Mary sits in a Santa Royale Police Department interview room, trying to identify the con man who swindled her. She carefully studies each face in the mug shot book while Lieutenant Muldoon stands by to assist.
‘Take your time, Mrs. Wertz.’ ‘Worth. Oh, this could be him!’ ‘No, that’s actor Ted Danson.’
‘This one looks familiar.’ ‘No, that’s former Senator John Kerry.’
‘Maybe him...’ ‘No, that’s Sam Elliott.’
‘This one, I think.’ ‘Steve Martin.’
‘?’ ‘Richard Gere.’
‘?’ ‘Robert Mueller.’
‘This one?” ‘The Most Interesting Man in the World.’ ‘Well, not to me he isn’t.’
‘Mrs. Worth, are you sure you even know what “Ted Miller” looks like?’ ‘Ted Miller? Why didn’t you say so? He drove me down here right after we stopped at the bank!’
Basically, Ted's pitch is, "You give me your recipe and then give me a lot of money, and we'll get rich." Nah, there's nothing suspicious about that at all.
BTW, since muffins are notoriously crumby, shouldn't they be holding a plate under them as they eat? Or is Mary cultivating an ant farm in her love seat?
Finally, that was clever how you brought the narrative back to Wilbur, Wanders. Good on you.
The black things in the muffins are sunflower seeds. When you throw stale muffins out the door, the seeds are an extra treat for the birds.
Note the monogrammed napkins - you can read "MW" no matter which way you turn them! They look like paper rather than fine linen though.
"Ted Miller" is actually a grifter Jeff has hired for Jeff's elaborate revenge scheme against Mary. He's fed up with being emasculated by Mary all these years. When Mary loses all her money and becomes destitute and homeless, Jeff will laugh in her face and fly to Bogotá to live with his girlfriend, Fabiana.
Now I see why Mary has never taken the next step with Dr. Jeff! While his friend goes on and on about "handling Mary's muffins" he just sits there passively eating. What kind of man are you Dr. Jeff??
Haven't we already seen this plot? Mary and a partner baking themselves into a tizzy. Wasn't it John Dill and his pink cake of pleasure? And didn't that end with him making inappropriate advances at Mary in front of an impressionable Olive (and her tummy brain)? I can't wait to see what happens next! Bring on the rib roast!
Mary really needs an "As Seen on TV" infomercial, and Ted looks JUST like the guy to set it up! Thanks, everyone for making a dull Saturday much funnier!
13 comments:
I wonder what took the man out of sales? A civil lawsuit or a federal grand jury?
Aunt June is getting lazy. She's used he same Ted Miller face three days in a row.
Six months later...
Mary sits in a Santa Royale Police Department interview room, trying to identify the con man who swindled her.
She carefully studies each face in the mug shot book while Lieutenant Muldoon stands by to assist.
‘Take your time, Mrs. Wertz.’
‘Worth. Oh, this could be him!’
‘No, that’s actor Ted Danson.’
‘This one looks familiar.’
‘No, that’s former Senator John Kerry.’
‘Maybe him...’
‘No, that’s Sam Elliott.’
‘This one, I think.’
‘Steve Martin.’
‘?’
‘Richard Gere.’
‘?’
‘Robert Mueller.’
‘This one?”
‘The Most Interesting Man in the World.’
‘Well, not to me he isn’t.’
‘Mrs. Worth, are you sure you even know what “Ted Miller” looks like?’
‘Ted Miller? Why didn’t you say so? He drove me down here right after we stopped at the bank!’
Basically, Ted's pitch is, "You give me your recipe and then give me a lot of money, and we'll get rich." Nah, there's nothing suspicious about that at all.
BTW, since muffins are notoriously crumby, shouldn't they be holding a plate under them as they eat? Or is Mary cultivating an ant farm in her love seat?
Finally, that was clever how you brought the narrative back to Wilbur, Wanders. Good on you.
-- Scottie McW.
@RW-P
Ted apparently has facial paralysis.
-- S. McW.
Is this Groundhog Day?
Today's Boldface Haiku is titled
"If It Sounds Too Good To Be True, Then It Probably Came From Ted Miller".
Muffin business. A lot!
Other people! Initial investment: mint!
Man, sales.
The black things in the muffins are sunflower seeds. When you throw stale muffins out the door, the seeds are an extra treat for the birds.
Note the monogrammed napkins - you can read "MW" no matter which way you turn them! They look like paper rather than fine linen though.
"Ted Miller" is actually a grifter Jeff has hired for Jeff's elaborate revenge scheme against Mary. He's fed up with being emasculated by Mary all these years. When Mary loses all her money and becomes destitute and homeless, Jeff will laugh in her face and fly to Bogotá to live with his girlfriend, Fabiana.
I can't figure out the bite Jeff has taken from his muffin. Did he hold it sideways, or just jam his nose into it?
Now I see why Mary has never taken the next step with Dr. Jeff! While his friend goes on and on about "handling Mary's muffins" he just sits there passively eating. What kind of man are you Dr. Jeff??
Haven't we already seen this plot? Mary and a partner baking themselves into a tizzy. Wasn't it John Dill and his pink cake of pleasure? And didn't that end with him making inappropriate advances at Mary in front of an impressionable Olive (and her tummy brain)? I can't wait to see what happens next! Bring on the rib roast!
I bet Ted has dozens of failed businesses behind him and a large garage full of multi-level marketing products.
If Mary goes for this, she's dumber than Wilbur.
Mary really needs an "As Seen on TV" infomercial, and Ted looks JUST like the guy to set it up! Thanks, everyone for making a dull Saturday much funnier!
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