There were many great entries in yesterday's caption contest, but this morning's last-minute entry by Meg pretty much sums up my feelings today:
Congratulations! Meg, if you have a favorite Halloween song to add to the jukebox for the big blow-out bash at the Charterstone clubhouse, let me know! You've earned it.
I'm sure Hilton Berkes will appreciate a nice bouquet.
I know everyone has been waiting three weeks to find out who won our most recent Not-a-Real-Contest contest. Sorry for all the suspense. I was traveling, and it was hard to assemble the Condo Board to evaluate. The winner is Toots McGee for his submission: "Three words: Kites Are Fun!" Of course, Toots McGee knows that Kites are Fun was once the most popular song on the Charterstone Jukebox, and still very loved by the Condo Board. Congratulations, Toot. Send me an email and let me know what song you'd like to add to the Jukebox.
Toby has a right to be angry. There were many ways Ian could have earned the good graces of Hilton Berkes, New University Director, that did not impose on his loving wife. He could have invited Director Berkes to see Toby's gallery show. He could have taken him out to lunch and then shown him around the town. He could have washed Hilton's car windows and offered to wash his laundry.
How would you like to see Ian earn Hilton Berke's good graces? Let's make this a "Not a Real Contest" contest. We haven't done that in a while. The arbitrarily chosen winner will get to pick a song for the jukebox. As always, all jukebox selections must be approved by the condo board.
This reminds me of a funny story. My friend's sister, Nicole, was babysitting my sister, Kristen, and they decided to play Hide-and-Seek. I don't know how little my sister was at the time. Maybe five. She didn't know that when they call out "Olly Olly All Come Free," you reveal yourself and you win. She hid herself very well, and the distressed babysitter had to call her entire family over to the house, and when they couldn't find her, they were panicked enough to call the police. There were sirens in the front yard, so finally Kris came out to see what all the commotion was about.
Olive, may I recommend lying on top of the narrow wall mounted space heater underneath the coffee table? That way, anytime anyone looks under the coffee table, you'll be up off the floor high enough that they won't see you unless they actually get down on the floor and look up. And trust me, if a panicked babysitter can't find you when she's really trying, your disinterested parents may not even notice you are missing. I'm sure they'll appreciate the extra hour of quiet in the morning.
Hey! Let's have a Not-a-Real-Contest contest: Whoever guesses where Olive ends up hiding gets to nominate a jukebox song to the Condo Board!
POOL PARTY! With flirting! But the dress code has certainly decayed to a new low. I mean, is that man wearing an actual swimming suit? But don't worry, Toby. You don't have to keep Ian under wraps because Ian can't fit under wraps!
And each of them actually IS different from panel to panel... so that's cool too. I don't have much to say, except nice mug. Now everyone go out and make a difference, okay? Do something today that Mary would do if she could be there herself. 
Aha! It was a slide rule. How awesome is that? Joolz, TeacherPatti, and Diving off a Cliff are all eligible to recommend Charterstone Jukebox songs just for participating in our Not-A-Real-Contest contest. Remember, the condo board must approve all suggestions. 
I have two things to be grateful for this morning. One, "Valley of the Dels" ended yesterday before things got any more sickening, and two, we were spared watching Ian and Toby fall in love all over again.
That's a great idea. By the way, whose book were you selling on August 7th?
She's back... This will be excellent.1. What's it like to kiss a man? It's been so long, I've forgotten.Those are just a few I came up with. I'd love to hear your suggestions. In fact, let's make it a Not-A-Real-Contest contest. The reader who comes up with the best question as judged by the Condo Board will get to choose a song for the Charterstone Jukebox! All songs must be approved by the Condo Board, and remember, this is not a real contest. Let the meddling begin!
2. Should your father and I elope?
3. How serious are you about this whole marriage thing?
4. Would you consider marrying one of these random waiters in slacks instead?
I'm glad the choreographer is there to tell Mary how well Lynn is doing. Because to me she looks like she always does just before she faints. 
And Mary Worth has made it her mission to help them remember!
Thanks to everyone who participated in yesterday's Not-A-Real-Contest contest. I enjoyed reading what everyone in Santa Royale is thinking when they look at the picture of Ron and Mary in the newspaper. Lots of great entries. The Condo Board was able to narrow it down to two entries and then I determined the final results.
