Mary Worth 243

"Mary Doesn't Answer Jeff's Calls
and Other Fun Facts About Mary Worth."

Mary sits on a bed.
Mary uses Liquid Pledge.
Mary has a hard mattress.
Mary's pillows don't fluff.
Mary carries a grudge.
Satan fears Mary.

Mary Worth 241

I'd like to point out that one year ago yesterday, Drew Corey and Vera Shields met for the first time: "Well, hello there! The name's Drew Corey! Dr. Drew Corey! And what might yours be?" And here it is, one year later, and as I pointed out the other day, Karen Moy is recycling the exact same plot. But this time, Mary is Vera, and she's torturing another Dr. Corey. If she and Ron end up going to the Junction Road Cafe, full of rotating donut display cases, and having a painfully dull and lengthy discussion with Jeff about how wonderful it is to be playing the field at this age, I may have to start reading Hagar the Horrible, which makes no pretense about its quality.

Mary Worth 240

Why, Mary Worth, you little ol' flirt. So the rumors are true.

Today's strip has really helped to advance the plot. Now we can watch Mary screen calls from Dr. Jeff Corey as she waits for Ron Amalfi to call back tomorrow and tell her all about their dinner plans. Just like last week. The best thing about Ron is that he keeps Mary waiting by the phone and off the street, meddling, where she can do real damage.

Mary Worth 239

This looks familiar,

Vaguely familiar,


Almost unreal yet,
It's too soon to feel yet,

Close to my soul, and yet,
So far away

I'm going to go back there someday.

Mary Worth 238

Wow. We always knew she was a selfish, acrimonious old dame, but this is just awesome! This is what happens when Mary Worth stops taking her meds. Her true colors come shining through, and she's beautiful, like a rainbow. In honor of today's strip, I've added "True Colors" to the Charterstone Jukebox on the right.

I wonder if Ron Amalfi knows anything about her plans? I don't even want to think about what plans she might have. Heaven help the man.

(By the way, if you haven't read NellieOlsen'sConjoinedTwin's poem in yesterday's comments section, do not miss it. The poem is even better than her name! Positively medieval.)

Mary Worth 237

Because of her hearing loss, Mary Worth has her voice mail machine turned up so loudly that passersby can hear it, even through closed windows. She keeps her windows closed in this gorgeous weather to help cultivate that old lady smell inside her apartment. And it is the old lady smell that has turned Mary into a cranky old game playing love diva. "I'd like to forgive you, Jeff, but after what you said about my breaking our date so I could go to La Rosa with Ron, well, I think I'm going to have to key your car and carve my name into your bucket seats."

Mary Worth 236

I would scream, "Run, Jeff. Run," but really, where would he go? He's crawling back to Mary Worth determined, in his doctorly way, to fix things, even if it means sacrificing his chances at a normal happy life. On the other hand, Mary has some great legs at 67. So, maybe he knows what he's doing. I don't think it is worth it, but who am I to judge?

Mary Worth 235

I never want to see Mary Worth showing this much skin again. Ever.

Fortunately, Jeff is now crawling back as we all new he would. Unless of course, Mary has simply added that last bit on the outgoing message of her answering machine to bring her comfort in her loneliness.

Mary Worth 234

I agree with Toby completely. That is unfortunate! I would have paid money to watch Mary Worth go all Sean Penn on some hapless photographer for the Santa Royale News.

This is a funny rose garden. I assume it is a public garden, either on the Charterstone compound proper or nearby. Either way, Mary feels perfectly at ease walking around with her pruning shears snipping roses and then discarding them wherever she pleases. Oh, I get it. Another profound metaphor for how Mary Worth treats everyone.

Mary Worth 233

Speaking of reactions, yesterday there was some political controversy. I'm not speaking of whether or not Barak Obama agressively pursued an agreement on public campaign financing with McCain, or whether their staff discussions solved the 527 problem that surely would have made a joke of any such agreement. No, I'm talking about me. Yes, yesterday I joined with the Sierra Club, American Steel, AFSCME, Al Gore and a host of other evil-doers, and endorsed Barak Obama for President.

But just because Wanders endorses Obama, do not fear: Mary Worth proudly endorses John McCain, and here, in his own words, is why: