Mary: Oh, Toby, how could you ever think that Ian is having an affair? Toby: I know...he’s incapable of disloyalty. Mary: Don’t be ridiculous. He dumped his first wife for you, and you’re getting pretty long in the tooth now. No, Ian is just so disgustingly unattractive and lazy, I just can’t see it. Toby: But he seems so distracted and distant. Mary: Oh, he’s probably still sulking that you burned that horrible hairy green sports jacket of his. Toby: Yes, he was attached to it. Mary: We were all afraid it was attached to him! The thing reeked, Toby. Mr. Allora almost called the EPA when you chucked it in the incinerator. Toby: So you don’t think I have anything to worry about? Mary: You have plenty to worry about, Toby, but not Ian having an affair.
A Brief Aside: I just have to say that Panel Two contains one of my Most Hated Punctuation Bugaboos. It drives me absolutely NUTS when someone sticks a question mark at the end of an "I wonder" statement.
@Nance, I love today’s BH title!! Also, I share your disdain for ending an “I wonder” statement with a question mark - arrrgghh!! That being said, I picture Toby as the type of person who makes every statement sound like a question.
@fauxprof, your dialogue is hilarious - huzzah!
“Toby, do you REALLY think that? Ian may simply be developing dementia.”
Nance: At least the inappropriate question mark isn't as common as the inexplicable apostrophe people use to make simple plural form's (sic) these days.
She’s got free time on her hands, (all she ever does is sit and gossip with Mary) why doesn’t she stalk Ian like Wilbur did Iris? Better still ask him, you dummy.
Amen to the grammar comments! Love the image of Ian's astroturf coat smoldering in the incinerator, festooned with burrs he picked up while striding through the gloaming, Mr. Allora frowning over the respirator he had to don in order to approach the conflagration.
Toby, I think you CAN worry about every student "who pays attention to Ian". I'm pretty sure there aren't that many who do. Hmmm, Mary sounds a little sarcastic here. Wonder if her advice gig is getting a little old (after 80+ years)...
Oh man, the first two posts today (fauxprof and nance) just killed me. Hilarious.
I'm guessing Toby's next line will be, "I can't ask him about it. It will make me seem weak. You can never appear weak in a marriage or you will lose, and I must win!" Ok, maybe not exactly that, but you get the gist.
At least Mary didn't repeat that wrong, old saw about sharks having to keep moving or they die, and so marriages blah, blah, blah. According to the American Museum of Natural History, Mary is still incorrect in her comment, though. Sharks have to keep moving to avoid falling to the bottom of the water column. They are one of the few fish who can survive easily in "deeper waters" AND at the surface. Maybe Mary is trying to tell Toby to get moving and adapt already, or SHE will be on the bottom of the water column. That Jannie looks pretty buoyant.
Sunday @LouiseF, thank you for researching sharks for us. You spent a lot more time on this than Mary (or KM) did.
So is Toby saying that if she was secure in her Shark Marriage, it would be all right if Ian was having an affair? I'm confused. Also, Toby dear, you already look like a fool. You have no friends other than a 115-year-old [my number might be off, but you get the point] insufferable busybody and have no life apart from your pretentious, easily manipulated husband. You even appear to have abandoned your so-called "art work." Maybe you should book a stay at Pax Wellness Center and begin reviewing past interactions.
Ooh, in addition to "bright," Jannie is now "charming." Coming soon: Sharknado Marriage!
@KitKat, I'm confused too. I mean, @LouiseF, do sharks even wear old socks? Anyway, after Ian is fired for sexual harassment and Toby leaves him because of his almost affair, maybe Mary can cheer him up with a little karaoke. He can sing this to the tune of "Danny Boy."
Oh Jannie girl, Director Berkes’ been calling He wants to know what’s going on with you The semester’s gone and still your grades keep falling ‘Tis you have failed; ‘tis I must say ado
But come ye back when summer school’s in session A girl so bright and likeable should pass As for me, I’ll need a new profession And Mary Worth will say that I’m an a$$
Oh Jannie why could you not keep your promise ‘Twas more than just a wink you knew would earn a B I told you right up front that I am not monogamous But we’d need to keep that just ‘tween you and me
Why did you go to Berkes complaining #metoo? All hope of tenure gone; you knew it must so be My good intentions certainly you misconstrue Oh well, at least this might rid me of damn Toby.
