Well in that case, don't talk to him. Sit here. Maybe he can read your mind.
Perhaps that is why we don't need to be conscious to enjoy Mary Worth.
- very cool.
Right now, every man who reads Mary Worth (and, yes, there are millions of us), is thinking, "That's how you end a relationship! No tears, no vindictiveness, no Ex-lax brownies on the doorstep." But, guys, you forget how Mary broke up with Jeff Corey; you forget that Mary Worth is the most psychotic of all comic strip characters - more so than Jon Arbuckle or Ziggy, or even that dog in Peanuts. You forget that she's showing up at the next town council meeting dressed in that pink hot pants outfit, waving a carving knife. So before you start thinking you wished every woman you dated was like Mary Worth, take a good hard look at the teary-eyed Bum Boat Bum, Jeff Corey, alone at a table for one, muttering to himself with a shiny string of spittle running down to the edge of his cocktail glass.
As soon as her magic mirror is off the phone, Mary Worth is going to get a good look at who has been handing Ron blank pieces of paper. 
I love this plot! It never gets old. or Pulp Fiction or the Sixth Sense - It's so obvious you just don't see it coming! Now we can add Mary Worth to the list of greatest stories ever told.
Can you find the six differences in these two panels?
Answers:
1) Mary's drapes are open; Ron's blinds are closed when he surfs the Internet.
2) Mary prefers vertical art; Ron's art is horizontal.
3) Mary likes a good wicker-back chair; Ron enjoys fake leather.
4) Mary dresses up for a phone call; Ron likes hanging out in a good cotton T.
5) Mary uses pen and paper to correspond; Ron uses a waffle iron.
6) Ron doesn't need dentures; Mary doesn't have teeth.
Now go enjoy the six differences game!
So after Mary Worth innocently suggests Ron and she go to the Bum Boat for dinner, Ron gags and tells her he doesn't like seafood? It's like a splash of cold water! Maybe she doesn't have as much in common with Ron Amalfi as she first thought when Ron beat up his brother in the hospital parking lot. The man who holds her heart must sincerely appreciate a pan-seared tilapia served with a subtle mango sauce next to a nice rice pilaf and steamed baby carrots. Even if he is the Bum Boat Bum (thank you, Shandyowl! Brilliant!)
I'd like to point out that one year ago yesterday, Drew Corey and Vera Shields met for the first time: "Well, hello there! The name's Drew Corey! Dr. Drew Corey! And what might yours be?" And here it is, one year later, and as I pointed out the other day, Karen Moy is recycling the exact same plot. But this time, Mary is Vera, and she's torturing another Dr. Corey. If she and Ron end up going to the Junction Road Cafe, full of rotating donut display cases, and having a painfully dull and lengthy discussion with Jeff about how wonderful it is to be playing the field at this age, I may have to start reading Hagar the Horrible, which makes no pretense about its quality.
Why, Mary Worth, you little ol' flirt. So the rumors are true.
This looks familiar,
Almost unreal yet,
Close to my soul, and yet,
I'm going to go back there someday.
Wow. We always knew she was a selfish, acrimonious old dame, but this is just awesome! This is what happens when Mary Worth stops taking her meds. Her true colors come shining through, and she's beautiful, like a rainbow. In honor of today's strip, I've added "True Colors" to the Charterstone Jukebox on the right.
I wonder if Ron Amalfi knows anything about her plans? I don't even want to think about what plans she might have. Heaven help the man.
(By the way, if you haven't read NellieOlsen'sConjoinedTwin's poem in yesterday's comments section, do not miss it. The poem is even better than her name! Positively medieval.)
I still don't get how we're defining the word "friend" here. What is this outlandish statement based upon? A depressing platitude? "We cannot change what God determines." Some obvious advice? "Your mother wants you to reconcile with your brother." A questionable medical assessment? "Talk to her, Ron. Your brain-dead mother can hear you." Super-natural prophecy: "Your dead mother must have known you reconciled." And a little social banter? "Thanks for inviting me to your mother's funeral, Ron!"