First Runner Up: Carol, for her poignant "Oh, look, there's a sale at Walgreen's."
And our grand prize winner is the Anonymous writer who captured verbatim the succinct single thought of the entire city of Santa Royale: "Oh look, Mary Worth is obviously cheating on her boyfriend, Dr. Jeff Corey. I feel so sorry for that foolish cuckold, Dr. Jeff Corey. Dr. Jeff Corey must be a real fool. That poor stupid Dr. Jeff Corey. Poor Dr. Jeff Corey. She made a fool of Dr. Jeff Corey, alright. What a dope that Dr. Jeff Corey is! I bet Dr. Jeff Corey feels stupid. I should call all my friends and tell them how Mary Worth made Dr. Jeff Corey look foolish. Poor foolish Dr. Jeff Corey! My, my, my. Dr. Jeff Corey. Dr. Jeff Corey. Dr. Jeff Corey."
Congratulations Carol and Anonymous. You each win the opportunity to suggest a song for the Charterstone Jukebox (in the right column of this blog). Since all songs must be approved by the Condo Board, I encourage you to listen to the jukebox to get a sense of what they like. You can email your suggestions to MaryWorthandMe@gmail.com.
It's time once again for another Not-A-Real-Contest Contest! You, the reader, get to decide what everyone thinks when they look at the picture of Mary Worth and Ron Amalfi holding glasses in the Santa Royale News.
Submit your answers in today's comments section. Remember, the winner isn't always the snarkiest, nor is it the most violent. Sometimes it is just the most pure in heart. The winner will have the opportunity to suggest a new song for the Charterstone Jukebox. (Not-A-Real-Contest contests are not real contests. All songs on the Charterstone Jukebox must be approved by the Condo Board. No prize is guaranteed.)
So submit your best (family-friendly) guess today! What do people think when they look at that photo? Come on, you know you want to.
EDITED TO ADD: A winner has been selected which you can read about here. However, feel free to add comments if you'd like, and be sure to read all the entries.
I think it's weird that these boys are named Ron (Howard?) and Richie (Cunningham?). I was a huge Happy Days fan. Maybe she only has one son and he's doing sort of the Gollum/split-personality thing. I'm hoping Mary will team up with the Fonz to go kick some serious sense into this psychopath.
We have a winner in yesterday's Not-A-Real-Contest! Thanks everyone for your great guesses, but what are Ron and Richie arguing about? "Less Filling! Tastes Great!" Congratulations Boojum. You get to recommend the next song added to the Charterstone Jukebox (find the jukebox in the right hand column of the blog). Now there's just the one caveat: the Condo Board is kind of particular about what songs can go into the jukebox so you're going to need to give this some thought if you want you're song approved. I suggest listening to the songs that are already in there if you need some ideas.
I don't mean to pry, but...
Here we go. I am trembling with anticipation. What could the disagreement be? And what special skills will Mary Worth bring to restore familial equanimity and grant a dying woman's last wish?
I think it is time for another Not-a-Real-Contest contest. Submit your guesses as to what Ron and Richie (or whatever their names are) find so important as to agitate their mother on her hospital death bed. The best answer as ruled by the Condo Board will have the high honor of selecting a new song for the Charterstone Jukebox.
Wheelhead selected "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee for the Charterstone Jukebox - his prize of privilege in our most recent Not-A-Real-Contest contest. The condo board has approved of his selection and issued the following statement: "The Charterstone Condo Board hearby and heartily approves Wheelhead's sagacious selection of Sir Elton John's powerful musical rendition 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart.' We commend Mr. Wheelhead on his excellent taste and his discerning familiarity with the moral and upright sensibilities of Charterstone residents and this august body."
Congratulations, Wheelhead. You may listen to the Jukebox in the right hand column.
This morning's Mary Worth post follows below.
The winner of our most recent Not A Real Contest is Wheelhead, for making the only non-violent contribution: Joining a Benedictine order with Dr. Drew.
However, Wheelhead's first suggestion was torching Mary's condo so I'm hesitant to even issue this award. (Jeff, by the way, does not live in a condo, Wheelhead, as he resides in a Suburban Man Cabin.)
Congratulations to all our contestants. You're all equally disturbed! Wheelhead, let me know what song should be added to the Charterstone Jukebox. As always, the condo board has the final approval.
