It's good to see the Unita del Mare being raised back to its upright position. Yesterday it was lying on its side half submerged. If not for the coming together of porpoises and a team of hyper-intelligent flounders, the ship would still be under water.
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I don't trust a word coming from this smoothie bastard with his pencil thin mustache and his Clark Kent hairstyle, let alone the hapless retreading of the true plot into something to fit Moy's platitudes.
Why has Toby changed into her special mourning halter top? Wilbur and Dawn made it out alive!
--Beagle Vet
Let's see what Wilbur and Dawn have
to say when they return home. The cruise didn't last only but a day or two and maybe it was suppose to be. It turns out for the best.
Toby is really dressed up for a simple television news viewing party over at Mary's. Tubby wore a simple short-sleeved sport shirt. She looks like she dolled up in pearl earrings and a Little Black Dress.
I'm shocked at Mary's breach of etiquette. I don't see any beverage or snack at what has obviously turned into a Dressy Affair, now that Toby has changed into more formal attire.
Here we go again with the leaning tower of Charterstone...
And what's up with the sudden case of jaundice??
Exclusive to the Santa Royale Whig Herald:
Karen Moy Strikes Back!
by Ivana Newman, fresh from being plucked from the Mediterranean by kind strangers
After recent revelations and accusations by "Uncle Joe" Giella, Karen Moy is anxious to rebut the scandalous charges. She has invited your humble investigative reporter to her luxurious condo to set the record straight. Ms. Moy, a petite brunette wearing a lavender pantsuit, seats herself on an orange sofa, pink curtains framing a panoramic view of downtown Santa Royale behind her. She leans forward urgently, and begins to speak:
"Giella is full of crap! "Uncle Joe", indeed! He's not my uncle. He only got that nickname because of his resemblance to the original Uncle Joe Stalin!
(note from Ivana: Whoa, Karen, why don't you tell us how you really feel?)
" He pretends to be so helpless in this situation, subject to the whims of my story lines. It didn't have to be that way. I gave him plenty of opportunities to have input into the stories, and do you know what he suggested? One of his worst ideas, but not unexpected, was to make the Worth characters into super-heroes. I ask you, does anyone want to see Mary, Ian, and Wilbur in skin-tight leotards? And his idea for the names of the so-called heroes were just ridiculous: Oldwoman, Scotsman, and Fatman!
"Another of his genius ideas was to turn Charterstone into a nudist colony. Without warning, he sent me an illustration of a nudist pool party- I couldn't turn that paper facedown fast enough! But I'll have the last laugh on that one. I put it into a thick envelope, marked it "To be opened when Moy and Giella have gone to that great Charterstone in the Sky", and put it into my safe deposit box. My grandchildren will never want for anything when that panel is put up for sale at the Comic-Con auction of the future.
(note from Ivana: EWWWWWWWWWWW!
"Normally, I don't pay much attention to the MW strips when they actually appear in the paper. I mean, been there, seen that, would rather read something really clever like Blondie or Family Circus. But when someone suggested I might want to take a good look at the background of some of the panels...there was Mary with a machine gun at Gina's wedding, presumably because of rumors in the Worthiverse that the mob would show up....and Mary with a parrot on her shoulder, muttering Aaaarrr while on Dr. Jeff's boat....Nola kissing Hobo....Ian riding a Harley with a redhead sitting behind him, her (very long) arms embracing his waist...Dr. Drew at a bathhouse, Dr. Jeff passed out in his office- although that would explain his early retirement...
"Now, of course, I look over Joe's so-called art very carefully. Here's how I got my revenge: Joe not only does the illustrations, he inks the dialog as well. He gets paid by the letter. I have made a deliberate attempt to make the dialog as terse as possible, and to give characters the shortest possible names. For example, there will never be anyone named something like Delilah or Lawrence, ever again! Even Toby seems kind of long. If I could shorten Ian, I would. New characters will be Ed, Cy, Hy, Bo, Al, Lu, An, De, you see where I'm going. When Wilbur returns, he'll be slim, wearing Italian suits, and will be known as Wil.
"For those who have noticed Ian's increased girth- gee, how did Joe manage to squeeze the three of them onto that couch?- there's a reason behind it- and there's a fat behind behind it, too! Ian has developed diabetes, and his story will be all about exercise, vegetarian meals (look for Mary's veggie terrine to make an appearance), and Mary spouting off about moderation, etc. The cap for this story line will be Mary, Ian, Wil, and Toby competing in the Santa Royale Iron Man Competition. Depending on reader response, these may be Ian's last few months in the strip.
"So, that's how things are now that Giella has revealed himself to be the snake I always suspected he was. War in the Worthiverse! Only one can survive. Thanks for your valuable time, Ivana, or, as you would be in the strip, Iv."
Thank you, Karen Moy.
No one can match our girl meg, but she has given me food for thought, specifically the new and improved Wilbur, or Wil. In addition to the new lean body type and Italian suits, he's got to get either contacts or Lasix. And there's nothing sexy about a combover, nor a toupee; so it's either implants, or the Patrick Stewart or Sean Connery route. This old gal is all a tremble at the thought...
Where do you suppose Dawn and Wilber will go with the free cruise they are going to get?
Still waiting for Ian to utter a word. Though we're likely to howl at his pomposity once he does.
I suspect Ian is silently wishing HE could be a sea captain and sink a ship and get on the news.
Ian's thinking of how he can get this made into a travelogue narrated by the Italian version of Sean Flannery (or was it Finnery? I can't remember): Seanvatore DelFlannorio.
--Beagle Vet
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