fauxprof - Maybe Max muscled his way into Mary's kitchen and scampered off with the turkey a la the movie "A Christmas Story". I can picture Jeff and the rest at a Chinese restaurant, staring at a goose with its head still attached.
Merry Christmas to all who are still showing up here. Like everyone else, I'm still hoping for Wanders return in the New Year.
Through the brilliant scientific advance that is AI, the voice in Keith’s head now belongs to a middle school girl:
“Sonia really likes Brad…I wonder if Kitty likes me?…OMG, I hope so!…Don’t tell anyone, but I don’t like Sonia’s cooking…She thinks she’s so cool, but she’s not…Wonder why Brad always wears that stupid knit hat? …Maybe Kitty and Sonia would like me more if I wore one…No, Mom always says, Keithy, your red hair is your crowning glory- (whatever that is, haha)…Think I’ll try to get tickets to the Taylor Swift concert at the Santa Royale Dome…haha, as if my allowance will cover it!…Hmmm, almost home, should I stop at McRonald’s for some actual FOOD?…Go for it, girl- and get an extra large order of fries with no Soylent red OR green…”
@MissScarlet: Keith knows that speed kills, so he always drives at a safe 15 mph. Yeah, it takes him a while to get anywhere, but it's not like he has anything else to do.
Who is also lunching at All Beef? Could it be Wilbur? (Best case scenario). Could it be Mary? (Worst case scenario). Could it be Bradhat, hatless? (Most likely scenario). Or is it Greta, Max, and Pierre, all by themselves? (Who let the dogs out?)
My son once had a dog who escaped out the back door, trotted into town, walked into a pizza joint and ate the leftovers off several tables before he was shooed out. When he got outside, a taxi driver recognized him, let him into the cab and gave him a ride home. Nelson was a dog who knew how to have an evening out in style!
meg - I'm pretty sure you're right and we'll find BradHat at All Beef. But what would make it even better is if he were the owner slinging triple-beef cheeseburgers to half the Santa Royale Police Dept. sitting at the counter.
Keith would make for a bad after-shave commercial: "This man knows what he wants and how to get it. He won't compromise on what's important to him. This is a MachoHunk man! Find MachoHunk at your favorite full-service gas station."
Scottie’s MachoHunk commercial and meg’s story about Nelson have thrown me into hysterics, in the very best of ways. Hail hail MW & Me commenters!
I immediately thought of BradHat scarfing down burgers at All Beef but he doesn’t strike me as a guy who has reliable transportation at hand. It took Keith 12 hours to get home from Kitty’s, so it doesn’t seem likely that BradHat would be there too. However, maybe he wanted to go someplace where Sonia and/or Kitty would be unlikely to show up. If BradHat has a car, I figure it’s one sporting many dents and with electrical tape holding the bumper up, a la Jared’s vehicle.
At All Beef, the green stuff on the burger is textured beef waste.
@Meg, it would be wonderful to see K Self-Control Hillend dramatically bust Bradhat, who is found crouched and slavering over a platter of bleeding steak tartare. Or Sonia, who will collapse weeping in daddy’s arms and confess she just can’t fight the system anymore if it means giving up beef and root beer.
Sadly he is probably just going to run into Kitty Fabar again;they will commiserate over some Real Deal burgers then get married and vanish by New Years.
@Ian Cameron - you are probably correct that they will vanish by New Years. But let's not forget this is the Worthiverse so it will be at least New Year's 2025
A marine and a former police officer. And the first thing Keith thinks is: "I spy with my widdle eye" ??? Someone tell me that KM isn't a complete (inappropriate word).
@Meg, masterfully prognosticated! Sadly no mountain of steak tartare but it’s close. Let’s hope Keith takes plenty of irrefutably incriminating carnivorous footage with his flip phone. (It doesn’t matter, a weeping Sonia will just accuse him of a deepfake conspiracy against her beloved Brad).
@hmmm and Meg, you both called it! I must admit, I didn't think it would be Brad (because as KitKat pointed out) I couldn't imagine how he would get to Santa Royale. But here he is. And apparently talking to someone who knows that he is misleading Sonia (the kid?). So what is his angle? Maybe MachoHunk Keith isn't so wrong after all. BradHat really is after Kitty. I shouldn't be surprised really. I've been saying all along that she seems a little light upstairs. Figures she wouldn't realize he was just trying to get closer to her. This will really cheese off Sonia (even though it has to be vegan cheese, of course).
Congratulations to all who predicted said "meeting"! Could it be that BradHat is talking to Kitty on the phone while wolfing down that all beef burger and fries cooked in lard? The jig is up!
I think Kitty has money. She was able to survive as a single parent while moving ahead in a career. She has a nice house, her daughter is in college…I think Brad is a grifter. Keith! To the Rescue!
Let's see, Musclehead will report his findings to Kitty, and maybe Sonia, but she/they will say he just made it up because he's jealous or he hates Brad or something, and she/they will get mad at him all over again. I would enjoy that.
Not sure how or when Mary will stick her nose into all this, but it's only a matter of time, eh friends?
Ex-police officer Keith better fall back on his training and start collecting some irrefutable evidence to prove that BradHat was not only there but was also eating a beef burger 'cause Sonia isn't going to believe his eyewitness testimony alone.
Since Keith has obviously regressed to childish thoughts (I spy...) maybe his actions will follow. I think he'll "pants" BradHat when he gets up to go to the men's room.
Yes, I agree with all astute posters, Macho Keith needs to collect proof before he engages with BradHat. BH is very capable of lying his way out of any of Keith's accusations. Unless KM wants to wrap this up by NY day? Nah.
Keith, in his infinite wisdom, knows there is only one answer to his dilemma: Go talk to Mary Worth about what to do. But first, go through the drive-in and grab a Bag o’ Grease to tide him over until Mary brings out the muffins.
When worlds collide: It’s WILBUR!! “Another year to get things RIGHT is just around the corner, so I’m eating this ginormous package of grease, fat, sodium chloride, and unnamed preservatives TODAY, haha!”
BradHat, you should have eaten your burger instead of inhaling the fries. Now the big bad man stole all your all-beef slop, ya bid faker.
Proximity to Keith has taken the err, starch, out of BradHat’s fry. Is this a metaphor for something else of BradHat’s going squishy?
Kudos to June today! I give her total credit for not only bringing back Wilbur for a cameo appearance, but for the metaphor of Brad's limp French fry! There's no way that KM came up with either. I'm guessing her only contribution today was Keith's "ya big faker." Again, a rather puerile declaration coming from a big, burly marine and ex-cop.
Ah, New Year’s Eve! Another year to make things right is just around the corner (and what better way to do that than stealing hamburgers). From Wilbur’s presence I’m guessing this sudden surge of Auld Lang Syne spirit will also involve another stalking attempt on Estelle.
Well, what a nice New Year's present! Keith jumps right in and deflates BradHat's "ego". Now we'll see if Keith can continue to intimidate BH or if he will need to man-up Mary Worth's assistance. I can't believe it, but I'm genuinely interested to see what will happen.
Surely Wilbur is going to play a role in the next part of the story….Or was that just a little joke like Alfred Hitchcock’s cameos in his own films? Although the Wilbur - Keith bromance would be something to behold! C’mon, Moy, show us what you got!
Bingo, fauxprof. Mary and Jeff continue to sport their washed-out, depressing hues into the new year as they cruise the Santa Royale Triangle, where no other humans ever venture. What a snoozer for New Year’s Day, especially when we were primed for the All-Beef Smackdown with special guest Wilbur.
Happy New Year, Worthiverse companions! The past year threw us a gigantic curve ball with the retirement of Wanders, but we’re managing to keep calm and snark on, one day at a time.
All things bright and beautiful. ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL…Talk me down, somebody…I fear a return of the ‘dogs are great’ propaganda. Please, no more Saul and Eve or their mutts…..I promise to be very good.
Happy New Year to all MW Snarkers! You are all wonderful and make me laugh every day.
I feel that I should point out that while the weather in Santa Royale is beautiful today, small craft warnings have been in effect for about 5 days now because of dangerously high surf (20 foot waves have washed away cars!). I don't see anything looming the the Royale Triangle right now, but a rogue wave could happen at any moment!
So BradHat has enlisted in the Greenpeace Army and will never see Sonia or Kitty again? Sure, we all believe that. Who’d have thought that Keith eating BH’s burger would have such far-reaching results. Maybe BH will actually move to Goleta.
Stand by for Keith consoling Sonia in a sudden fatherly mode, then making googoo eyes at Kitty.
"And now Sonia wants to run away and join him! What in the world is going on? What could have possibly caused all this? Boy, if I ever find out who's responsible for this, that someone is going to pay and pay dearly!"
I should have known better, but I was looking forward to a beat-down of Bradhat, or at least a bit more about what he was up to. Once again, Moy does not disappoint. Happy New Year one and all.
I gotta say, I never thought this plot would move along so quickly. Is Moy bored? Gearing up for a Wilbur New Year? I would feel sorry for Greenpeace, but I doubt seriously that BradHat really joined up - or that they would even take him.
