Mary Worth 2508

"Dear confused, remind me again why two employers are interested in hiring you? Is it because of your analytical skills? Your decisiveness? Or is it because you expect 'Ask Wendy' to solve your problems for you?"

Mary Worth 2507

Pros:

1. Michael Jordan
2. LeBron James
3. Tiger Woods
4. Kobe Bryant
5. Serena Williams

Cons:

1. Charles Ponzi
2. Bernie Madoff
3.  Joseph Weil
4. Soapy Smith
5. Donald Trump

Well, that didn't help at all.

Mary Worth 2506

"But, Zak, I already have Mr. Beedie's tattoo on my left butt cheek, and Mr. Weston's tattoo on my right butt cheek. I only have two butt cheeks."

Mary Worth 2505

"I want to tell you my last name."

Mary Worth 2504

"I'm also not dumb. I know who you were quoting. My point is, I'm not a kid. Geez, you're just like my mom, always treating me like a child. Is it because I over compensate for my immaturity by constantly nurturing my pathetic perma-stubble? Is it because my eye color hasn't stabilized yet? It's called iris-variosis, okay? I know that, yes, most boys' eye color is determined by the time they're ten years old... I'm just a late bloomer. But I assure you, I lost all my baby teeth years ago."

Mary Worth 2503

"See, Harlan? This is why I don't date. Thanks for driving me home after our Not-A-Date night out together. Would you like to come in and do yoga?"

Mary Worth 2502

It's kind of like she has to choose between two jobs! One job is fun and exciting, with a business degree that promises a life of security, and is young enough to be around for a good long time. The other is boring, sullen, over weight and over the hill, with a relatively short lifespan, and writes for a low paying, small-market weekly newspaper. Which job to choose? Which job to choose? It's time to Ask Wendy.

Mary Worth 2501

Since neither of them are responding to any of Wilbur's emails, his feelings will be spared.

Mary Worth 2500

"Oh, hiiii, Dawn... I'm here with a classmate. Who are you here with?"

Mary Worth 2499

"And, Dawn, I'm going to mix the drinks myself because I've been studying mixology. I've invented several new drinks this week alone. Also, do you like my shirt? I designed and sewed it myself because I've been taking a class in fashion design. Next semester, I plan to teach it."

Mary Worth 2498

"Also, you might want to send a vague letter to an advice columnist. I'm sure she'd have a lot of great suggestions."

Mary Worth 2497

My List:

First Job:

Pros: 

• Pays Well
• Long Term Stability

Cons:

• Dull

Second Job:

Pros:

•  Exciting Work
• I can learn and grow

Cons:

•  May not be long term

Wow, Wendy, making a list was a great idea and really helped. Thank you so much!

Mary Worth 2496

Wasn't the last Ask Wendy letter about taking on a new job after twenty years? And now she has two jobs to choose from? This new economy is really great for our Ask Wendy reader. But if that letter is supposed to be a metaphor for Iris trying to decide between watching an overweight, third-rate journalist for the local weekly type away in an abandoned Antarctic science station, or dancing the night away with a hot MBA student with biceps the size of Buicks, I'm not really seeing a lot of indecision in Iris's body language right now. I really think the letter is just a convenient way to cut away so we don't have to watch Zak dance.

Mary Worth 2495

Maybe if Zak builds her a cake, or something, Iris will agree to go to the dance with him. He's pretty much the second best dancer in the whole school.

Mary Worth 2494

Yesterday when Zak said he had an activity in mind that Iris MIGHT like, when it comes to bowling, "might" was a very important word in that sentence. Bowling is a declining sport in the U.S., and California has the third lowest number of bowling alleys per capita in the nation, making it seem to be hugely unpopular there. The odds of Iris actually enjoying bowling on a second date seem really slim. Asking your date, "Do you like to bowl?" would go a long way toward avoiding disaster, but embarrassing her with a bowling date definitely makes life more interesting. And if Zak is anything, he is embarrassing... I mean interesting.

Mary Worth 2493

I can only imagine the kinds of activities in Zak's mind. Staring at the sun, sitting in mud, jumping bikes off a ramp (*Thank you, Brian Regan). It just sounds like so much fun.

Mary Worht 2492

Wait. That's it? No angst? No meddling? Iris knows what she wants, Mary offers almost sarcastic encouragement, and Iris doesn't care what Mary thinks? Remind me again why I read this comic strip? Because it sure as heck isn't for this!

Mary Worth 2491

When your colorist/husband loves you enough to paint in the purse strap you forgot to draw. This is the sweetest thing ever. It's a whole new world at Mary Worth, Incorporated.

Mary Worth 2490

Just keep Zak away from Mary. He's got a thing for older women.

Mary Worth 2489

"Dear Wilbur, I find that ever since June Brigman started drawing me, I attract a different sort of man. What about you? Meeting any women in Antarctica?"

Mary Worth 2488

"Could you please send me some money? It's expensive here in in Antarctica, and my paper is only providing a $35 per dium. Turns out there are no survivors here because they are always evacuated to Australia. As soon as I get enough money scraped together, I intend to work my way across the Southern Ocean on a penguin hunter's schooner."

Mary Worth 2487

One of the most touching aspects of this beautiful story is that Zak doesn't even know how broke and in debt Iris is, and yet he still says nice things to her, and may one day even tell her his last name. He is constantly lifting her self esteem, which he found wadded up in the dust under a table at Jerry's after years of being stepped on by Wilbur Weston.

Here's something else I found wadded up under a table at Jerry's:

Zak's Playbook: 1) Find a female with horrible self esteem. 2) Make her feel young by inviting her to do young people things. 3) Have friends make fun of her. 4) Compliment her. Say nice things. Tell her she's beautiful. 5) Hug her in the car.

