DOCTOR WITH TWO HEADS
NO REFLECTION ON DAWN
HOW YOUNG PEOPLE ARE DRAWN
And the winner is:
THE DOCTOR WITH TWO HEADS
I think this one was pretty much a guaranteed award winner from the moment it first appeared on May 28.
And now, the 2011 Story of the Year:
DAWN GETS TWITTERPATED
NOT FATAL ENOUGH ATTRACTION
THE LIST
HAPPY IS THE ONLY WAY THEY KNOW TO BE
And the winner is:
NOT FATAL ENOUGH ATTRACTION
Once again, stalkers rule on Mary Worth!
Well, 2011 was as a wonderful year in Mary Worth. And she certainly has gotten 2012 off to a good start by rescuing Emily Smith of Goleta.
And let me offer just my personal thanks to all of you, Dear Readers, who devote so much time and insight to this blog! Without you, I would just be another closeted Mary Worth fan wondering what in the world is wrong with me. But at least I know that I am not alone.
Happy New Year to each of you!
This year's awards ceremony has been brought to you by the following sponsors:
Men's Workout
Apple Computer
Experion
Equifax
Transunion
Hilton Hotels
Twitter
Amazon's Kindle
The Four Seasons
If anything, 2011 was the year of product placement.
And what about the woman in the miniskirt and go-go boots? She's totally coming on to Mr. Blue Slacks. And that palm tree! It's totally coming on to that boy palm tree. And the bunt cake is coming on to the plate of cookies! Not to mention Toby in her booty shorts... in fact, the only person who does not seem to be coming on to anything is Nola Wolvenson.
