Mary Worth 1961

Well, by all means, tell Amy about him now, while you're on your date, talking on your phone! Meanwhile, Sean's thinking, "Wait, she has a kid? She never said she had a kid. Evasive maneuvers, Mr. Solo."

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2014 Worthy Award Nominations

I know many of you have been eagerly awaiting the chance to vote for the 2014 Worthy Awards, and today's the day that voting begins. The polls will be open through January 9, so be sure to vote before it's too late! Your vote is essential! Vote below in each of this year's categories. Winners will be announced at this year's glamorous awards ceremony on January 14.

[Update: the Seventh Annual Worthy Awards Ceremony is posted here.]

After much deliberation while listening to the entire Charterstone Jukebox catalog, the Condo Board is pleased to announce this year's nominees:

The nominees for outstanding performance by a guest character are:

Jerry, the Owner of Jerry's

Bad Doctor Kapuht, M.D.

Olive Taylor

Hanna Dingdon

Scroll through the poll below, choose your favorite, and be sure to click the "Submit" button (you'll need to scroll the survey down to see the button).

The nominees for outstanding performance by a floating head are:

Angel of the Pool

Bad Doctor Kapuht, M.D.

Tommy Two-Tone

Wilbur Weston: Too Big for One Thought Bubble

Choose your favorite below (you'll need to click submit for each award category).

The nominees for outstanding performance by an established character:

Dr. Jeff Cory, M.D.

Mary Worth

Toby Cameron

Ian Cameron

Wilbur Weston

Choose your favorite below.

The nominees for Panel of the Year are:

Angel of the Pool

Flower Fairies

Bad Doctor Kapuht, M.D.

The Skin of its Teeth

Tee Hee Eddie

Tommy Won't Work for Me

Dive! Dive! Dive!

Choose your favorite below.

And finally, the nominees for Outstanding Story of 2014 are:

Frannie's Mom Gets a Divorce, and a Gift Certificate

It Isn't Depressing at All!

Olive's Tummy Lobotomy

Tommy Finds a Job and Harasses His First Colleague

Mary Worth 1960

"Yes! Crazy in LOVE!"

In honor of Hanna and Sean, the Condo Board has added "Crazy in Love" by Conway Twitty to the Charterstone Jukebox.

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Mary Worth 1959

Sean's obsession with mean tuna is concerning. I've heard of bluefin, albacore, yellowfin, and even skipjack. But something tells me that mean tuna is neither sustainable nor dolphin friendly. And now, mixing it with mayonnaise isn't enough. He's adding cheese. Dr. Drew Cory may have a few things to say about your cholesterol levels, Sean.

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Mary Worth 1958

I appreciate that Karen Moy incorporates so many effective literary devices into her story telling. Today is a delightful example of irony: It is Amy who will be surprised when she finds Grandma is already out on a date. I'm guessing it will be Mary who has the satisfaction of telling her this because no one enjoys smugness better than Mary. And irony always leads to smugness.

Also ironic: Amy is killed in a car crash, while Gordon survives despite his lack of a child safety seat.

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Mary Worth 1957

My wife and I met as graduate students at the College-Conservatory of Music at the University of Cincinnati. Trust me. Musicians talk like this all the time.

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Mary Worth 1956

Of course she'll follow you anywhere. You're driving.

Mary Worth 1955

Anais Nin makes an appearance in Mary Worth. And no matter how much Debussy I listen to today, it just isn't helping.

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Mary Worth 1954

First of all, Hanna doesn't have any other friends.

Second of all, the number one Condo Matter on Mary's agenda is to evict Hanna without her knowing she was actually evicted. The fact that lonely and desperate Sean Hastings has unwittingly inserted himself into this diabolical scheme only makes life easier for everyone at Charterstone.

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Mary Worth 1953

As she presses her warm apple cake to her chin, Mary shows Hanna her newest acquisition, Edward Hopper's little known, "Room in California."

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Mary Worth 1952

Yes, Mary, they're going to a concert. Remember, you love Debussy too? You were talking about it ten minutes ago. Although music can mend the broken heart, it can't do a thing for dementia.

