Mary Worth 2828

I can only think of one thing...

Mary Worth 2827

From outside the door: "Mary's Muffins is nothing without me! I'm the only reason you'll be giving out free samples on Saturday! If it weren't for me, your only customer would be Wilbur Weston! How do you plan to bake millions of muffins, and still have time to do all the marketing? Huh? How? Tell me that, baby. Now let me back in and we'll discuss roadside signage. Hello? Baby? ... Are you still there? Hello?"

Mary Worth 2826

I for one am sad to see that Ted has dropped his head muffin as unceremoniously as the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette dropped Mary Worth from its print pages over the weekend. What a tragic loss. Ten year's ago, this site helped to save Mary Worth in Pittsburgh, but now, without consulting us, The PPG has decided that no one needs a good laugh anymore in Steel City.

Mary Worth 2825

For those of you who think nothing ever happens in the Sunday strip, hold on to your skullcap because your mind is about to explode.

First, Karen Moy googled "Self-Defense Quotes" to great results.

Of course, Connor McGregor is a mixed martial arts champion (the term "art" being applied very liberally here). And as we're about to see, even gray-haired old ladies can learn a thing or two from watching Fight Network, for those times when they have to fight off hormone-infused turtleneck wearing septuagenarians.

Oh no! What a horrible position to be in! Especially with her rheumatoid arthritis. But wait!

After a well-earned slap, Ted Miller finds himself fighting against Mary's powerful mind control as she telekinetically pushes Ted to the floor.

Where he lands...

...With a muffin on the top of his head!

Ha ha ha ha ha! Sexual assualt is so funny!

Mary Worth 2824

If you had asked me six months ago what words I would expect never to hear in this comic strip, "I KNOW you want ME as much as I want YOU, Mary!" would have been my exact answer. But here we are.

Mary Worth 2823

Ted ought to go into business with Dawn. She'll go out with anyone.

As several have already pointed out, we should never forget that this strip is being written by someone who thought it was perfectly legitimate for an undergrad coed to go over to her male professor's house to practice yoga with him. I'd like to believe that that storyline was the tipping point for the #metoo movement. This is the second attempt since then to take an opposite viewpoint. But I demand at least 27 more stories about women being harassed before we forgive Karen Moy for Harlan Jones.

Mary Worth 2822

I sometimes wonder if this is some elaborate plot of Jeff's, to help Mary appreciate the benefits of being off the market.

Mary Worth 2821

I'm not that bright, so it is difficult for even this strip to insult my intelligence. But when it does, I tend to get a little worked up. Why in the world would a grocery store allow someone to do this? What's their cut? It's not like they're doing it for charity, like letting the Girl Scouts sell cookies out front. It isn't like they've contracted with a temp agency to provide minimum-wage workers to hand out a chip with some salsa on it to Costco shoppers. This is about undermining sales in their bakery department. And it makes no logical sense.

Usually, I can make it to about June before I invoke my first logical fallacy penalty, but this year I'm calling it in early.

Mary Worth 2820

Hey, here's something else they have in common! They both hold their expensive cell phones in that impossibly awkward and risky way. It's meant to be!

Mary Worth 2819

Mary Worth is not a hugger.