"I am willing to say anything, and hand you this expensive, fragile, living animal to take home, right now, no questions asked, just to get you out of here."
18 comments:
Vince
said...
Buddy, you've got some work to do--no, actually, you have a lot of work to do--before you should even start thinking about bringing an innocent dog into your miserable, completely self-centered life. That's what she should be saying.
Today’s secret message reminded me of the chorus of Chubby Checker’s Limbo Song: “How low can you go?” There’s no bottom to Wilbur’s awfulness.
@HelenClark, good one!
Wilbur’s quest for self-improvement will be tested when he realizes that he has to clean up after a dog. It’s a fair bet that Wilbur will be careless about that since he’s acquiring a dog for all the wrong reasons. I hope the dog wets Wilbur’s bed, chews every polo shirt, and drops Wilbur’s glasses in the trash.
From what I read about French bull dogs, it's almost tragic that KM decided to push this breed at Wilbur, who only admits to wanting a dog for "self-improvement". Also, Ms. Animal Shelter needs to be fired, since she doesn't seem to have that sixth sense that should tell her to usher Wilbur not-all-that-politely to the door, sans chien. She has the power (and the responsibility!) to say no to someone of his ilk.
Bill the Butcher- I am so relieved that we will return to "Dogs are good"! I have been having extreme anxiety attacks over this issue. Now I can relax, sleep more soundly, and cut back on my drinking. You have provided a true public service.
Does North American Syndicate, who distributes Mary Worth, employ editors? Doubtful, but if so they are amazingly lax in their jobs. I would think 753 separate word balloons regaling that "dogs are good" would be enough for one decade. Apparently not. Maybe the limit is 1500 separate word balloons. If so, strap on those seatbelts ... it's a dog's life!
Wait! No one told my adolescent dog that she's supposed to be calming. She's noisy, active, and wants to chew, sniff, run around, and dig whenever she's awake.
Now, I wanted an active dog to hike with so I'm happy with her, but she would drive a lot of people nuts.
I used to volunteer at a shelter, and always made sure people were suited to the dog they wanted. French Bulldogs are friendly, but they sometimes need expensive vet care (i.e. for breathing problems), they overheat easily, and they need their teeth brushed daily and their skin folds cleaned. Some random pervert who wanted a dog to meet women would be shown the door, rather than a dog with specific maintenance needs.
Dogs can be relaxing when they're sleeping or feeling cuddly. They're more relaxing when they're well trained, which Wilbur does not have the skills to do. Picking up the dog and locking them in the bedroom every time he finds them annoying is not the way to train an animal. Wilbur shouldn't even have a goldfish.
THURSDAY This is the WORST animal shelter in the country.
Pierre? Is Wilbur vaguely remembering Chef Pierre, and the food association sealed the deal? @HelenClark’s suggestion of “Hugo” was way, way better.
That dog is not tranquil, he’s filled with dread. We all are. The only thing that would make this scenario worse is if Wilbur hits on Ms. Ponytail and asks if she likes barbecue.
Yikes. KitKat,I can imagine Wilbur thinking, "she likes dogs. I like dogs. Maybe it's worth a try." All I can say is "Argh!", and it's not even Talk Like a Pirate Day..
Pierre is the French equivalent of Peter, which means rock. Is this grey dog going to grey rock Wilbur? To "grey rock" someone is to give a toxic person the minimal response sans emotion. Is Moy that clever?
I don’t trust Miss Ponytail for a minute. Wilbur will ask her if she needs his contact info. No, not necessary. A phone number? Nope. Well, how about references. She will laugh in his face. As he takes the dog and turns to leave, she will say something about the $200 adoption fee. Of course, it must be in cash. Third panel: the original Animal Shelter volunteer tied up and gagged in the back room. Fourth panel: Drew attending to Miss Ponytail’s animal dermatitis at clinic.
18 comments:
Buddy, you've got some work to do--no, actually, you have a lot of work to do--before you should even start thinking about bringing an innocent dog into your miserable, completely self-centered life. That's what she should be saying.
Will he name the dog, Hugo?
HelenClark
Today’s secret message reminded me of the chorus of Chubby Checker’s Limbo Song: “How low can you go?” There’s no bottom to Wilbur’s awfulness.
