Well in that case, don't talk to him. Sit here. Maybe he can read your mind.
Perhaps that is why we don't need to be conscious to enjoy Mary Worth.
O, Donna, we hardly knew thee. And O, Mary, ye hardly knew Ron, yet you've managed to completely monopolize his time at the funeral. All these other life-long friends and relations who are here, Ron, to show you moral support are simply ignored as you conform to the will of your Puppet Master. And what about Richie? Where is that chump?
Do Ron Amalfi and Mary Worth have the audacity to actually DANCE while Donna rests in "PEAC" in the next room?
I did not expect this. It's a hard thing to wake up and find Donna Amalfi dead. Dying alone while her boys are out drinking coffee together. It is just so sad. Not being there when she left, I feel like I need to find some closure. But how? But how?
Donna Amalfi is a big faker! This whole hospital visit was just an elaborate ruse to get her boys to stop fighting with each other. Mary Worth must bow to the earth in abject admiration of such manipulation. Donna's doctor even lied to them about the breathing tube - it's just an oxygen mask - permitting her to crack a wry grin as her sons ignorantly fall into line.
And here's a picture of Ron on April 27th. I'd say it is pretty close. What skill!
Good heavens! They've removed Donna's body and the boys were once again so wrapped up in themselves that they didn't even notice.
There still seems to be a lot of confusion about which brother is Ron and which is Richie. Distinguishing the two rivals (who have despised each other for years, but who in literally three sentences have put all the venom and vitriol behind them) is particularly challenging for those who are still lucky enough to read Mary Worth on paper in black and white. But here's a tip that will help you: Richie has a buzz top, like Sgt. Carter, and Ron is an idiot, like Gomer Pyle.
This should be interesting. Ron and Richie, never able to enter the same room for more than five seconds without going berserkers on each other, are now going to hug it out. If they can just keep it together until Mother's Day, when Donna revives long enough to see the boys embrace. She will pass in peace, and all because Mary Worth cared enough to meddle and observe, "You shouldn't fight so much. It makes your mother sad."
Mary Worth for Secretary of State! Think what she could accomplish in the Middle East with her tremendous powers of persuasion. Her foreign policy of meddling everywhere would come to be known as the "Worth Doctrine."
Ron carries a lot of weight on those shoulders. It is tough being the oldest son. I speak from experience. When you're the oldest son, like me and Ron, you really do feel responsible for everything. It's rough... My siblings have no idea how rough it is. They'll never understand what Ron and I go through.
But, you also learn at a very early age to make the kitten eyes. And that usually takes care of everything. Ron definitely understands how the kitten eyes work.
Oh, Mary, you old coot. I'm not sure how you've reached your diagnosis, but it couldn't be any less accurate than dead cats removing warts, so no harm done. Now, hurry down to room 47-G; there's a man with kidney stones who's wondering how to get rid of them (Hint: bring some pickle juice).
Oh, Ron. It's over. You blew it. You let Mary Worth put her Puppetmaster touch on you. By simply placing her hand within inches of your spinal cord, she is able to transfer her will to your brain and overrule your self-determination. You are now merely her puppet.
It's already happening. From here on out, you'll agree to any suggestion Mary implants in your brain. Yes, they did love each other very much. Yes, my brother and I do fight a lot. Yes, we would like to come to dinner.
And with one final mesmerizing suggestion, Mary has completed the osmotic transfer of her own will over yours. Oh, Ron, at least you no longer need to waste time debating ancient philosophical questions such as, "Am I free to choose, or do I only think I am free to choose?" The answer now is, "Neither."
Oh, Ron... you don't know the meaning of the word "suffer." Unless I miss my guess, Mary is about to apply some Queen Mother Meddling that she's patiently and painstakingly taken several days to plot. In less than a month, you'll be begging for someone to pull the plug on you.
I guess it is too easy to criticize the mentally ill, but these two are the most disturbing adults I've ever seen. Ron continues to parrot his oppressive mother's martyr complex even as he prepares to bash her comatose body with a chair.
Here's something to remember:
I have to admit I find Ron and Richie's unrestrained and irrational rage refreshing after years of Mary's bitter passive aggression.
Holy-moley. Is Dr. Feel Good checking the blood pressure of a corpse? Is that standard procedure?
Well, I'm not exactly sure how Mary managed to stop the fight. I'm feeling a little ripped off because that would have been the best panel in the series so far.
But clearly, Ron is the good son. A little too good if subliminal messages are to be believed, which they are. Especially when you compare the first aid kit in panel two to Mike Huckabee's book shelf.
Thank you Karen Moy, for listening to your readers. During the Mary Worth flashback storyline, how many times did we hear your fans scream out, "Show! Don't tell!" Now, we've completely abandoned logical narrative and dialog for action, action, action. Well done!
However, I do worry that Mary Worth fans will be negatively influenced by today's installment, much as my children are influenced by the violence we let them watch on television. Keep your eyes on your local nursing home for an increase in violent episodes. I'd hate for one negative incident to jeopardize Mary Worth's wholesome, boring reputation.
For those who are wondering if violence is something new to this comic strip, I'm reposting "Kung Fu Fighting" for a more thorough examination of violence in Mary Worth.
Richie: If you took better care of her, she wouldn't
be here!
Ron: If I took better care of her!? How
can you of all people say that? You have some nerve
saying that!
Richie: I'll say what I want! If you took better care of her,
she wouldn't be here!
Ron: I took very good care of Mom!
Richie: She's dying! You didn't do her any good!
Ron (pointing a finger in Richie's face): I did better than you, Rich! She hardly saw you this past year!
The scene is full of deep character subtext. Why does Richie struggle to accept his mother's natural death? Why is Ron such a mamma's boy? Alas, I fear the author may cut the dialogue short, but doesn't it have tremendous potential?
I'm with Mary Worth on this one: "?" Ron and Richie are a female nurse? This is getting weirder and weirder. I don't have all the answers, but I suspect it has something to do with the Dharma Initiative.