Ach, but that ballad warms me heart, just like wee Jannie’s sultry wink!
Now for the Charterstone Jukebox, in honor of our marriage I’d like tae dedicate tae Toby “Join Up” by the short-lived Seattle rock band Sharks Keep Moving.
I'm also eager to see what folks have written here, but on days like today I can hardly wait to see what the buzz is. I would have loved to hear Wanders's take on it. "Marriages are like sharks" is easily the stupidest analogy I have ever heard. (Hm, I guess that's a simile, isn't it. I used to know.) Marriages are like sharks, because as soon as one spouse smells blood in the water, they start circling for the kill? Maybe that's what Toby thinks, which is why she's so afraid to show weakness.
And OMG I want to shake Ian so hard. What is is problem? She didn't turn in the &%$@$% assignment! She winked at you! You don't give grades based on personality! Arrggghh.....
Anyway, I think their marriage is pretty solid, because they are clearly meant for each other.
Thank you Dr. Cameron and lmjb1964 - I appreciate the compliments! And the fact that neither of you mentioned that I used "ado" instead of "adieu" - oops!
24 comments:
Mary: Oh, Toby, how could you ever think that Ian is having an affair?
Toby: I know...he’s incapable of disloyalty.
Mary: Don’t be ridiculous. He dumped his first wife for you, and you’re getting pretty long in the tooth now. No, Ian is just so disgustingly unattractive and lazy, I just can’t see it.
Toby: But he seems so distracted and distant.
Mary: Oh, he’s probably still sulking that you burned that horrible hairy green sports jacket of his.
Toby: Yes, he was attached to it.
Mary: We were all afraid it was attached to him! The thing reeked, Toby. Mr. Allora almost called the EPA when you chucked it in the incinerator.
Toby: So you don’t think I have anything to worry about?
Mary: You have plenty to worry about, Toby, but not Ian having an affair.
Today's Boldface Haiku is titled
"I Suppose It's Possible; Look At Camilla Parker Bowles, For Example".
Matter?
Distracted...elsewhere.
Affair?
Really?
A Brief Aside: I just have to say that Panel Two contains one of my Most Hated Punctuation Bugaboos. It drives me absolutely NUTS when someone sticks a question mark at the end of an "I wonder" statement.
Oh goodie, an encore presentation of Toby blabbing her insecurities to Mary!
@Nance: I agree wholeheartedly.
-- Scottie McW.
@Nance, I love today’s BH title!! Also, I share your disdain for ending an “I wonder” statement with a question mark - arrrgghh!! That being said, I picture Toby as the type of person who makes every statement sound like a question.
@fauxprof, your dialogue is hilarious - huzzah!
“Toby, do you REALLY think that? Ian may simply be developing dementia.”
Nance: At least the inappropriate question mark isn't as common as the inexplicable apostrophe people use to make simple plural form's (sic) these days.
Boy, and I thought Wilbur was needy.
She’s got free time on her hands, (all she ever does is sit and gossip with Mary) why doesn’t she stalk Ian like Wilbur did Iris? Better still ask him, you dummy.
I hope they pass by Bella's grave, just to remind Toby of the good times.
@Sandi Ego:
Bella Lugosi's dead?!
Amen to the grammar comments! Love the image of Ian's astroturf coat smoldering in the incinerator, festooned with burrs he picked up while striding through the gloaming, Mr. Allora frowning over the respirator he had to don in order to approach the conflagration.
Blah blah blah. If Mary and Toby can easily chat like this, this is no power walk.
I wish they'd get to some good stuff, like Mary recommending that Toby hire a private detective to tail Ian.
Toby, I think you CAN worry about every student "who pays attention to Ian". I'm pretty sure there aren't that many who do. Hmmm, Mary sounds a little sarcastic here. Wonder if her advice gig is getting a little old (after 80+ years)...
Oh man, the first two posts today (fauxprof and nance) just killed me. Hilarious.