@HelenClark, good one!
Wilbur’s quest for self-improvement will be tested when he realizes that he has to clean up after a dog. It’s a fair bet that Wilbur will be careless about that since he’s acquiring a dog for all the wrong reasons. I hope the dog wets Wilbur’s bed, chews every polo shirt, and drops Wilbur’s glasses in the trash.
The dog does not seem enthusiastic about this. He probably doesn’t like the mayonnaise smell that never leaves Wilbur’s clammy hands.
Are you ready for another four to six weeks of Dogs Are Good?
Excellent! Because we're headed for another four to six weeks of Dogs Are Good.
From what I read about French bull dogs, it's almost tragic that KM decided to push this breed at Wilbur, who only admits to wanting a dog for "self-improvement". Also, Ms. Animal Shelter needs to be fired, since she doesn't seem to have that sixth sense that should tell her to usher Wilbur not-all-that-politely to the door, sans chien. She has the power (and the responsibility!) to say no to someone of his ilk.
Bill the Butcher- I am so relieved that we will return to "Dogs are good"! I have been having extreme anxiety attacks over this issue. Now I can relax, sleep more soundly, and cut back on my drinking.
You have provided a true public service.
This is my quest /
My life I will fix /
By owning this doggie /
A magnet for chicks.
I'll walk through the park /
And parade him around /
And if that doesn't work /
It's back to the pound.
-- The Man of La Pauncha
-- Scottie McW.
@Scottie McW., that could be the next production of the Santa Royale Not Ready for the Stage Ever Players. Huzzah to your lyric composition!
Does North American Syndicate, who distributes Mary Worth, employ editors? Doubtful, but if so they are amazingly lax in their jobs. I would think 753 separate word balloons regaling that "dogs are good" would be enough for one decade. Apparently not. Maybe the limit is 1500 separate word balloons. If so, strap on those seatbelts ... it's a dog's life!
Wait! No one told my adolescent dog that she's supposed to be calming. She's noisy, active, and wants to chew, sniff, run around, and dig whenever she's awake.
Now, I wanted an active dog to hike with so I'm happy with her, but she would drive a lot of people nuts.
I used to volunteer at a shelter, and always made sure people were suited to the dog they wanted. French Bulldogs are friendly, but they sometimes need expensive vet care (i.e. for breathing problems), they overheat easily, and they need their teeth brushed daily and their skin folds cleaned. Some random pervert who wanted a dog to meet women would be shown the door, rather than a dog with specific maintenance needs.
I'd suggest Wilbur's quest for self improvement should begin at a bookstore. There's lots of books.
Dogs can be relaxing when they're sleeping or feeling cuddly. They're more relaxing when they're well trained, which Wilbur does not have the skills to do. Picking up the dog and locking them in the bedroom every time he finds them annoying is not the way to train an animal. Wilbur shouldn't even have a goldfish.
Yay, Scottie McW!!!!
THURSDAY
This is the WORST animal shelter in the country.
Pierre? Is Wilbur vaguely remembering Chef Pierre, and the food association sealed the deal? @HelenClark’s suggestion of “Hugo” was way, way better.
That dog is not tranquil, he’s filled with dread. We all are. The only thing that would make this scenario worse is if Wilbur hits on Ms. Ponytail and asks if she likes barbecue.
Yikes. KitKat,I can imagine Wilbur thinking, "she likes dogs. I like dogs. Maybe it's worth a try." All I can say is "Argh!", and it's not even Talk Like a Pirate Day..
Pierre is the French equivalent of Peter, which means rock. Is this grey dog going to grey rock Wilbur? To "grey rock" someone is to give a toxic person the minimal response sans emotion. Is Moy that clever?
I don’t trust Miss Ponytail for a minute. Wilbur will ask her if she needs his contact info. No, not necessary. A phone number? Nope. Well, how about references. She will laugh in his face. As he takes the dog and turns to leave, she will say something about the $200 adoption fee. Of course, it must be in cash. Third panel: the original Animal Shelter volunteer tied up and gagged in the back room. Fourth panel: Drew attending to Miss Ponytail’s animal dermatitis at clinic.
HelenClark
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