Please, please, please let me write "Mary Worth" while Karen Moy takes a much needed vacation! I don't know if I'm up to the task, and I might destroy the franchise with stories that feature alien encounters and caped crusaders, but at least gimme a shot!
21 comments:
It occurred to me this morning that perhaps we are going to actually witness Wilbur and Dawn's trip to Italy! Mary taking over Wilbur's job could just be a way of making us think she is keeping busy while we're all enjoying ourselves abroad. The Westons' two-month excursion would be so much more interesting than watching Mary work as an advice columnist - (open letter, read letter, reply, repeat...)
Actually, "Life is Brutal" would be a pretty good name for an advice column.
Once Mary takes over "Ask Wendy" and never gives it back, Wilbur and Mary could end up in a major war - could be fun.
Let's all prepare for a flood of false modesty on Mary's part. "What, me take over 'Ask Wendy'? Oh, pshaw and my stars, I'm not worthy!"
Dear Wendymary-
Do you think my boyfriend is cheating on me? Or am I paranoid because I cheated on him first?
NW
Mary will feel the need to get personally involved with the people who write to "Wendy". She will seek them out, feed them unappetizing food, and make them follow her advice.
Combine that behavior with Wanders taking over the strip and you have "Mary Worth, Masked Avenger".
One last note. Giella is not even trying with his backgrounds today. That building looks like it's painted on Editor's window glass.
Cliche Italy Tours Presents:
A Personalized Tour for Mr. Wilbur Weston and Miss Dawn Weston
For convenience's sake, the names of all men, guides, waiters, clerks, etc, will end with the letter O. Angelo, Dino, Martino, Fabio, Umberto, Vito, Santino and Fredo, among many others.
The names of all women, likewise for convenience's sake, will end with the letter A.
Carmela, Conchetta ,Angelina, Margherita, Blanca, Brunetta, Bettina, as well as many others.
All hotels will have stone floors, birdcage elevators, and surly desk clerks.
Every restaurant will serve spaghetti with red sauce, exclusively.
Every lunch will be eaten outdoors, and will feature pannini.
The only two available desserts will be gelato and tiramisu.
Miss Weston will be pinched in crowds around the Forum in Rome, on a vaporetto in Venice, and while staring in amazement at Michelangelo's David in Florence. Although she will believe these men to be her new boyfriends, guide Sofia will explain that pinching is like 'friending.'
Mr. Weston will be dazzled by the vast array of sandwich materials in the Central Markets of Bologna, Florence, and Milan. Guide Guido will explain that he cannot take any of it back to the US, due to agricultural restrictions. Nonetheless, Weston will attempt to take as much back as possible, internally. Guide Guido will direct Mr. Weston to the nearest Gregorio's Grande and Grosso shop for some new suits.
All pictures taken will be selected from a suggested list of topics, for example, the shot where a tourist appears to be supporting the leaning Tower of Pisa is mandatory. Pictures of female tourists gazing too intently at the David will not be permitted. Pictures of tourists pretending to fall into the Grand Canal will be allowed, only if someone eventually falls in. Any shot of Mr. Weston riding a Vespa around the front of the Colosseum with a woman named Valentina clutching him will not be allowed.
Human interest stories such as adopting a stray cat at the Colosseum, stalking Giorgio Clooney at his villa, jumping into the Trevi Fountain to save a Roman waif, and chasing a purse snatcher on the Spanish Steps, may be allowed if time permits, but all will end badly.
Miss Weston's romance with Guide Nico will play out in a Sunday strip only and will never be mentioned again. Mr. Weston's stay in a Siena hospital with food poisoning will last for weeks, and the Palio will be going on, but never seen, right outside his window.
Mr. Weston and Miss Weston will miss their return flight.
Cliche Italy Tours is proud to serve its unimaginative clientele.
@Meg, you've whetted my appetite for a summer tour of Italy! Bring on the pasta, the Tower of Pisa and a (pink, please!) Vespa. Oh, and the David. *blush*
Has Wilbur actually run this by Mary? I mean, this reminds me of the time a very devout friend excitedly called me to say that God "told" her I was to apply for a certain job. It wasn't a job I even wanted and I had to gently inform her that God hadn't "told" me anything about it. Awkward.
If what I think is true, we are about to have the most awesome episode in MW history.
What if Giorgio is actually George Clooney? He spends summers at his villa in Italy. It could be...
Here's how Wilbur and Clooney became friends:
Dear "Wendy":
I need advice. I am a handsome, famous rich guy. I like dating attractive young babes. But everytime I date one, she starts talking about marriage. I don't want to get married. What should I do?
Giorgio in California
Dear Giorgio in California:
It's simple. Every time one of the babes starts talking marriage, break up with her. Get another girlfriend. Rinse, repeat.
Wendy
I would love to see Mary tackle some "X-File" problems or even starting her own Knights of the Night type thing. We should start a petition to get you to write Mary Worth while Ms. Moy takes a well-deserved vacation.
Dear Wendy, My nosy neighbor keeps bringing me kelk casseroles and I can't get her to stop. Please help. What can I do?
ha ha ha ha! Sorry, I'm still stuck on the notion that Wilbur is a popular writer with a loyal fan base!
But, MAJOR QUESTION: Will Dawn be permitted to take her GAME OF THRONES DVD, scratched as it is, through customs at the SR airport? Perhaps she will demand to see it on the in flight movie setup on the plane.
Oh I forgot. Santa Royale Airlines only uses Betamax as their preferred movie format. They just dumped the Bell and Howell 8mm.
Dear Wendy, I seem to be forced by colorists to only wear purple clothes. The artist won't give me a pony tail which seems to be a necessity for positive things to happen. Sometimes I even lose an arm for a day (and sometimes I have an extra one). My teddy bear disappeared. All our doors in our apartment have numbers on them for no reason. All the inconsistencies and strangeness lately has made me confused and depressed. Life is brutal. Can you help me? P.S. I don't want to fly any more kites.
@meg, I'm not sure whether to congratulate you on the insights or offer my sympathies for the part of you lost to such insights.
@askdave: In response to your ambiguous comment, I can only quote the world's foremost authority, Professor Irwin Corey:
"Quab nay."
(Sunday): Now "Bossman the Magician has made a desk blotter magically appear!. Is there NO continuity checking going on? If the're going to continually alter reality - couldn't they have done something with Wilbur's striped tie / checked jacket ensemble?
Wilbur's necktie looks like a king snake to me.
(Sunday) My wife pointed out that Bossman has windows on both side of his office, meaning his office is either on a bridge or in a building that is 10 feet wide.
Now wait just a doggone minute!
Yesterday, Wilbur seemed to agree with his editor that he was asking for "practically the whole summer" off to fly kites in Italy with Dawn (or whatever he intends to do there.) Today he asks Mary if she'd like to write the column "for a few weeks".
What kind of trick is he trying to play?
Post a Comment