Sniff! Call me an old softie sentimentalist, but I was warmly touched by Keith’s pleased smile in today’s panel 2. Or call me a cynical liar, the choice is yours.
Since this plot has taken an absurdist turn, I'm wondering what happens when Keith runs into Wilbur at the Charterstone mailboxes and Wilbur enlists him in a weekly karaoke session after hearing him singing in the car. Perhaps they can make a singing commercial for a local hamburger chain restaurant. All seems more plausible than Keith and Kitty getting back together.
“Put your phone away when I’m speaking to you, young lady, and get your shoes off the sofa! Let’s see your bed so I can inspect how well you made it - I’m going to bounce a quarter off it!”
I'm still not getting the need for Keith to make an emergency trip over to Kitty's. With gas costing what it must in California, that trip to Taft must be pretty expensive. And Kitty is acting like there's some emergency purpose she has for his presence. I like hmmmm's thought about moving the refrigeratorIt's a sure bet that Sonia's no help...
So, OK, Kitty was worried after MachoKeith stormed off and now she's relieved that he's willing to see her again. And no surprise that Sonia is ticked off. She may even (rightfully) suspect that Keith had something to do with BradHat's abrupt departure. So now we get to see how Keith will manage to win over his sullen daughter. Maybe they will be burglarized? Robbed at gunpoint? Threatened in some way and MachoKeith will come to the rescue.
I don't know...that's pretty exciting. So probably not. Isn't it time for Mary to save the day?
Suddenly, a knock at Kitty’s door. Kitty answers, Yes? How may I help you?
Oh, dear, you’re so kind to ask! I’d love a cup of tea. And I hope you’ll be interested in purchasing a dozen home-baked muffins. I’m selling them to help Saint Biddius of Crone kindergarten class, and these are the last ones left. I could let you have them at a discount, and then I wouldn’t have to carry them all the way back…Why, Keith! What a coincidence to see you here!
Keith, (gruffly), Hello, Newman, er Mary. What brings you here?
Mary: Two cross county buses, one Lyft, and my own two sturdily-clad feet. (And the Spytec GL300 tracking device which I attached to your car.) Since you’re here, perhaps you can give me a ride back to Charterstone? I’d like to get back in time to see Late Celebrity Jeopardy, featuring Rodney Dangerfield- so funny!- and Joan Crawford- she’s not very nice, but…
Keith: Okay, Mary, let’s go, see you tomorrow, Kitty, Sonia…
Kitty: We’re both washing our hair then.
Mary: How about those muffins?
Kitty: Why don’t you just put them somewhere convenient?
Sonia: Way to go, Mom! Can you drop me off at the Mall…Dad?
MissScarlet, Keith picking up a guitar and singing to impress Sonia was probably the next thing on your mind after “robbed at gunpoint.” Stand by for a heartfelt rendition of the Mike Douglas hit “The Men in My Little Girl’s Life” (sniff!). Sonia will be won over, and she and Keith will bond like Crazy Glue. Or maybe Gorilla Glue….
meg, you won the Internets yesterday with Spytec GL300 and Joan Crawford, and in the same paragraph to boot!
Keith tries to suppress a giggle as he sings an old Paul Simon favorite:
"Just slip out the back, Jack / Make a new plan, Stan / No need to be coy, Roy / Just get yourself free / Hop on the bus, Gus / Drop off the key, Lee / No need to feel bad, Brad / Just get yourself free . . ."
"No disrespect to Sidney Lanier, but [i]piffle[/i], I say. In truth, music is a word in search of love. Or is it, a word is love in search of music? I can never remember. But whatever, see? I can be just as banally pretentious as he is." -- Lanier Sidney
Don’t be so hard on yourself, Scottie. The sight of Keith singing Wonder and Sonia recognizing the song discombobulated all of us. To add insult to injury, KM reprised it today - argh.
I'm a little concerned that Keith is trying to figure things out here by himself. If he keeps up this problem-solving, Mary will have nothing to contribute. I suspect something improbable is about to go wrong here, however. Keith inadvertently chooses a song that triggers some bad memory for Sonia, and she runs sobbing from the room so he can retreat to Fort Charterstone and consult with his relationship guru (Mary Worth)about How to Deal with Sensitive Young Women. I can't wait!
Hi all - Formerly "Thorpnotized" here. I used to follow this blog a number of years ago. I don't remember why I got away from it, but I would check the comments here from time to time. The current emphasis on Stevie Wonder music in MW brought me back here today, as I have always been a big fan. I was shocked to see that Wanders had left! It happened about the time when I had surgery for prostate cancer last year. I was looking for some snarkiness from the faithful commenters. I see comments are still being made, but I was wondering if anyone here would be interested in starting/joining a Mary-Worth-and-Me type group in Facebook. Interested parties can let me know here and I'll create a dedicated email and post it here to get the ball rolling.
On Friday, Keith said he's always wanted to be a guitarist, implying that he was not one. But now he's banging out tunes? Odd.
Well, at least he's holding it more or less correctly and not like everybody there holds a phone.
-- Scottie
P.S. Hello, Thorpnotized, and welcome back. I'm not on Facebook, and I'm happy with my drive-by comments on this blog being the extent of my MW involvement, so I'll decline.
Hi, Thorpnotized. I’m active on Facebook, and your proposal is interesting. I’m FB friends with another frequent commenter, and I would like to interact with more of our group.
You would all be welcome in the FB group "Readers of the Comics Curmudgeon" also. It's an active group with lots of good snark and MW and other strips.
Hello Thorpnotized. I wouldn't presume to speak for anyone but myself, but I will agree with Scottie that as long as this blog is still around, I'm all set. Personally, I'm not a big fan of Facebook. Plus, I often see evidence here that some of us at least spend some time now commenting over at The Comics Curmudgeon, Comics Kingdom or both. Finally, I think something we old diehards might agree on is that Mary Worth and Me was 1% commenters and 99% Wanders. Without Wanders' brilliance, his incredible, archival memory, and his uproarious take on this painfully dull strip, there really would be no chance of even coming close to replicating what we found here on his blog.
Thorpnotized, I have to agree with hmmm and Scottie. I do not do Facebook, so I would prefer to stay with the blog as long as Wanders leaves it open. I do not post often, but I do read daily. Thanks for the offer.
Now, just a dern minute! It sounds as though Kitty’s becoming pregnant was of the ‘slam, bam, thank you ma’am’ sort. When was there time for her to make Keith a fan of Stevie Wonder? Did she whistle ‘Go Home’ as he walked out the door?
“I just called / to say / I leave you…” — that’s a home run, Scottie!
I wonder if Stevie Wonder’s ears have been burning lately, or if he’s been feeling nauseated for an unknown reason. Today we find out that Keith has an SW songbook at home, and that Sonia thinks he plays well. By the end of the week, it’ll be a happy family, singing and strumming their way into Worthiverse oblivion. Keith will disappear from Charterstone and Mary will have a chance at harassing some other person. (BTW, if Charterstone is a condo community, how can people come and go so easily?)
I am on Facebook but I limit my usage, so I will hang on here as long as this blog is available. Welcome back, Thorpnotized! it’s good to have you back.
Tomorrow: Mary sees Keith whistling at the mailboxes and invites him in for muffins and camaraderie. Kitty stops by and sees Keith with Mary Worth and gets jealous.
Jeez! I was not suggesting anyone should abandon this blog or that a Facebook group could ever come close to replacing it. Sorry I brought it up. Bye, y'all.
meg! a snorting-coffee-through-my-nose comment! Hilarious. Considering how malleable the women of the Worthiverse appear to be, it's no wonder Sonia rebounded so quickly from the departure of Bradhat. The only male character who doesn't appear to be scheming to get something from the women of Charterstone is Mr. Allora, although Ian Cameron is pretty ham-handed at it...
Sonia is quite the pushover, yes? I wonder if Keith dropped something in her rootbeer. That would be terrible, and not really allowed in the Worthiverse. But it's fine for women to be wishy-washy, brainless wonders.
meg: thank you for that green mental picture.
Anonymous: thanks for pointing that out. I wonder why he got so upset.
Scottie, I anticipate an All Beef dinner too, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Sonia dives right in. Her convictions seem to be loosey-goosey. The Stevie Wonder effect has tempered her antipathy toward “the man,” and I’m thinking her veganism is fly by night too.
The festive dinner at home will be a perfect time for Keith to mention how prudent it is for him to get a paternity test before he starts throwing cash at Sonia. Just kidding! We all know that KM’s mind doesn’t work that way; she’s all for romantic happy and sappy endings.
I too am wondering if Sonia will join them for dinner. Maybe a big side salad?
My nephew, who has been vegan for many years, has pointed out that "the occasional vegan" is catching on as a less strict way to ease into a plant-based diet. Mark Bittman even has a cookbook, 'Vegan Before Six' which means you only eat meat for dinner (occasionally).
It would be a scream if Keith’s mustache would stick under Kitty’s schnoz when they stop smooching. It would be even funnier if neither of them noticed and they walk into Food Team like that. (I bet June would love to draw that.)
If Kitty and Keith decide to tie the knot, they can do it in style in Cleveland! The Music Box Supper Club, a terrific venue, is presenting a Stevie Wonder tribute on Friday, January 26: https://musicboxcle.com/event/stevie-wonder-night-jan26/
The next day, the lovebirds can continue the celebration by touring the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. What a way to start off their long-delayed married life. January in Cleveland - nothing can top that!
KitKat's absolutely right. Today's invigorating 5-degree temperature here (6 if you can find a place in the sun) might freeze your fingertips, but don't get uptight, everything is alright when you're living for the city.
I’m about 20 miles south of Cleveland, where the temperature has soared to a balmy 15 degrees…
What really interests me is that Keith is expecting to find a happy future at the supermarket. Is this just a California thing, or can I put it on my next Instacart order at Giant Eagle?
Wonderful comments, everyone! And thanks for the notice about the Stevie Wonder tribute night at the Music Box in Cleveland, KitKat. I forget sometimes that we have a NE Ohio contingency on this blog. Good to remember there is a real world outside the Worthiverse. I am intrigued to see Mary looking up, a pose I don't think I've see her hold in the past. Perhaps JB is getting ready to illustrate several characters gazing skyward at the full eclipse that will be happening April 8. Best place to view it will be, yes, Cleveland! But maybe Santa Royale will get some of the shade...
[Mary thought balloon] "Hmmm, singing and playing an instrument, two more things that Jeff doesn't care about. I need some excitement in my life. Maybe I'll show Keithy Weithy that there's still some fire in this old hearth of mine. I'll invite him over for some hearty tuna and broccoli casserole and see where my feminine wiles may lead us. . . . [sings] Isn't he lovely . . ."
LouiseF, Dave from Parma was a regular contributor to MW & Me many years back. I don't recall if he was around before you signed on to our merry snark machine. And yes, the eclipse, happening just as the Guardians' home opener begins! Maybe that will attract Mary. She hasn't traveled in years. "Hello, Ken Kensington, you handsome devil! It's me, Mary! Mary WORTH: W as in wombat, o as in octopus, r as in rabble rouser, t as in tomatillo, and h as in hacienda. Remember our adventure in the Big Apple, when you rescued me from the Central Park Troll? Such fun! Would you like to meet me in Cleveland for the eclipse in April? We can have a weekend to remember!"
I don’t know but I wouldn’t be so happy (as Mary) to live in a building with such poor construction that you could hear someone singing and playing music outside. Doesn’t her complex have a noise ordinance?
I still think Keith is undercover, his personality change is unbelievable
Tomorrow: "Hello Keith! You sounded so happy when I heard you singing and playing your guitar yesterday that I decided to visit you to catch up. I brought my basket with me; muffins, banana bread, or me [Mary bats her eyelashes]?"
I don't know. Looks like Mary has been standing in front of the building so long, her celery has turned brown. Either that or she's shopping at the day-old produce counter again.
I was worried yesterday that Mary's milk container would squash whatever was under it in the bag. No worries. This milk will be soured by the time Mary gets to her apartment at this rate.
Of course Mary can't imagine finding out about surprise progeny at midlife. She isn't that imaginative, except for making muffins that look suspiciously like they have a face. And such a tidy cook! No muffin batter splashed around that bowl...
Well, the Comic Curmudgeon points out that Mary believes you can change the past by thinking about it differently. So, normally that phrase "children that I know of" only applies to men, but maybe Mary just doesn't remember having had a daughter.
On the other hand, maybe her late husband, Jack, had a little surprise package eons ago. As KitKat points out, she would be several generations on by now.
What if dear Jack’s belated woodscolt (from his hot-blooded private secretary) shows up demanding his/her share of Jack’s life insurance proceeds which have kept Mary “comfortable” for more than 90 years? Could we please have a long drawn-out courtroom battle over the cash? I’d pay to see Mary being cross-examined by well-known attorney Gracie Nance.
Ooh, meg, that courtroom battle would be fantabulous, which means that KM wouldn't touch that plot with a 100-ft pole.
Scottie, you're right on with Mary's large inventory of oven mitts. The pair she's using today is not yesterday's pair. Does she throw them away after using them (tsk tsk)? She also ditched her apron between yesterday and today's strips.
"I just hope for his sake it works out for him!" Oh come on, Mary. We know you're hoping for a gigantic family trauma so you can comfort Keith with tea, sympathy, and inedible (and possibly sickness inducing) muffins.
We've been 'treated' to extensive muffin baking for days now. I'm guessing that Moy made MLK day last a week. Too bad June couldn't keep up the continuity.
Tiny fork- I wondered why it took Mary (or Moy)so long to think of DNA testing. Could that be the next development? What am I thinking? The cold must be getting to me.
Chekhov: I salute both you and your eponymous gun!
And I agree that is a big fat clue! But if she’s not Keith’s kid, who’s her daddy? And what’s Kitty’s game? Can’t wait until Labor Day when we may get some resolution.
I figured Mary would knock on Keith's door with a giant basket o' muffins, not a takeout plastic plate and cover with only a half dozen. What did she do with the remaining dozens she was furiously baking?
"Everything brings something GOOD, no matter how things seem." Really, Mary? So, continuing with the DNA testing idea, Keith finds out that he is not Sonia's father and that Kitty has been trying to scam him; the good part of that is despite his happy family dream being crushed, he continues to be Mary's neighbor and she dumps disgusting baked goods on him weekly. That's good, right?
I wish we could have been reading Mary's real thoughts this week, instead of a plot re-cap and platitudes.
'Hmm..I'll bake some muffins and take them over to Keith so I can pump him for details on his so-called daughter. I wonder how many muffins I'll need to give me time to suggest DNA testing...Hmmmm....'
"Well, he's a pretty big guy. I'll probably need about eight dozen to get him warmed up. . . . Hope he doesn't have to spend too much time in the bathroom."
“My muffins are always a hit…people tend to slap them out of my hands when I offer them some.”
Not only bacon and cheddar muffins, they’re homemade, as opposed to from the local gas station. Mary has figured out that the way to Keith’s heart is through high-fat, nitrate-laden food. Stand by for her all-beef muffins.
Oooh, raw bacon and cheddar muffins. That’s savory, all right. Keith may not make it to Kitty’s today. I hope he has some Imodium of Kaopectate on hand. Maybe both.
What’s in the muffins? Store brand bacon. Cooked? Of course, silly man, it cooks in the oven when I bake the muffins!
And what kind of cheese? Store brand collage cheese. So that’s why they’re white-ish instead of yellowish? Yes, all cheese is the same color in the dark.
You made these in the dark? It’s an old Charterstone tradition. And what are the crusty dark bits? Well, I’m not really sure, because it was dark. If I used the flour from Food Team, it’s probably weevils. If I used the flour from Rowlph’s, it’s probably roaches.
Keith: ROWLPH…ROWLPH…ROWLPH… MARY: Sorry you’re not feeling well. I’ll come back when you’re better. Ta’.
@meg: no, you had it right the first time. Mary thriftily cobbles together all the leftover cheese remnants in her fridge—a little cheddar there, the last bit of Brie, a forgotten mozzarella string cheese—she calls it “collage cheese”. And what if there’s a touch of mold here and there? Isn’t cheese a kind of mold, anyway?
My daughter wasn't interested in having a relationship with me early on, but a couple days passed, we had dinner and I played a song on a guitar and we're all good now. Hey, wanna watch me crush this muffin?
Keith might have been less enthusiastic about Stevie Wonder if he ever heard the song "Front Line", a song he did in 1982 that protested the results of serving in Vietnam. And thank you, meg for "collage cheese". I will never look at cottage cheese the same way. I love fauxprof's idea that spruces up boring cottage cheese!
Yes, Sonia was uptight, but now she's alright. We can work it out. Shoo-Bee-Doo-Bee-Doo-Da-Day. Thank heavens for Stevie Wonder.
Funny fact: it's not uncommon for pubs in the UK to blend left over cheeses together and serve them as a bar snack spread. Collage would be a perfect name.
"I can be your family, Keith. Let me be your family. Hold that muffin over your plate, dear, you're getting crumbs all over. See, wasn't that familyish? You look like you could use a hug. Lord knows I could. Hold me, Keith."
Ok, OK, We get that Keith's been living under a rock or maybe serving a military tour in the Antarctic for the past 20 years. I'm not sure what else could explain his surprise over getting to interact with other humans. It may be the influence of that great humanitarian, Mary Worth.
Scottie, I hope you’re onto something with your love- struck Mary idea. We’ve never seen Mary plying Jeff with muffins. I fact, the only time we’ve seen Jeff in Mary’s home is the obligatory Thanksgiving dinner with the Weston’s and Camerons.
“I usually drive over to Taft…or they come here.” Just how much time has passed? We haven’t seen Kitty and Sonia visiting Keith. I can’t believe Mary’s Meddle Sense wouldn’t prompt her to drop in for THAT. And, what’s the distance between Santa Royale and Taft?
"Ahem, Keith, I feel obligated to remind you that we do not countenance living in sin here at Charterstone. Duly married couples in the eyes of God only. I hope you heed this advice. Others have learned the hard way."