I'm sorry, but "What did I do to deserve you," is a line reserved only for the most intimate relationships, like the Captain and Maria. Just saying you're friends doesn't really make it so. Jeff and Mary, now that's friendship! They sail together, and take long walks, and conspire to send the children off to Vietnam. Mary supports Jeff in his hobbies, like doctor stuff and fund raising, and Jeff - until recently - supports Mary in her meddling projects. If Ron is this desperate for friendship, I have no idea how he maintained the political network necessary to be appointed to the town council. (And it still bugs me that he wasn't elected.)
We've got a lot of ground to cover at La Rosa, so let's get started, shall we?
You can tell by the carefully prepared brown lumps of food and the fact that Father McIrish-Green-Jacket dines here with the head of the Women's Auxilary (albeit without a table), that La Rosa is nothing less than a Five Star (★★★★★) dining experience.
Gosh, Ron Amalfi is so committed to this mysterious, political-sounding thing called "downtown revitalization," that he's willing to trade a normal life for late nights at work, long hours on the phone, and boring business trips... Wait a minute. For most of us, that is normal life. Dining at five star restaurants with Mary Worth, however, would be anything but normal.
Finally, the opening panel demands a little attention.
If you're so intent, Ron, on making a change, then why don't you start by changing your expression?
Uh oh. Politics. Tricky subject for Mary Worth. Obviously, Mary Worth was supporting Hillary Clinton because they're both women, and according to cable news, women supported Hillary Clinton. Additionally, Mary Worth will now be voting for McCain because according to cable news, people who supported Hillary Clinton could never vote for Barak Obama. Even though Clinton and Obama are so alike on so many issues that it led to a major split in the Democratic Party, Clinton supporters are so angry that they will abandon all their political principles and vote for McCain out of spite. Also, McCain is old according to cable news, so that's another reason Mary Worth will vote for him.
Yesterday's cliffhanger: "Where will we eat?" Today's climax: "La Rosa." Whew! And so many of us were certain they were going to the Bum Boat. I totally didn't see this coming. I love when the plot takes a complete left turn like this. Whoa. It's what makes Mary Worth so exciting. And Mexican food is so much spicier than seafood, which also says something about Ron vs. Jeff.
Plus, Ron has been appointed to Santa Royale's Town Council making him spicey and powerful. Apparently, in Santa Royale they realize that the citezenry is too simple-minded to actually choose their officials through a democratic election. So the King of Santa Royale appoints them.
Exciting news: According to Archie News, our very own legendary comic artist Joe Giella has inked the cover of the upcoming "Archie's Pals & Gals Double Digest" #122. Look for it in specialty stores on June 11th, and on newsstands June 25th. This man just doesn't slow down!
Please don't eat at the Bum Boat. Please don't eat at the Bum Boat. If Ron takes Mary Worth to the Bum Boat, despite their ridiculously early reservation, Jeff might see them, or the wait staff might get suspicious, but no doubt it will only make things worse. And that would mean a plot might start to develop, which could be too much for Mary Worth fans to handle.
But the main reason I don't want them to go to the Bum Boat is that I am only aware of three restaurants in Santa Royale: The Bum Boat (★★★); Three Trees (★★★★); and the Junction Road Cafe (★). And it's always fun to discover a new place to eat.
I was thrilled by the panel above. Since Mary Worth read the Charterstone bylaws and discovered that, yes, pets are allowed, everyone is getting dogs to carry. And it makes them so happy!
This is it: The Big Moment. Mary Worth has been waiting for weeks to find out just exactly how much Ron is inheriting.
I have to admit, when I first read this, I thought Mary was the one saying she had good news to share, i.e.: I dumped Jeff. I was disappointed when I figured out the first balloon was coming from the phone.
Somewhere down this lumbering storyline, there's going to be this moment when Jeff admits feeling jealous of Ron Amalfi. And if Mary even so much as hints that her feelings were completely altruistic and not romantic in the least, she deserves to burn in hell for eternity. Skin worms eating her flesh, eyeballs dangling from their sockets. Because that's what liars get.
This might be a good opportunity to remind everyone that this is a family-friendly blog. I love comments; I think they have become the best part of this blog. But please don't make me moderate them. I know what you're thinking, but please, control yourself.
"Who's always at their best?" Is that a rhetorical question, or are you really looking for praise. You, Mary. You are always at your best. Is that what you were looking for?
