For example, in the short time that I have been writing this letter, my neighbors have completely rearranged my furniture. Twice! People are good. People are good.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Mary Worth 1,336
As Giant Computer Monitor drones on and on about the failings of humanity, Mary Worth drifts quietly to sleep. Perhaps working at a computer two hours a day is not for her.
There was some confusion about yesterday's post, so I've rewritten in for clarity. Sorry about that.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Mary Worth 1,335
I'm not sure what Wilbur had in mind when he suggested Dawn turn her frown upside down, but I used cut and paste to find out. I'm not convinced this is any better.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Mary Worth 1,334
Round trip last-minute airfare to Italy: $4,000
Two month rental car: $4,000
Nine weeks of unpaid leave: $4,000
The gratitude of a child: Priceless.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Mary Worth 1,333
All this time I thought Wilbur was packing the pink curtains. Turns out it's his shirt. Same size though. (Ha ha ha ha. Fat joke.)
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Mary Worth 1,332
It is another great big news day in Santa Royale. Stock results, soaring polls. It's the kind of news that makes me think of one of my favorite websites: The Police Beat column on the campus of Brigham Young University. Provo, Utah, just isn't known for good crime:
"June 5-A student reported losing his wallet at the Cannon Center in the cubby section where backpacks and other supplies are left. After leaving and returning with Cannon Center employees, he found his wallet crammed in the back of the cubby he had used."
Friday, June 22, 2012
Mary Worth 1,331
Mary, if you really want to change lives, do something about these record temperatures!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Mary Worth 1,330
I am so happy that Wilbur was able to find airfare for less than $2,000 a person. It's left so much extra cash for hotel rooms in Rome, Florence and Amalfi. Which is only 1,100 km's in the rental car they'll have for two months.
I wouldn't mind filling in for "Ask Wendy" if it pays this well.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Mary Worth 1,329
But you should convince your readers, Dawn, because really, Dave broke up with you, life is brutal, your dad wants to fix you by taking you to the empty villa of his best friend whom he has never mentioned, and he's taking two month's leave from the column he writes for the local weekly, and yet manages to pay his rent, your tuition, and your cell phone bill. So, yes, convincing your readers that any of this is even remotely plausible would be kind of nice.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Mary Worth 1,328
The thing about Person Magazine is that it's only about one person. And it's the same person each week. Which makes it kind of interesting, except for that person. And who is the person whose privacy is invaded day after day by the relentless paparazzi? Gina "The Waitress" Black, of course.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Mary Worth, 1,327
Could this possibly mean we're going to get to spend the summer in Italy with Wilbur Weston? Oh, joys... No, no. Be still my heart. At any moment we could be "Meanwhile, back at Mary's typewriter." I won't believe it until I'm actually standing inside the Colosseum.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Mary Worth, 1,326
I'm glad Wilbur and his lovesick daughter are going to renew themselves. It was devastating for them both when Dave dumped Dawn. But soon she and her Dad will be flying kites in Amalfi and frolicking on the beaches of Tuscany. A lovely Father's Day image. On second thought, perhaps I would prefer to watch Mary Worth answer mail.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Mary Worth 1,325
Wilbur's menacing snarl and Mary's look of terror practically guarantees that this will indeed be an exciting change of pace. Very exciting!
I followed everyone's advice last night and took my wife out for dinner to celebrate the fifth anniversary of Mary Worth and Me. We brought our 12 year old along. At one point she said, "I find practically all cartoon food to be appealing." I asked her if she ever read Mary Worth.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Mary Worth 1,324
Hey, Mister, watch where you're pointing that thing... er, those things? It's hard to point when you have two pointer fingers.
On June 15, 2007, I decided to post a comment about Mary Worth on a personal blog I was trying to start. And "Mary Worth and Me" was born. I don't know how to celebrate Mary and my fifth anniversary together. Any suggestions? Kelkies and salmon squares? A little shrimp scampi? Or perhaps a lingering dinner at a nameless diner.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Mary Worth 1,322
I know we're all waiting on pins and needles to see whether we'll be spending our summer romping around Italy with Wilbur and his brokenhearted daughter, or watching Mary Worth answer mail. But I think there's a third option: We could just skip through time and pick up with "After Wilbur returns from Italy, Mary tells him all about what it was like answering all that mail."
Monday, June 11, 2012
Mary Worth 1,321
If by "!," Mary means, "Wilbur brought his own muffin, and it's much bigger than mine," then, yes, "!" is the appropriate response!
Speaking of muffins, our blueberry bushes are bursting, so yesterday Mrs. Wanders and little Gamma Wanders made blueberry muffins ripe with ridiculous deliciousness.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Mary Worth 1,320
Please, please, please let me write "Mary Worth" while Karen Moy takes a much needed vacation! I don't know if I'm up to the task, and I might destroy the franchise with stories that feature alien encounters and caped crusaders, but at least gimme a shot!
Friday, June 8, 2012
Mary Worth 1,319
Because there is no technologically viable way for Wilbur to submit his "Ask Wendy" column while overseas, he'll have to forward all his readers' emails to Mary Worth.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Mary Worth 1,318
I find it ironic that the editor of the Santa Royale Newspaper's "Living" section looks like a funeral director.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Mary Worth 1,317
I had a conversation with my boss yesterday that went a little something like this:
Wanders: I need to take an extended leave for personal reasons.
Boss: You aren't going out on another bender with a floozy are you?
Wanders: Ha ha ha ha. That's a very good question. I need to take my daughter to Hawaii.
Boss: Your DAUGHTER? Is everything okay?
Wanders: It will be if I can just take my daughter to Hawaii for the summer.
Boss: I hope everything works out.
Wanders: I'd like my pay in advance.
Boss: Let me get the checkbook.
Wilbur and I both have good bosses.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Mary Worth 1,316
Wilbur's boss is kind of a jerk, except that he really doesn't care if his "Ask Wendy" columnist takes off for an extended visit to Europe. I can't blame him for being grouchy, though. I mean his job is to edit "Ask Wendy."
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Mary Worth 1,315
With all of the recent Italian references... Donna Amalfi, Gina Baroni, and now Giorgio... plus our recent look into life within the witness protection program, I feel like My Blue Heaven must be Karen Moy's favorite movie.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
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