Move to Taft, Keith. Kitty has an actual house, not a one-bedroom condo. You can manage without the raw bacon/cheddar muffins. Even Sonia’s vegan experiments would be better. So, do us all a favor, move away because you may be the most boring Worthiverse character of all time, and you’re going up against Saul and Eve and their dogs.
I thought this would be the moment for Mary to tell Keith about the vacant 2-bedroom just coming available in Charterstone. But Keith is too boring even for Mary. It's off to Taft for him.
Taft to Goleta is 117 miles. We know that Santa Royale is next to Goleta, so that is probably a close estimate.
Aristotle scores back-to-back quote-box honors! The crowning achievement of his life and legacy!
I wonder how warm and fuzzy the three of them are going to feel when Kitty and Sonia find out what really happened to BradHat. I'm guessing they will not be amused.
Ye gods, this has got to be one of the most excruciating couch-based victory laps ever. It’s got everything; muffins, lavender upholstery, platitudes, and a repetitive summary of the last three repetitive summaries. I feel like we’re in some particularly hellish version of the Allegory of the Cave.
I see even June is climbing the walls at this point; she’s playfully aligned Keith’s obligatory “THANKS, Mary!” at the precise center of her lampshade. In reality Mary has installed a Sonos speaker there which loudly intones this at regular intervals.
Are we done here? If so, thanks so much, Keith. Need help packing? Mr. Allora will be right over. We’ll miss you, especially if the next story features Wilbur.
Just when all of us are hoping and praying that this is the end of the Saga of Kitty, Keith, and Mr. Wonder, a stomach-turning thought arises: Keith has not yet profusely thanked Mary for all her help in saving him from his lonely bachelor life. A victory lap is incomplete without the victim groveling at Mary’s feet!
So today my newspaper chain has decided to discontinue Mary Worth and Me. Now I can break my addiction of checking a comic that everyday I find is growing more and more boring. Be well everyone
Sure... Nothing at all creepy about a 20-year-old sitting in a cramped condo with her mother and the father that she met just a few weeks ago, singing a song about her conception. Yup, I can totally see how realistic this is.
As hmmm and fauxprof remarked, the word of the day (and probably the week) is “creepy.” KM has an extremely peculiar idea of romance — ughhhhh. Maybe tomorrow we’ll see a smiling Mary outdoors, gazing up at Keith’s window and patting herself on the back.
Per Judi’s remark above, I wonder what newspaper chain gave MW the boot. Fraught times for newspapers and related media (sigh)….
At least JB gets the thrill of drawing not one but TWO guitars, both apparently acoustic. And they've been doing so many Stevie Wonder songs, I'm thinking he will be wanting residuals soon...
Yeah, KM, we get it already! Now how about you send Sonny and Cher here out on tour for a couple months and the rest of us can all move on to something else.
Well, honestly, it might not have been "love" at that time, 20 years ago. Right?
@Judi: I haven't seen a newspaper carry MW in years and no newspapers carry Mary Worth and Me. Check out Comics Kingdom for all the Mary Worth you'll ever want. We will be here if you decide to return, for as long as Wanders lets us stay.
My paper (which I read online) is part of the USA TODAY network, on January 29th they decided to revamp the entire comics pages, dropping some and bringing back old favorites that have been out of print for years. Not sure who made the decision but Mary Worth was among five that got the boot.
3,350 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1001 – 1200 of 3350 Newer› Newest»fauxprof - Maybe Max muscled his way into Mary's kitchen and scampered off with the turkey a la the movie "A Christmas Story". I can picture Jeff and the rest at a Chinese restaurant, staring at a goose with its head still attached.
Merry Christmas to all who are still showing up here. Like everyone else, I'm still hoping for Wanders return in the New Year.
Chester the Dog: you win my own personal internet today with your ‘Mothership’ comment. What a story that would be!
Chester the Dog, your comment was inspired! Hahahaha…!!!
Keith left Kitty’s place in the dark, and he’s still driving home in broad daylight. How far is Santa Royale from Taft?
Through the brilliant scientific advance that is AI, the voice in Keith’s head now belongs to a middle school girl:
“Sonia really likes Brad…I wonder if Kitty likes me?…OMG, I hope so!…Don’t tell anyone, but I don’t like Sonia’s cooking…She thinks she’s so cool, but she’s not…Wonder why Brad always wears that stupid knit hat? …Maybe Kitty and Sonia would like me more if I wore one…No, Mom always says, Keithy, your red hair is your crowning glory- (whatever that is, haha)…Think I’ll try to get tickets to the Taylor Swift concert at the Santa Royale Dome…haha, as if my allowance will cover it!…Hmmm, almost home, should I stop at McRonald’s for some actual FOOD?…Go for it, girl- and get an extra large order of fries with no Soylent red OR green…”
Note from Elon Musk to the voice in Keith’s head:
‘Teen girls say tee hee, not ha ha.’
meg- That is brilliant. I even heard it in the annoying middle school girl voice. I think you may have found the essence of Keith.
Thunderheels: A box of complimentary muffins will arrive in your email box soon, the Mary’s Dozen collection includes eleven muffins.
Say, when was that dinner? Noon? Keith is driving home in broad daylight. Pretty sure that sundown in Santa Royale was about 4:55pm yesterday.
@MissScarlet: Keith knows that speed kills, so he always drives at a safe 15 mph. Yeah, it takes him a while to get anywhere, but it's not like he has anything else to do.
-- Scottie
Who is also lunching at All Beef? Could it be Wilbur? (Best case scenario). Could it be Mary? (Worst case scenario). Could it be Bradhat, hatless? (Most likely scenario). Or is it Greta, Max, and Pierre, all by themselves? (Who let the dogs out?)
My son once had a dog who escaped out the back door, trotted into town, walked into a pizza joint and ate the leftovers off several tables before he was shooed out. When he got outside, a taxi driver recognized him, let him into the cab and gave him a ride home. Nelson was a dog who knew how to have an evening out in style!
meg - I'm pretty sure you're right and we'll find BradHat at All Beef. But what would make it even better is if he were the owner slinging triple-beef cheeseburgers to half the Santa Royale Police Dept. sitting at the counter.
Keith would make for a bad after-shave commercial: "This man knows what he wants and how to get it. He won't compromise on what's important to him. This is a MachoHunk man! Find MachoHunk at your favorite full-service gas station."
-- Scottie
Scottie’s MachoHunk commercial and meg’s story about Nelson have thrown me into hysterics, in the very best of ways. Hail hail MW & Me commenters!
I immediately thought of BradHat scarfing down burgers at All Beef but he doesn’t strike me as a guy who has reliable transportation at hand. It took Keith 12 hours to get home from Kitty’s, so it doesn’t seem likely that BradHat would be there too. However, maybe he wanted to go someplace where Sonia and/or Kitty would be unlikely to show up. If BradHat has a car, I figure it’s one sporting many dents and with electrical tape holding the bumper up, a la Jared’s vehicle.
At All Beef, the green stuff on the burger is textured beef waste.
@Meg, it would be wonderful to see K Self-Control Hillend dramatically bust Bradhat, who is found crouched and slavering over a platter of bleeding steak tartare. Or Sonia, who will collapse weeping in daddy’s arms and confess she just can’t fight the system anymore if it means giving up beef and root beer.
Sadly he is probably just going to run into Kitty Fabar again;they will commiserate over some Real Deal burgers then get married and vanish by New Years.
@Ian Cameron - you are probably correct that they will vanish by New Years. But let's not forget this is the Worthiverse so it will be at least New Year's 2025
@meg-- Ha haaaa, you called it!
I'd love to see Keith sit down at Brad's table and say, "Well, well, well . . ."
-- Scottie
A marine and a former police officer. And the first thing Keith thinks is: "I spy with my widdle eye" ??? Someone tell me that KM isn't a complete (inappropriate word).
@Meg, masterfully prognosticated! Sadly no mountain of steak tartare but it’s close. Let’s hope Keith takes plenty of irrefutably incriminating carnivorous footage with his flip phone. (It doesn’t matter, a weeping Sonia will just accuse him of a deepfake conspiracy against her beloved Brad).
@hmmm and Meg, you both called it! I must admit, I didn't think it would be Brad (because as KitKat pointed out) I couldn't imagine how he would get to Santa Royale. But here he is. And apparently talking to someone who knows that he is misleading Sonia (the kid?). So what is his angle? Maybe MachoHunk Keith isn't so wrong after all. BradHat really is after Kitty. I shouldn't be surprised really. I've been saying all along that she seems a little light upstairs. Figures she wouldn't realize he was just trying to get closer to her. This will really cheese off Sonia (even though it has to be vegan cheese, of course).
Congratulations to all who predicted said "meeting"! Could it be that BradHat is talking to Kitty on the phone while wolfing down that all beef burger and fries cooked in lard? The jig is up!
BradHat will regret talking on the phone while eating. “Of all the burger joints in all the towns in all the world, he walks into mine.”
It’s a mystery why BradHat is attracted to Kitty, a seeming dim bulb. Then again, that could be the attraction.
Ha haaaa, KitKat! Nice Bogey quote there!
-- Scottie
I think Kitty has money. She was able to survive as a single parent while moving ahead in a career. She has a nice house, her daughter is in college…I think Brad is a grifter. Keith! To the Rescue!