Mary Worth 2486

All I want to know is why we never got to see these romantic, intimate moments between Iris and Wilbur. Surely they had them, and I think they would have been far more interesting.

The Ninth Annual Worthy Awards!

Ladies and Gentleman, Old and Young!

The Charterstone Condo Board is pleased to present the Ninth Annual Worthy Awards! Brought to you by Vicodin, available at many different pharmacies near you! Boss got you down? Girlfriend dump you? Then strain your back, and try Vicodin! It's all you'll ever need.

Many of Santa Royale's blue blood establishment are here tonight, as well as many up-and-comers. So put on your yoga pants, it's time for an opening number!

Before we get started with tonight's winners, each year we present the Aldo Kelrast Memorial Worthy Award posthumously to a character who has died. This coveted prize recognizes outstanding achievement in death. The competition is always tough, and always bitter, but in the end, we can't ALL win this one.

Tonight's winner of the 2016 Aldo Kelrast Memorial Worthy Award goes to ...

 Tommy's Dad! 

Mr. Beedie, thank you for the powerful influence you've had on your son! His fear of hospitals and preference for prison food is all thanks to you!

And now, for our first Worthy Award. The nominees for OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A FLOATING HEAD are...

 Harlan Jones in "Title IX"

 Dr. Jeff Cory M.D. in "No Need to Rush Home"

 John Dill in "Thanks for Visiting My Dreams"

 Tommy Beedie in "Floating Head Shop"

Mary Worth in "Reversed Floating Head"

And the winner is...

 Tommy Beedie in "Floating Head Shop"

This is Tommy Beedie's first Worthy Award, and this one truly represents his courage to push artistic boundaries, establishing new standards of genius.

The nominees for OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A GUEST CHARACTER are...

 Dr. Leone in "Yes, I'm a Doctor"

 Harlan Jones in "The Yoga Code"

 Homeless Man in "Everything But My Faith."

 Sabrina in "The Teen-Aged Meddler"

Mr. Allora in "You're Late! Everything that Happens Next is Your Fault!"

Olive Taylor in "Meddling Munchkin"

And the winner is...

 Harlan Jones in "The Yoga Code"

Harlan Jones impressed us all with his many interests, but his green suit surely impressed us the most.

The nominees for OUTSTANDING PANEL OF 2016 are...

 Chaos Must Be Controlled

 Olive Can Read Your Mind

 

 Care for a Cup of Perspiration?

  

Good Grief, Charlie Brown

 

 Pork Chops and Acrobats

 Joe Giella's Last Mary Worth Panel

And the winner is...

 
Pork Chops and Acrobats

Perhaps the best seats for the most amazing performers in the most fantastic venue in the greatest city in the world! And the pork chops are very good!


The nominees for OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A RECURRING CHARACTER are...

Dawn Weston in "The Yoga Code"

Iris Beedie in "It's All Mr. Allora's Fault"

Mary Worth in "The Yoga Code"

Toby Cameron in "The Yoga Code"

Tommy Beedie in "It's All Mr. Allora's Fault"

And the winner is...

Tommy Beedie in "It's All Mr. Allora's Fault"

Tommy Beedie is proving to be our big winner tonight, and we will --

Wait a minute! Susan Sarandon, sit back in your seat! This is not the time to make a political statement. Susan, please, no, please...

SUSAN SARANDON: I will not be silenced, Wanders! An outrage has taken place in our country and no one is talking about it. Not in any meaningful way. There has been a change that occurred without the consent of a majority of citizens, and I for one will not be silenced. No, I will not! A great man has been serving us for years, and then suddenly he has been replaced. Joe Giella is gone. He will be missed. We wish him the best. We also wish his replacement, June Brigman, the best. She's really good. Maybe even a little too good. She is so good that we failed to notice the real change that took place. With the departure of Joe Giella, there was a change in our syndicate. North America Syndicate, Inc., was silently usurped by King Features Syndicate, Inc., a royalist! It was there between panels day after day, but no one said a thing! All it takes for tyranny to prevail is for good people to remain silent! This is antidemocratic! I for one object to a monarchy! We are Americans! King Features Syndicate will have us groveling before the King. Oppressed subjects of a Tyrant! Down with the King! Down with the King!

Okay, Susan, we love you, and you are right. Our syndicate did change to King Features, Inc. It's right there between the panels every day. I'm sure that if the citizens of Santa Royale begin to feel oppressed... Wait a minute... Santa Royale? That sounds suspicously sovereign, itself. Perhaps Santa Royale is nothing but a colony of the King? But one thing's for sure. We can't solve the world's problems at the Worthy Awards, so please take a seat.

Thank you... may we continue? Thank you...


And now, the nominees for OUTSTANDING STORY OF 2016 are...

Meddling in Manhattan

 The Yoga Code

It's All Mr. Allora's Fault

And the winner is...

 
The Yoga Code

 

Well, it's been a horrible year in so many ways, but at least we will always have memories of Professor Harlan Jones and Yoga.


It's been a long night, but before you go, I was trying to think of a way to thank Joe Giella for his awesomeness and to honor him in some way. I know that Uncle Joe probably and hopefully won't ever need their services, but the Hero Initiative is a fund that is set up to support comic book creators in need, generally in need of essential medical treatment. I've just made a donation there, and I invite you to do so as well. If you donate using PayPal, in the special instructions link just before you make your payment, please mention that this is "In Honor of Joe Giella," and I'd be honored if you mention MaryWorthandMe.com. Have a great night everybody!