Mary Worth 1939

Okay. Now they're making toast. Okay. Okay.

I actually long for the days of Gina and her soccer playing Bobby Black (and his long lost sister Jill).

So how abouts we watch this instead:

Mary Worth 1,655

Well, I'd say that this Sharing Circle was a disaster. But not as big a disaster as a certain wedding reception I recall:

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 1,293

Today's (real) Full Strip

Mary Worth 1,086

Karen Moy LOVES me! She knows how I respond to the most beautiful words in the Worthiverse: I'm going to tell you a story. Never doubt Karen Moy's love for me. The following panels prove the extent of that love!


"Never Walk Your Daughter Down the Aisle
Without a Groom at the Other End."


"Why Bonnie Compulsively Shops"

"The Man Who Got Away"
(or, "Why I Date Your Father")

"Why I Faint When I Skate"

"My Compulsion to Help Others"

Mary Worth 935

Kids, let this be a lesson to you. Jill Black could have easily saved 700,000 French Pacific Francs if she hadn't gotten so drunk at last night's rehearsal dinner.

Now Adrian and Scott are headed off for a week in Bora Bora. As you'll remember, Scott wanted to have a local honeymoon, so no doubt, this is just one more attempt by Jill to sabotage their marriage. Now they just need to get their passports, drive to the airport, buy a ticket to Bora Bora, walk into the Four Seasons and hand them those really pretty vouchers that Jill made with her Crayola markers. Then, they can catch some water borne illness and spend the week throwing up over the railing of their hut.


Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 934

If you think things have been exciting this week as Adrian has read Jill's letter, just wait until next week when Scott reads it!

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 933

You mean, erase from our memories the most memorable, spectacular, excellent moment in Mary Worth in 2010? A moment so awesome that Joe Giella has chosen to recreate it for today's strip just to remind us of what you want us to erase? Consider it erased.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 932

"It doesn't matter how... It doesn't matter that you were a fool to lose $50,000 to a con man... it doesn't matter that you fell in love with the cop who 'saved' you... it doesn't matter that you make three times as much money as him... What matters is that you are both desperate enough to think you're happy together..."

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 926

Well, it was a lovely wedding... We gathered together at the Church of Math to add one man and one woman together to make one flesh, as the Bible says.

I was a little surprised when the bride's father got disoriented and walked her down the side aisle of the church, but it gave those of us with bad seats and bad mustaches a better look at all the features to love on the bride's dress.

It was a bit stunning when William Shakespeare arrived and quoted from Henry VI, Part III. In fact, it was horribly inappropriate, as Shakespeare usually is when he appears in Mary Worth. He quoted from a scene when the spineless king decides he'd rather meditate than rule, so he asks two of his former enemies to rule jointly in his stead by joining their hearts together. One of the two men pretty quickly turns back against the king and helps slay his son, if I'm remembering right, which I think I am. Anyway, I hope this isn't going to doom the marriage...

The minister had barely started the service, when Shakespeare began to read Venus and Adonis. "Love comforteth like sunshine after rain..." except he said "comforts" instead of "comforteth" so that the groom's friends wouldn't get confused. Also, the poem was way too long and is perhaps his most erotic work. I was really embarrassed for William Shakespeare.

Everyone was really happy and jumped up and started to congratulate the couple, but then the minister asked us to quiet down because he wasn't done yet. Eventually, Mr. and Dr. Scott Hewlett were happily married. I just hope that nothing insane happens at the reception, like some crazy drunk crashing through the wall of the caterer's and ruining the cake...



Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 925

It's Christmas Eve, and I have a special DOUBLE FEATURE BONUS for you as a gift. Today, we get Jill's story... AND Mary's lecture!

Jill's Story
JILL: I’m going to tell you a story, Mary… and then YOU can tell ME what’s wrong with it! I warn you, though! It DOESN’T end with “Happily Ever After”!… Seven years ago, I was engaged just like Adrian!… I was high on a cloud with the man I loved! In my mind, Jordan and I were going to get married and live happily ever after!…

MARY: But that’s not what happened… was it?

JILL: Isn’t it something how things in life turn out differently than we expect?

MARY: So years ago you were engaged, but didn’t end up getting married?

JILL: Sadly, true… I still remember waiting in the church with all our guests in attendance…

MARY: Do you want something to eat?

JILL: I don’t need to! The coffee is helping… and SO ARE YOU! Seven years ago my wedding was scheduled for a day in December too! I waited for Jordan to show up. But he never did! My heart was broken and my dreams SHATTERED! I relive that awful day of waiting and then being disappointed over and over again! The events leading to Adrian and Scott’s wedding triggered bad memories for me… resulting in things I CAN’T CONTROL!