It’s not eavesdropping if you’re standing right behind the speaker, ready to assault him.
BradHat may end up with his all-beef burger shoved under his knit hat.
Thanks, Scottie!
Let's see, Musclehead will report his findings to Kitty, and maybe Sonia, but she/they will say he just made it up because he's jealous or he hates Brad or something, and she/they will get mad at him all over again. I would enjoy that.
Not sure how or when Mary will stick her nose into all this, but it's only a matter of time, eh friends?
-- Scottie
@Meg might be right, BradHat may be after Kitty's money. Or, perhaps they are both so stupid that they are MFEO.
(Just watched Sleepless in Seattle. Love that movie).
Ex-police officer Keith better fall back on his training and start collecting some irrefutable evidence to prove that BradHat was not only there but was also eating a beef burger 'cause Sonia isn't going to believe his eyewitness testimony alone.
Keith, pull out your phone and start filming!
Since Keith has obviously regressed to childish thoughts (I spy...) maybe his actions will follow. I think he'll "pants" BradHat when he gets up to go to the men's room.
Sheesh, at this pace, even the snails are pleading, "Come on, already, get the lead out!"
-- Scottie
Yes, I agree with all astute posters, Macho Keith needs to collect proof before he engages with BradHat. BH is very capable of lying his way out of any of Keith's accusations. Unless KM wants to wrap this up by NY day? Nah.
Keith, in his infinite wisdom, knows there is only one answer to his dilemma: Go talk to Mary Worth about what to do. But first, go through the drive-in and grab a Bag o’ Grease to tide him over until Mary brings out the muffins.
We’re rootin’ for ya, Keith!
When worlds collide: It’s WILBUR!! “Another year to get things RIGHT is just around the corner, so I’m eating this ginormous package of grease, fat, sodium chloride, and unnamed preservatives TODAY, haha!”
BradHat, you should have eaten your burger instead of inhaling the fries. Now the big bad man stole all your all-beef slop, ya bid faker.
Proximity to Keith has taken the err, starch, out of BradHat’s fry. Is this a metaphor for something else of BradHat’s going squishy?
big, not bid…
Kudos to June today! I give her total credit for not only bringing back Wilbur for a cameo appearance, but for the metaphor of Brad's limp French fry! There's no way that KM came up with either. I'm guessing her only contribution today was Keith's "ya big faker." Again, a rather puerile declaration coming from a big, burly marine and ex-cop.
Ah, New Year’s Eve! Another year to make things right is just around the corner (and what better way to do that than stealing hamburgers). From Wilbur’s presence I’m guessing this sudden surge of Auld Lang Syne spirit will also involve another stalking attempt on Estelle.
Shades of “I drink your milkshake “ from There Will be Blood movie. “I eat your burger.”
"Get in good with the mom", why? Does Kitty have a lot of money or something that I missed?
Well, what a nice New Year's present! Keith jumps right in and deflates BradHat's "ego". Now we'll see if Keith can continue to intimidate BH or if he will need to man-up Mary Worth's assistance. I can't believe it, but I'm genuinely interested to see what will happen.
Surely Wilbur is going to play a role in the next part of the story….Or was that just a little joke like Alfred Hitchcock’s cameos in his own films? Although the Wilbur - Keith bromance would be something to behold! C’mon, Moy, show us what you got!
“All things bright and beautiful”…as long as it’s purple and puce and gray-violet, maybe with a touch of eggplant for contrast.
Happy New Year, friends! Long may we snark together.
We ought to do New Year's resolutions for some of the cast members. I'll start off:
On New Year's Day, Jeff brims with optimism. "THIS is the year! THIS. IS. THE. YEAR!"
Meanwhile, Wilbur wakes up in a puddle of vomit and vows never to drink again. Again.
-- Scottie
Bingo, fauxprof. Mary and Jeff continue to sport their washed-out, depressing hues into the new year as they cruise the Santa Royale Triangle, where no other humans ever venture. What a snoozer for New Year’s Day, especially when we were primed for the All-Beef Smackdown with special guest Wilbur.
Happy New Year, Worthiverse companions! The past year threw us a gigantic curve ball with the retirement of Wanders, but we’re managing to keep calm and snark on, one day at a time.
Happy New Year one and all. May the snark be with us!
All things bright and beautiful. ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL…Talk me down, somebody…I fear a return of the ‘dogs are great’ propaganda. Please, no more Saul and Eve or their mutts…..I promise to be very good.
Happy New Year to all MW Snarkers! You are all wonderful and make me laugh every day.
I feel that I should point out that while the weather in Santa Royale is beautiful today, small craft warnings have been in effect for about 5 days now because of dangerously high surf (20 foot waves have washed away cars!). I don't see anything looming the the Royale Triangle right now, but a rogue wave could happen at any moment!
Happy New Year indeed! And may the wily pen of KM quickly dispatch that beanie-wearing schmuck, Brad.
So BradHat has enlisted in the Greenpeace Army and will never see Sonia or Kitty again? Sure, we all believe that. Who’d have thought that Keith eating BH’s burger would have such far-reaching results. Maybe BH will actually move to Goleta.
Stand by for Keith consoling Sonia in a sudden fatherly mode, then making googoo eyes at Kitty.
"And now Sonia wants to run away and join him! What in the world is going on? What could have possibly caused all this? Boy, if I ever find out who's responsible for this, that someone is going to pay and pay dearly!"
"[gulp]"
-- Scottie
Sonia will build a shrine to BradHat in the garden complete with a crude statue, flowers, and feeders to attract birds, squirrels, and rats.
Whew! This plot is moving at lightning speed. I expect wedding bells between Keith and Kitty by the weekend.
Happy New Year, everyone!
What a ride we're on lately. I'd say more but I'll be volunteering with Greenpeace as one does.
I should have known better, but I was looking forward to a beat-down of Bradhat, or at least a bit more about what he was up to.
Once again, Moy does not disappoint.
Happy New Year one and all.
I gotta say, I never thought this plot would move along so quickly. Is Moy bored? Gearing up for a Wilbur New Year? I would feel sorry for Greenpeace, but I doubt seriously that BradHat really joined up - or that they would even take him.
Sniff! Call me an old softie sentimentalist, but I was warmly touched by Keith’s pleased smile in today’s panel 2. Or call me a cynical liar, the choice is yours.
"For once unafraid"??? "Somehow I know I'll be strong"???
What, has Keith been faking his macho act all along?
This story line is so odd.
-- Scottie
BradHat’s the one who needs to mull over “For Once in My Life.” All it took was Keith eating his burger to make him flee in terror.
Keith might want to seriously think over joining up with Kitty and Sonia. He ‘s not exactly keen on Sonia’s meal preparation.
Is volunteering with Greenpeace like enlisting in the French Foreign Legion?
Since this plot has taken an absurdist turn, I'm wondering what happens when Keith runs into Wilbur at the Charterstone mailboxes and Wilbur enlists him in a weekly karaoke session after hearing him singing in the car. Perhaps they can make a singing commercial for a local hamburger chain restaurant. All seems more plausible than Keith and Kitty getting back together.
I’ll be there for the karaoke as long as they’re both wearing white tie, tails, and top hats, “Puttin’ on the Ritz”.
I think we have a more definitive answer as to why Keith drives so slowly between Charterstone and Taft. He's driving off road over hill and dale.
Settle down, Keith, settle down. Kitty started her spring cleaning and needs someone to pull out the refrigerator. Since BradHat's not around...
“Put your phone away when I’m speaking to you, young lady, and get your shoes off the sofa! Let’s see your bed so I can inspect how well you made it - I’m going to bounce a quarter off it!”
Maybe Keith can belt out another Stevie Wonder song to turn Sonia's frown upside down - how about "That's What Friends Are For".
I'm still not getting the need for Keith to make an emergency trip over to Kitty's. With gas costing what it must in California, that trip to Taft must be pretty expensive. And Kitty is acting like there's some emergency purpose she has for his presence. I like hmmmm's thought about moving the refrigeratorIt's a sure bet that Sonia's no help...
So, OK, Kitty was worried after MachoKeith stormed off and now she's relieved that he's willing to see her again. And no surprise that Sonia is ticked off. She may even (rightfully) suspect that Keith had something to do with BradHat's abrupt departure. So now we get to see how Keith will manage to win over his sullen daughter. Maybe they will be burglarized? Robbed at gunpoint? Threatened in some way and MachoKeith will come to the rescue.
I don't know...that's pretty exciting. So probably not. Isn't it time for Mary to save the day?
Suddenly, a knock at Kitty’s door. Kitty answers, Yes? How may I help you?
Oh, dear, you’re so kind to ask! I’d love a cup of tea. And I hope you’ll be interested in purchasing a dozen home-baked muffins. I’m selling them to help Saint Biddius of Crone kindergarten class, and these are the last ones left. I could let you have them at a discount, and then I wouldn’t have to carry them all the way back…Why, Keith! What a coincidence to see you here!
Keith, (gruffly), Hello, Newman, er Mary. What brings you here?