I'm guessing Toby's next line will be, "I can't ask him about it. It will make me seem weak. You can never appear weak in a marriage or you will lose, and I must win!" Ok, maybe not exactly that, but you get the gist.
Mary: When in doubt about your spouse's fidelity, simply have an affair and tell him about it. Asking is losing, telling is winning.
At least Mary didn't repeat that wrong, old saw about sharks having to keep moving or they die, and so marriages blah, blah, blah. According to the American Museum of Natural History, Mary is still incorrect in her comment, though. Sharks have to keep moving to avoid falling to the bottom of the water column. They are one of the few fish who can survive easily in "deeper waters" AND at the surface. Maybe Mary is trying to tell Toby to get moving and adapt already, or SHE will be on the bottom of the water column. That Jannie looks pretty buoyant.
Marriages are like sharks?????!!!!! Holy moley, that might be the dumbest thing that woman has ever said. I nearly LOLed when I read that.
Uh, Toby, here's a crazy idea: Ask Ian what's bothering him. Radical, I know.
-- S. McW.
Sunday
@LouiseF, thank you for researching sharks for us. You spent a lot more time on this than Mary (or KM) did.
So is Toby saying that if she was secure in her Shark Marriage, it would be all right if Ian was having an affair? I'm confused. Also, Toby dear, you already look like a fool. You have no friends other than a 115-year-old [my number might be off, but you get the point] insufferable busybody and have no life apart from your pretentious, easily manipulated husband. You even appear to have abandoned your so-called "art work." Maybe you should book a stay at Pax Wellness Center and begin reviewing past interactions.
Ooh, in addition to "bright," Jannie is now "charming." Coming soon: Sharknado Marriage!
@KitKat, I'm confused too. I mean, @LouiseF, do sharks even wear old socks? Anyway, after Ian is fired for sexual harassment and Toby leaves him because of his almost affair, maybe Mary can cheer him up with a little karaoke. He can sing this to the tune of "Danny Boy."
Oh Jannie girl, Director Berkes’ been calling
He wants to know what’s going on with you
The semester’s gone and still your grades keep falling
‘Tis you have failed; ‘tis I must say ado
But come ye back when summer school’s in session
A girl so bright and likeable should pass
As for me, I’ll need a new profession
And Mary Worth will say that I’m an a$$
Oh Jannie why could you not keep your promise
‘Twas more than just a wink you knew would earn a B
I told you right up front that I am not monogamous
But we’d need to keep that just ‘tween you and me
Why did you go to Berkes complaining #metoo?
All hope of tenure gone; you knew it must so be
My good intentions certainly you misconstrue
Oh well, at least this might rid me of damn Toby.
Ach, but that ballad warms me heart, just like wee Jannie’s sultry wink!
Now for the Charterstone Jukebox, in honor of our marriage I’d like tae dedicate tae Toby “Join Up” by the short-lived Seattle rock band Sharks Keep Moving.
https://open.spotify.com/artist/38hp3PhbHSAWkd80AE4xKV?nd=1
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharks_Keep_Moving
Anonymous, those lyrics are priceless.
I'm also eager to see what folks have written here, but on days like today I can hardly wait to see what the buzz is. I would have loved to hear Wanders's take on it. "Marriages are like sharks" is easily the stupidest analogy I have ever heard. (Hm, I guess that's a simile, isn't it. I used to know.) Marriages are like sharks, because as soon as one spouse smells blood in the water, they start circling for the kill? Maybe that's what Toby thinks, which is why she's so afraid to show weakness.
And OMG I want to shake Ian so hard. What is is problem? She didn't turn in the &%$@$% assignment! She winked at you! You don't give grades based on personality! Arrggghh.....
Anyway, I think their marriage is pretty solid, because they are clearly meant for each other.
Thank you Dr. Cameron and lmjb1964 - I appreciate the compliments! And the fact that neither of you mentioned that I used "ado" instead of "adieu" - oops!
I confess that I don't know who Miriam Margoyles is. Acknowledging that, her putative aphorism is wrong.
Marriages are like sharks. Their populations are under pressure as a result of over-fishing.
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