The end

That was an excellent story, but now why don't you take a little break, pour yourself a glass of eggnog, and come back for the sequel:


Mary's Lecture, No. 7,842
MARY: Jill, I’m sorry about what happened to you… but it’s unfair for Adrian to be affected by it! Especially now when she’s FINALLY found happiness. You’re traumatized by a disappointment that happened years ago, Jill… and it must be hard to process…

JILL: Hard? It was devastating being dumped by my fiance at the altar! I’ll NEVER get over it!

MARY: Adrian’s a good person… and after all she’s been through, she’s FINALLY found happiness! Why deny her that?… Because of what happened in your past? The past only exists by how you remember it! Why not keep what’s good for you and forget the rest? You can never really live in the present… if you’re dwelling in the past! Adrian’s found happiness and you will too… if you allow it in! Adrian asked you to be part of her wedding party because she didn’t want you to feel left out! Don’t pay her back with bad behavior on your part! She deserves better! What you went through was rough, but now it’s time to put it behind you!

JILL: I feel bad… and I’m so embarrassed! I need to make it up to Adrian!...

I love Mary's horrified skepticism and Jill's reckless look of determination in this panel. Well, Mary...this should teach you not to meddle. There's no way a psychopath like Jill won't make things completely worse by trying to make things up to Adrian. This should be the best wedding ever!

Mary Worth 924

I'm sorry, I've been so busy with Christmas preparations, that I really haven't had much time to blog about Jill or this strange old lady who has decided to lecture her. I wonder who she is?

Oh, and I've also been helping with the Condo Board's preparations for the 2010 Worthy Awards. The nominees will be announced Christmas Day, so get ready to vote for your favorites.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 923

I'm still struggling with how a bride gets left at the altar... What kind of father walks his daughter down the aisle when there isn't a groom at the other end (as phoebes in santa fe asked yesterday). I completely blame the dad. I mean, even though Jill is the one with all the wedding planning experience and all, I would think her dad would at least have a little bit of common sense.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 922

There, written in Bic ballpoint pen on Mr. Black's hand, it says very plainly, "Confirm groom has arrived, and THEN march Jill down the aisle."

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 921

Several thoughts on Jill's story so far...

• It looks like Jordan may have escaped from this disastrous situation just in the nick of time.

• Jill is still so drunk that she's started to suck her thumb... or she thinks she's still holding a bottle of booze.

• Mary's arms must have retracted into her chest. Otherwise, where are her elbows?

I still have no idea how this story got started...

JILL: My fiance left me stranded at the altar.
ADRIAN: So you have wedding planning experience...?

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 920

This has been the best Christmas ever. Thank you Mary Worth. I thought Jill making a scene at the rehearsal dinner was as good as it could get, but now a story?! I love stories! Here are four of my favorites:

"Why Bonnie Compulsively Shops"

"The Man Who Got Away"
(or, "Why I Date Your Father")

"Why I Faint When I Skate"

"My Compulsion to Help Others"

Each a classic in its own right. Each a story I return to again and again. I'm sure "Why I Drink Heavily" will be every bit the classic we expect it to be.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 919

Jill! We thought you'd driven off in a cab, but here you are, back where you belong: With us! And now Mary is going to help you sort this out. It's always best to help someone solve their life's problems while they're totally hammered.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 916

As Jill squeaks out one last comment, Moy and Giella squeak out one last nominee for the 2010 Worthy Awards.

And after Maude's comment yesterday, we may need to create a new Worthy Award category: Post of the Year.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 915

In her alcohol-fueled rage against the holiest of unions, Jill finds the strength of seven men, enough to easily withstand being forcefully removed by her assailants, Crippled Cop and Mr. Wobbly Knees, as she declares to the world that she isn't finished yet! Awesome! I for one look forward to this tirade continuing throughout the holiday season. Thank you Karen Moy for this delightful Christmas present.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 914

While Scott and Jeff quietly escort the maid of honor out of the restaurant to drive herself home, I just want to recommend to everyone John Gary's Christmas Album. It's one of my all-time favorites, and very soothing after watching Jill make such a scene at the rehearsal dinner-slash-reception-slash-wedding.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 913

And with one swift karate chop to Scott's throat, the marriage is off.

Unfortunately, for Jill, she's spilled her silver goblet and is going to have to suck the rest of her wine out of the table cloth.

Today's Full Strip