Mary: Two cross county buses, one Lyft, and my own two sturdily-clad feet. (And the Spytec GL300 tracking device which I attached to your car.) Since you’re here, perhaps you can give me a ride back to Charterstone? I’d like to get back in time to see Late Celebrity Jeopardy, featuring Rodney Dangerfield- so funny!- and Joan Crawford- she’s not very nice, but…
Keith: Okay, Mary, let’s go, see you tomorrow, Kitty, Sonia…
Kitty: We’re both washing our hair then.
Mary: How about those muffins?
Kitty: Why don’t you just put them somewhere convenient?
Sonia: Way to go, Mom! Can you drop me off at the Mall…Dad?
Let the victory lap begin.
MissScarlet, Keith picking up a guitar and singing to impress Sonia was probably the next thing on your mind after “robbed at gunpoint.” Stand by for a heartfelt rendition of the Mike Douglas hit “The Men in My Little Girl’s Life” (sniff!). Sonia will be won over, and she and Keith will bond like Crazy Glue. Or maybe Gorilla Glue….
meg, you won the Internets yesterday with Spytec GL300 and Joan Crawford, and in the same paragraph to boot!
Sonia: Oh yeah? You know how to play 'Hit the Road Jack'?
Keith picks up the guitar. As he's strumming its strings, he begins to softly sing, "From the halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli . . ."
Sonia rips the instrument from his hands and goes all Blutarski on it.
-- Scottie
Oh, my! Laughing Out Loud this morning! You are all hilarious!
Next up: The new singing sensation: the duo Hillend and Fabar!
(Yes, I did have to look up the last names).
Later this year...
"Live from Folson Prison!"
Keith tries to suppress a giggle as he sings an old Paul Simon favorite:
"Just slip out the back, Jack /
Make a new plan, Stan /
No need to be coy, Roy /
Just get yourself free /
Hop on the bus, Gus /
Drop off the key, Lee /
No need to feel bad, Brad /
Just get yourself free . . ."
-- Scottie
Good selection, Scottie!
Somehow between yesterday’s and today’s installments, Sonia had hairstyling and makeup done. Does her phone have an app for that?
No offense to Stevie Wonder, but how many 20-year-olds are fans of him currently?
Alternate quote box:
"No disrespect to Sidney Lanier, but [i]piffle[/i], I say. In truth, music is a word in search of love. Or is it, a word is love in search of music? I can never remember. But whatever, see? I can be just as banally pretentious as he is." -- Lanier Sidney
-- Scottie
piffle, that is.
I messed up the tags, even thought they're clearly spelled out right below the comment box. Idiot.
-- Anonymous
Actual dialog from Sonia: Who is Stevie Wonder?
Don’t be so hard on yourself, Scottie. The sight of Keith singing Wonder and Sonia recognizing the song discombobulated all of us. To add insult to injury, KM reprised it today - argh.
Haha, this rates right up there with "Gram liked colors".
I'm a little concerned that Keith is trying to figure things out here by himself. If he keeps up this problem-solving, Mary will have nothing to contribute. I suspect something improbable is about to go wrong here, however. Keith inadvertently chooses a song that triggers some bad memory for Sonia, and she runs sobbing from the room so he can retreat to Fort Charterstone and consult with his relationship guru (Mary Worth)about How to Deal with Sensitive Young Women. I can't wait!
We know that Mary Worth land is seldom realistic, but this stretches even the most ardent fans' beliefs.
Sonia discovers that it's possible to be a drill sergeant and a music lover! Who knew?
Such an obscure Wonder song too. He could have played "Master Blaster Jammin"
Hi all - Formerly "Thorpnotized" here. I used to follow this blog a number of years ago. I don't remember why I got away from it, but I would check the comments here from time to time. The current emphasis on Stevie Wonder music in MW brought me back here today, as I have always been a big fan. I was shocked to see that Wanders had left! It happened about the time when I had surgery for prostate cancer last year. I was looking for some snarkiness from the faithful commenters. I see comments are still being made, but I was wondering if anyone here would be interested in starting/joining a Mary-Worth-and-Me type group in Facebook. Interested parties can let me know here and I'll create a dedicated email and post it here to get the ball rolling.
Awww, Stevie has melted Sonia's heart.
On Friday, Keith said he's always wanted to be a guitarist, implying that he was not one. But now he's banging out tunes? Odd.
Well, at least he's holding it more or less correctly and not like everybody there holds a phone.
-- Scottie
P.S. Hello, Thorpnotized, and welcome back. I'm not on Facebook, and I'm happy with my drive-by comments on this blog being the extent of my MW involvement, so I'll decline.
Hi, Thorpnotized. I’m active on Facebook, and your proposal is interesting. I’m FB friends with another frequent commenter, and I would like to interact with more of our group.
You would all be welcome in the FB group "Readers of the Comics Curmudgeon" also. It's an active group with lots of good snark and MW and other strips.
Hello Thorpnotized. I wouldn't presume to speak for anyone but myself, but I will agree with Scottie that as long as this blog is still around, I'm all set. Personally, I'm not a big fan of Facebook. Plus, I often see evidence here that some of us at least spend some time now commenting over at The Comics Curmudgeon, Comics Kingdom or both. Finally, I think something we old diehards might agree on is that Mary Worth and Me was 1% commenters and 99% Wanders. Without Wanders' brilliance, his incredible, archival memory, and his uproarious take on this painfully dull strip, there really would be no chance of even coming close to replicating what we found here on his blog.
That Kitty! Next we learn that she has been moonlighting as a PR hack for Stevie Wonder for decades.
Thorpnotized,
I have to agree with hmmm and Scottie. I do not do Facebook, so I would prefer to stay with the blog as long as Wanders leaves it open. I do not post often, but I do read daily.
Thanks for the offer.
We are family...the family that Wonders together...is happily ever after?
Thorpnotized, I'm not on Facebook either and will continue to post here for as long as Wanders allows.
Now, just a dern minute! It sounds as though Kitty’s becoming pregnant was of the ‘slam, bam, thank you ma’am’ sort. When was there time for her to make Keith a fan of Stevie Wonder? Did she whistle ‘Go Home’ as he walked out the door?
@meg
The last Kitty heard from Keith, he was singing over the phone, "I just called / to say / I leave you . . ."
-- Scottie
Scottie! And I heard Stevie sing that in person and never thought of it!
“I just called / to say / I leave you…” — that’s a home run, Scottie!
I wonder if Stevie Wonder’s ears have been burning lately, or if he’s been feeling nauseated for an unknown reason. Today we find out that Keith has an SW songbook at home, and that Sonia thinks he plays well. By the end of the week, it’ll be a happy family, singing and strumming their way into Worthiverse oblivion. Keith will disappear from Charterstone and Mary will have a chance at harassing some other person. (BTW, if Charterstone is a condo community, how can people come and go so easily?)
I am on Facebook but I limit my usage, so I will hang on here as long as this blog is available. Welcome back, Thorpnotized! it’s good to have you back.
Nice one, Scottie! Too funny!
Tomorrow: Mary sees Keith whistling at the mailboxes and invites him in for muffins and camaraderie. Kitty stops by and sees Keith with Mary Worth and gets jealous.
Thanks, all!
Meanwhile, in his cheap hotel room, a seething Brad tries to plot his revenge. But even he thinks all his ideas are stupid.
-- Scottie
Sonia actually gave Keith a complement! So, it was BradHat's fault all along. Oh, dear...what will happen to Greenpeace now?
Jeez! I was not suggesting anyone should abandon this blog or that a Facebook group could ever come close to replacing it. Sorry I brought it up. Bye, y'all.
Re: Thorpnotized
I was afraid he would take that the wrong way. That's not what we meant at all.
Ah well.
Not only is that not what we meant, that's not what anybody said, or even implied.
Sheesh.
Wait- isn’t Greenpiece what’s left of Mary’s holiday ham?
"What are you studying, Sonia?"
"Antifa. I thinking of joining."
-- Scottie
meg! a snorting-coffee-through-my-nose comment! Hilarious. Considering how malleable the women of the Worthiverse appear to be, it's no wonder Sonia rebounded so quickly from the departure of Bradhat. The only male character who doesn't appear to be scheming to get something from the women of Charterstone is Mr. Allora, although Ian Cameron is pretty ham-handed at it...
Sonia is quite the pushover, yes? I wonder if Keith dropped something in her rootbeer. That would be terrible, and not really allowed in the Worthiverse. But it's fine for women to be wishy-washy, brainless wonders.
meg: thank you for that green mental picture.
Anonymous: thanks for pointing that out. I wonder why he got so upset.
When they return from The Food Clown with a half a dozen steaks and a couple pot roasts, Sonia goes off the rails. "MURDERERS!!!"
-- Scottie
Scottie, I anticipate an All Beef dinner too, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Sonia dives right in. Her convictions seem to be loosey-goosey. The Stevie Wonder effect has tempered her antipathy toward “the man,” and I’m thinking her veganism is fly by night too.
The festive dinner at home will be a perfect time for Keith to mention how prudent it is for him to get a paternity test before he starts throwing cash at Sonia. Just kidding! We all know that KM’s mind doesn’t work that way; she’s all for romantic happy and sappy endings.