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Mary Worth 1951

I haven't heard Mary Worth talk like a gangster since she asked Aldo Kelrast if he capiched. Good times. Good times.

Here's a couple of guys who are also simpatico. Frank Sinatra and Don Rickles.

Mary Worth 1950

Perhaps I've been misreading Hanna. Perhaps she doesn't want to be left alone on the sofa with Sean nervously waiting for apple cake. Unfortunately, I think Hanna is just looking for some alone time with Mary to fill her in on all of her inner feelings. I can't wait.

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UPDATE! Citizen Alert!

I'm starting to put together the Worthy Award nominations, and discovered this little gem:

You'll remember that fateful day on July 13 when we first met Dr. Kapuht, who was secretly stealing heroine for recreational purposes from the unsecured cabinet at the hospital:

Remember how we laughed at his mustache that disappeared the next day, and have since referred to him as the doctor with the disappearing mustache? Well, as I was scrolling the King Features Syndicate site, I noted that they have revised that July 13 panel:

Mary Worth 1949

Jeff has been so busy fund raising that Mary has been left with nothing to do but observe the flirtatious interactions of two awkward octogenarians. It isn't as disgusting as the food, though. It looks like everyone has wisely chosen to forgo using their dental tools, preferring to eat with their hands.

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Mary Worth 1948

There's been a lot of "life" since July 27.

Here's a little message for loyal Santa Royale Citizen Fauxprof: Get well soon and click here!.

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Mary Worth 1947

Their interactions are easier to observe when you sit them on the same side of the table. Is that a mannequin arm that Sean is waving around to add emphasis to his remarks? Isn't Hanna supposed to be watching Gordon tonight? Sean strikes me more as the kind of guy who has pockets. Still no sign of Chin Napkin?

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Mary Worth 1946

To be fair, Hanna and Sean are not comparing themselves to Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall. They are comparing meatloaf and mashed potatoes to Bogart and Bacall. And as poor a comparison as that is, given that Bogart and Bacall are one of Hollywood's all time sexiest and most romantic power couples, it's still much better than comparing meatloaf and mashed potatoes to Sean and Hanna.

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Mary Worth 1945

Wait. What? You don't KNOW if you want to raise your grandson? The complexity of Hanna's character has made her completely unpredictable. Somewhere along the line, I got the impression she didn't want to spend time with Gordy, that she felt she'd already done her time as a parent. But apparently she is more layered and nuanced and inconsistent than that.

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Mary Worth 1944

This is what I refer to as a Mary Redemption Moment. She's been catty with Hanna from the beginning, and couldn't wait to run her out of Charterstone. Now we learn that she really does want to help Hanna, whom she considers to be her friend. If she had actually spoken the words, "I want to help you, friend," we would have doubted her sincerity based on our review of past interactions, and so the author has placed them in a thought bubble because Mary never lies to herself. But who would actually think this kind of thing without actually saying it?

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Mary Worth 1943

I don't know where to start with today's Marypalooza of Mirth, but I think I'll start with the spoons hanging on the wall. Then I'll mosey over to Mary's ET face in panel one before I wander past the alleged egg that Mary is dumping into her ghost cake. Skipping over the border into panel two, I'll ponder Mary's thoughtful "Mmmm" as she reflects on her previous statement, and then I'll just hang in midair at Toby's maliciously voyeuristic suggestion that Mary needs to observe Hanna and Sean interact.

I'm a bit overwhelmed by it all. But above all else, the one thing that chills me to the core is the faulty reassurance that three years will go by fast!

Mary Worth 1942

Because it isn't enough to take away her car keys. Ian wants that menace run out of town!

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Mary Worth 1941

"Why haven't you taken a bite of your sandwich? Is it too mean for you? And may I ask a follow up question? Why did you take off your pearls?"

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Mary Worth 1940

Says the woman who wore pearls for their walk.

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Mary Worth 1939

Okay. Now they're making toast. Okay. Okay.

I actually long for the days of Gina and her soccer playing Bobby Black (and his long lost sister Jill).

So how abouts we watch this instead: