Mary Worth 4030

I'll take "Romantic Dates" for under $2, Mayim.

Mary Worth 4016

It's okay. He's not a doctor.

Mary Worth 4015

Yeah, Jess. You're right. I thought he was going to kiss you just as soon as he patched things up with his ex. Maybe Jess really IS hideous.

Mary Worth 4014

"It feels so exhilarating when you're the one doing the dumping! I don't know why I waited so long."

Mary Worth 4013

I hope Jared still likes Jess now that her face has healed and looks so different. And I hope Jess still likes Jared now that he's made peace with his ex. Because, something tells me that these two like to watch their loved ones suffer, and if they aren't suffering, can it really be love?

But as long as Jess keeps holding her sandwich so pathetically, I'm sure Jared will pity her long enough to last for a few more dates.

Mary Worth 4012

Dang it, Jared, don't do that! What was a sandwich called before it was called a sandwich? Everyone knows about the Earl of Sandwich, but the interesting fact is what is was called before. And now we don't know. But we all know that now it's called a weston.

Mary Worth 4011

Oh, dear. It turns out that Jared is the one turning into Wilbur (either that, or he's moonlighting as a caterer). A variety of soft drinks? How many sodas can the two of you drink?

2022:

2020:

2017:

Mary Worth 4009

Jared, that's a great idea! Jess will love talking with you about your ex-girlfriend and how there's no bad blood between you and how many good times you had together. Brilliant.

Mary Worth 4008

It's easy to be cynical about the emotional pain of a fictional character, but break ups are real, and they hurt. In our modern world, we are so afraid of feeling pain that we often choose to numb ourselves with drugs, alcohol, and meaningless sex. "Mary Worth and Me," however, embraces the pain. We accept it. We acknowledge it. And then we viscerate it. And we spread it all over our bodies in all its stenchy gore, and then we howl to the moon and dance the bw'hama ceremonial dance until dawn. Dawn? Did I say Dawn? Whaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

And thank you, Carlye N. for your recent donation!!

Mary Worth 4007

I'm not crying, you're crying. No seriously, I'm not crying.

Mary Worth 4006

Oh, Jared, sweetheart, no. Don't ask that. It's just so wrong. This is called closure. Closure. Don't try to pry that door back open.

I want to add my sincere thanks to these recent generous donors to the Mary Worth 4000 campaign:

Peter Mullin
Vince Reddy

Mary Worth 4005

Dawn, you weren't the best, but you were the first. And that means something. I mean how many girls stuck around after Jared started talking incessently about Leia's copper bikini and his mother's naked yoga?

Mary Worth 4004

All those years ago? You mean five years ago? When you were in college? Which you still are.

A great big thank you to everyone who participated in the Mary Worth 4000 campaign yesterday! Much generosity was shown, and I am really touched.

Thank you to:

Eric M.
Brett S
Mary R. Y.
Anonymous
Cheryl J.
Mark F.
Jim S.

Thank you, one and all.

Mary Worth 3994

Cooool. Even though Dawn has never met Jess, her subconscious brain was able to conjure up the exact image of the type of girl Jared would dump her for. Aren't brains amazing things?

Mary Worth 3993

She dreams. She DREAMS! It's happening.... It is HAPPENING! I am giddy with excitement and anticipation. Yes, I realize this is not a wise emotional state in the Worthiverse, but I can't help myself.

Mary Worth 3981

Okay, now THAT'S funny. This literally made me smile out loud. Mary hopes Dawn will confide in her directly. Her first response: Why hasn't Dawn spoken to me about this? I think it's time to get out the muffin pans.

I know the building panel could be added to the recycle bin having been used just yesterday, but I will allow the reuse of exteriors since they are solid objects that shouldn't move, and June shouldn't have to redraw them every time. Of course, there is the question of the doves. My only explanation is that only a short time has lapsed so the doves wouldn't have moved that much anyway.

Mary Worth 3980

"No, Jared, I don't. But you could try talking to my boyfriend, Jeff."

Mary Worth 3979

Nice guy-liner, Keith Richards.

Mary Worth 3978

No, no, by all means, get into details. We'd love to review past interactions. It's kind of expected around here.

Mary Worth 3977

"I wish she would admit she was the one who was wrong. I'm sure that will really help our friendship."