Looks like Kitty is on Keith's menu, if you know what I mean - nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.
But Frank, is she a goer?
I too am wondering if Sonia will join them for dinner. Maybe a big side salad?
My nephew, who has been vegan for many years, has pointed out that "the occasional vegan" is catching on as a less strict way to ease into a plant-based diet. Mark Bittman even has a cookbook, 'Vegan Before Six' which means you only eat meat for dinner (occasionally).
Kitty’s hidden talents include running errands, counting, and inviting pairs of older men to dinner dates with her daughter.
Good Heavens, KM. Take it easy. You've really whipped up the crowd today!
Keith agreed to ride shotgun and let a woman drive? Highly unlikely, if you ask me.
Anyway, all this coyness is making me ill.
-- Scottie
Blargh....
God point, Scottie. Keith letting a woman drive her own Grapemobile with him in the passenger seat? Shocking!
“Keith, I had no idea you had such musical skills!”
“I taught myself guitar years ago…today was the first time I picked one up since then. I guess guitar playing is like riding a bike. Or a horse!”
SUNDAY
It would be a scream if Keith’s mustache would stick under Kitty’s schnoz when they stop smooching. It would be even funnier if neither of them noticed and they walk into Food Team like that. (I bet June would love to draw that.)
Kitty, musing on the most unromantic kiss ever: “Yecch! How long before I can con him into shaving that mustache?”
“Talking while kissing. I’m going to need to your love license, mam.”
I wonder if Keith's mustache smells like beef.
If Kitty and Keith decide to tie the knot, they can do it in style in Cleveland! The Music Box Supper Club, a terrific venue, is presenting a Stevie Wonder tribute on Friday, January 26: https://musicboxcle.com/event/stevie-wonder-night-jan26/
The next day, the lovebirds can continue the celebration by touring the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. What a way to start off their long-delayed married life. January in Cleveland - nothing can top that!
KitKat's absolutely right. Today's invigorating 5-degree temperature here (6 if you can find a place in the sun) might freeze your fingertips, but don't get uptight, everything is alright when you're living for the city.
Okay, enough of that nonsense. Stay warm all.
-- Scottie
I’m about 20 miles south of Cleveland, where the temperature has soared to a balmy 15 degrees…
What really interests me is that Keith is expecting to find a happy future at the supermarket. Is this just a California thing, or can I put it on my next Instacart order at Giant Eagle?
I wonder what will happen next. Wilbur? Seems like it's time, doesn't it?
Wait, what about the grocery shopping? What foods did Keith and Kitty buy for dinner, and was everything non-plant based? Hmpf.
Either Keith is singing and playing VERY LOUD or Mary has super-duper hearing. Let’s all call Mr. Alora to complain about the noise.
Wonderful comments, everyone! And thanks for the notice about the Stevie Wonder tribute night at the Music Box in Cleveland, KitKat. I forget sometimes that we have a NE Ohio contingency on this blog. Good to remember there is a real world outside the Worthiverse. I am intrigued to see Mary looking up, a pose I don't think I've see her hold in the past. Perhaps JB is getting ready to illustrate several characters gazing skyward at the full eclipse that will be happening April 8. Best place to view it will be, yes, Cleveland! But maybe Santa Royale will get some of the shade...
[Mary thought balloon] "Hmmm, singing and playing an instrument, two more things that Jeff doesn't care about. I need some excitement in my life. Maybe I'll show Keithy Weithy that there's still some fire in this old hearth of mine. I'll invite him over for some hearty tuna and broccoli casserole and see where my feminine wiles may lead us. . . . [sings] Isn't he lovely . . ."
-- Scottie
Doh! I forgot about Mary's victory lap!! What a dumb newbe mistake.
Looks like Keith might want a Sonia version 2.
LouiseF, Dave from Parma was a regular contributor to MW & Me many years back. I don't recall if he was around before you signed on to our merry snark machine. And yes, the eclipse, happening just as the Guardians' home opener begins! Maybe that will attract Mary. She hasn't traveled in years. "Hello, Ken Kensington, you handsome devil! It's me, Mary! Mary WORTH: W as in wombat, o as in octopus, r as in rabble rouser, t as in tomatillo, and h as in hacienda. Remember our adventure in the Big Apple, when you rescued me from the Central Park Troll? Such fun! Would you like to meet me in Cleveland for the eclipse in April? We can have a weekend to remember!"
I don’t know but I wouldn’t be so happy (as Mary) to live in a building with such poor construction that you could hear someone singing and playing music outside. Doesn’t her complex have a noise ordinance?
I still think Keith is undercover, his personality change is unbelievable
Uh-oh.
Dum-da-dum dum . . .
-- Scottie
Tomorrow: "Hello Keith! You sounded so happy when I heard you singing and playing your guitar yesterday that I decided to visit you to catch up. I brought my basket with me; muffins, banana bread, or me [Mary bats her eyelashes]?"
“I think I’ll pay him a visit tomorrow.” Sounds even more ominous than “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse”
I don't know. Looks like Mary has been standing in front of the building so long, her celery has turned brown. Either that or she's shopping at the day-old produce counter again.
I was worried yesterday that Mary's milk container would squash whatever was under it in the bag. No worries. This milk will be soured by the time Mary gets to her apartment at this rate.
The Infernal Muffin Machine is on overdrive. Note how Mary manages to handle muffin pans without usually her thumbs.
Mary, can you imagine what it’s like to suddenly discover having 17 great-great-grandchildren in your 100s?
using, not usually [darn autocorrect]
Trying to imagine a recipe that would result in white muffins.
"Hmm, I wonder if six dozen is enough. Well, I better make six dozen more dozen just to be sure."
Mary must wear out six dozen oven mitts a year.
-- Scottie
Of course Mary can't imagine finding out about surprise progeny at midlife. She isn't that imaginative, except for making muffins that look suspiciously like they have a face. And such a tidy cook! No muffin batter splashed around that bowl...
Reminds me of that comedy bit that Elayne Boosler had years ago about "not having any children, at least none that I know of!"
Well, the Comic Curmudgeon points out that Mary believes you can change the past by thinking about it differently. So, normally that phrase "children that I know of" only applies to men, but maybe Mary just doesn't remember having had a daughter.
On the other hand, maybe her late husband, Jack, had a little surprise package eons ago. As KitKat points out, she would be several generations on by now.
What if dear Jack’s belated woodscolt (from his hot-blooded private secretary) shows up demanding his/her share of Jack’s life insurance proceeds which have kept Mary “comfortable” for more than 90 years? Could we please have a long drawn-out courtroom battle over the cash? I’d pay to see Mary being cross-examined by well-known attorney Gracie Nance.
Mary has perfected her unique pick-up-a-hot-muffin-tray-by-one-corner technique. Do not try this at home.
-- Scottie
P.S. Also, so not put on your oven mitt backwards.
-- Scottie
Ooh, meg, that courtroom battle would be fantabulous, which means that KM wouldn't touch that plot with a 100-ft pole.
Scottie, you're right on with Mary's large inventory of oven mitts. The pair she's using today is not yesterday's pair. Does she throw them away after using them (tsk tsk)? She also ditched her apron between yesterday and today's strips.
"I just hope for his sake it works out for him!" Oh come on, Mary. We know you're hoping for a gigantic family trauma so you can comfort Keith with tea, sympathy, and inedible (and possibly sickness inducing) muffins.
As soon as Mary mentioned DNA, that’s Chekhov’s gun right on the table. Or, at least, Chekhov’s muffin.
We've been 'treated' to extensive muffin baking for days now. I'm guessing that Moy made MLK day last a week. Too bad June couldn't keep up the continuity.
Tiny fork-
I wondered why it took Mary (or Moy)so long to think of DNA testing. Could that be the next development?
What am I thinking? The cold must be getting to me.
Chekhov: I salute both you and your eponymous gun!
And I agree that is a big fat clue! But if she’s not Keith’s kid, who’s her daddy? And what’s Kitty’s game? Can’t wait until Labor Day when we may get some resolution.
I figured Mary would knock on Keith's door with a giant basket o' muffins, not a takeout plastic plate and cover with only a half dozen. What did she do with the remaining dozens she was furiously baking?
"Everything brings something GOOD, no matter how things seem." Really, Mary? So, continuing with the DNA testing idea, Keith finds out that he is not Sonia's father and that Kitty has been trying to scam him; the good part of that is despite his happy family dream being crushed, he continues to be Mary's neighbor and she dumps disgusting baked goods on him weekly. That's good, right?
I wish we could have been reading Mary's real thoughts this week, instead of a plot re-cap and platitudes.
'Hmm..I'll bake some muffins and take them over to Keith so I can pump him for details on his so-called daughter. I wonder how many muffins I'll need to give me time to suggest DNA testing...Hmmmm....'
@MissScarlet: To pick up on your conversation:
"Well, he's a pretty big guy. I'll probably need about eight dozen to get him warmed up. . . . Hope he doesn't have to spend too much time in the bathroom."
-- Scottie
“My muffins are always a hit…people tend to slap them out of my hands when I offer them some.”
Not only bacon and cheddar muffins, they’re homemade, as opposed to from the local gas station. Mary has figured out that the way to Keith’s heart is through high-fat, nitrate-laden food. Stand by for her all-beef muffins.
Tea?? How about a beer?
Oooh, raw bacon and cheddar muffins. That’s savory, all right. Keith may not make it to Kitty’s today. I hope he has some Imodium of Kaopectate on hand. Maybe both.
Ha haaaa, today's strip is the definition of "camp." I love how completely absurd it is!
"I'm a fan of savory baked goods," said nobody ever!
Aristotle is cringing in his grave.
-- Scottie
Cheese and Bacon muffins? Sounds like Savory Baked Goods that smell like day-old intermediary Foot Apparel!!!
Sheesh! Keith hardly put up a fight. At this rate, Mary will have all week to congratulate herself and bask in Keith's happiness.
Wait until Mary tells him she used Fakin' Bacon!
“Every so often I like to try new things” says the woman who always wears drab purple.
Keith’s lap must be full of muffin crumbs.
"Yes, these baked goods are so savory! I'm a big fan."
Spoiled bacon cheddar muffins wouldn't make me as sick as this dialogue does.
--Scottie
Those muffins look kind of blueberry. Maybe she used bleu cheese instead of cheddar...
Mary must be talking non-stop about those muffins. She hasn't even given Keith a chance to spill his news.
Tomorrow: sharp cheddar or mild? Turkey bacon or pork? Wheat flour or bran?
Uh, Mary?
Yes, dear?
What’s in the muffins?
Store brand bacon.
Cooked?
Of course, silly man, it cooks in the oven when I bake the muffins!
And what kind of cheese?
Store brand collage cheese.
So that’s why they’re white-ish instead of yellowish?
Yes, all cheese is the same color in the dark.
You made these in the dark?
It’s an old Charterstone tradition.
And what are the crusty dark bits?
Well, I’m not really sure, because it was dark. If I used the flour from Food Team, it’s probably weevils. If I used the flour from
Rowlph’s, it’s probably roaches.
Keith: ROWLPH…ROWLPH…ROWLPH…
MARY: Sorry you’re not feeling well. I’ll come back when you’re better. Ta’.
COMING NEXT WEEK! Liver and lima bean muffins!
-- Scottie
Keith seems to be perpetually drawn with a head that is out of proportion to the size of his body. Maybe he's the Incredible Hulk...
Thank you Meg! You conversation is much better than today's strip.
EEK! Not COLLAGE cheese! Cottage cottage cottage! (faints from embarrassment) Well, it was dark.
@meg: no, you had it right the first time. Mary thriftily cobbles together all the leftover cheese remnants in her fridge—a little cheddar there, the last bit of Brie, a forgotten mozzarella string cheese—she calls it “collage cheese”. And what if there’s a touch of mold here and there? Isn’t cheese a kind of mold, anyway?
My daughter wasn't interested in having a relationship with me early on, but a couple days passed, we had dinner and I played a song on a guitar and we're all good now. Hey, wanna watch me crush this muffin?
Keith might have been less enthusiastic about Stevie Wonder if he ever heard the song "Front Line", a song he did in 1982 that protested the results of serving in Vietnam. And thank you, meg for "collage cheese". I will never look at cottage cheese the same way. I love fauxprof's idea that spruces up boring cottage cheese!
Keith really ought to get that goiter checked out.
-- Scottie
Yes, Sonia was uptight, but now she's alright. We can work it out. Shoo-Bee-Doo-Bee-Doo-Da-Day. Thank heavens for Stevie Wonder.
Funny fact: it's not uncommon for pubs in the UK to blend left over cheeses together and serve them as a bar snack spread. Collage would be a perfect name.
I’ll take collage cheese over collagen cheese.
"I can be your family, Keith. Let me be your family. Hold that muffin over your plate, dear, you're getting crumbs all over. See, wasn't that familyish? You look like you could use a hug. Lord knows I could. Hold me, Keith."
"Uhhhh . . . :
-- Scottie
Ok, OK, We get that Keith's been living under a rock or maybe serving a military tour in the Antarctic for the past 20 years. I'm not sure what else could explain his surprise over getting to interact with other humans. It may be the influence of that great humanitarian, Mary Worth.
Wow! Mary made that muffin grow! Or, did Keith's hand shrink?
Oh, Louise, you know it had to be Mary.
Scottie, I hope you’re onto something with your love- struck Mary idea. We’ve never seen Mary plying Jeff with muffins. I fact, the only time we’ve seen Jeff in Mary’s home is the obligatory Thanksgiving dinner with the Weston’s and Camerons.
“I usually drive over to Taft…or they come here.” Just how much time has passed? We haven’t seen Kitty and Sonia visiting Keith. I can’t believe Mary’s Meddle Sense wouldn’t prompt her to drop in for THAT. And, what’s the distance between Santa Royale and Taft?
Darn autocorrect changed “Westons” to “Weston’s” — harrumph!
"Ahem, Keith, I feel obligated to remind you that we do not countenance living in sin here at Charterstone. Duly married couples in the eyes of God only. I hope you heed this advice. Others have learned the hard way."
-- Scottie
Move to Taft, Keith. Kitty has an actual house, not a one-bedroom condo. You can manage without the raw bacon/cheddar muffins. Even Sonia’s vegan experiments would be better. So, do us all a favor, move away because you may be the most boring Worthiverse character of all time, and you’re going up against Saul and Eve and their dogs.
@fauxprof: so true!
I thought this would be the moment for Mary to tell Keith about the vacant 2-bedroom just coming available in Charterstone. But Keith is too boring even for Mary. It's off to Taft for him.
Taft to Goleta is 117 miles. We know that Santa Royale is next to Goleta, so that is probably a close estimate.
And right on cue, the lovey doves are back! How sickly sweet!
-- Scottie
"And on another note, I've become Vegan!"
Mary is very interested to hear about Keith's journey with Kitty. Especially since she's never had anything close to this with Jeff.
Aristotle scores back-to-back quote-box honors! The crowning achievement of his life and legacy!
I wonder how warm and fuzzy the three of them are going to feel when Kitty and Sonia find out what really happened to BradHat. I'm guessing they will not be amused.
-- Scottie
Ye gods, this has got to be one of the most excruciating couch-based victory laps ever. It’s got everything; muffins, lavender upholstery, platitudes, and a repetitive summary of the last three repetitive summaries. I feel like we’re in some particularly hellish version of the Allegory of the Cave.
I see even June is climbing the walls at this point; she’s playfully aligned Keith’s obligatory “THANKS, Mary!” at the precise center of her lampshade. In reality Mary has installed a Sonos speaker there which loudly intones this at regular intervals.
Are we done here? If so, thanks so much, Keith. Need help packing? Mr. Allora will be right over. We’ll miss you, especially if the next story features Wilbur.
I wonder if Mary will notice that Keith has no intention of eating that muffin. Can't say that I blame him.
Fin
Just when all of us are hoping and praying that this is the end of the Saga of Kitty, Keith, and Mr. Wonder, a stomach-turning thought arises: Keith has not yet profusely thanked Mary for all her help in saving him from his lonely bachelor life. A victory lap is incomplete without the victim groveling at Mary’s feet!
So today my newspaper chain has decided to discontinue Mary Worth and Me. Now I can break my addiction of checking a comic that everyday I find is growing more and more boring. Be well everyone
Sure... Nothing at all creepy about a 20-year-old sitting in a cramped condo with her mother and the father that she met just a few weeks ago, singing a song about her conception. Yup, I can totally see how realistic this is.
This is just so cloyingly creepy. I really thought we were done and dusted with the saga of Keith. I don’t blame Wanders for retiring.
As hmmm and fauxprof remarked, the word of the day (and probably the week) is “creepy.” KM has an extremely peculiar idea of romance — ughhhhh. Maybe tomorrow we’ll see a smiling Mary outdoors, gazing up at Keith’s window and patting herself on the back.
Per Judi’s remark above, I wonder what newspaper chain gave MW the boot. Fraught times for newspapers and related media (sigh)….
At least JB gets the thrill of drawing not one but TWO guitars, both apparently acoustic. And they've been doing so many Stevie Wonder songs, I'm thinking he will be wanting residuals soon...
Yeah, KM, we get it already! Now how about you send Sonny and Cher here out on tour for a couple months and the rest of us can all move on to something else.
-- Scottie
Well, honestly, it might not have been "love" at that time, 20 years ago. Right?
@Judi: I haven't seen a newspaper carry MW in years and no newspapers carry Mary Worth and Me. Check out Comics Kingdom for all the Mary Worth you'll ever want. We will be here if you decide to return, for as long as Wanders lets us stay.
My paper (which I read online) is part of the USA TODAY network, on January 29th they decided to revamp the entire comics pages, dropping some and bringing back old favorites that have been out of print for years. Not sure who made the decision but Mary Worth was among five that got the boot.
I don’t object to heartwarming redemption stories. I’m a sucker for the occasional Hallmark Holiday movie. But today’s strip activated my gag reflex.
So, Sonia -- how goes the revolution?
-- Scottie
The vapidity of the last week or so has severely impaired my snark reflex.
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