Mary Worth 3258

I thought Wilbur's "rock bottom" was standing on the Cliffs of Despair with a bottle in his hand preparing to jump. But I was wrong. It was spilling noodles on his shirt on an awkward double date with his ex and her boyfriend.

Mary Worth 3257

"Wilbur, I really appreciate your commitment to sobriety, and your desire to apologize for your drunkenness on our last date. And what better place to make that apology than the Star Lounge."

Mary Worth 3256

I can't wait to show you how long my pinky finger is growning!

Mary Worth 3255

That can't be a real wreath. It must be some sort of applique. How vulgar. Also a palm tree so near your window? That's a messy mistake. But, if your comfortable with vulgar and messy mistakes, by all means, date Wilbur.

Mary Worth 3254

Mary: Wilbur is charmingly quirky

Mary: Wilbur will get over Iris

Mary: Estelle, don't give up on the alcoholic you sang songs with a couple of times.

I'm sorry Mary, that's three strikes. You're advice is meaningless at best, and potentially dangerous, so I'm afraid you're going to have to give the advice column back to ... Wilbur. Oh, dear. We are doomed.

Mary Worth 3253

Could Mary be wrong on both counts? I mean she thinks Iris and Wilbur are still together. In Moy-logic, ipso facto, Wilbur and Iris must be destined for one another. My feelings about our characters fluctuate frequently. Today, I like Estelle more than Mary. And I like that brick of fruitcake more than Estelle.

Mary Worth 3252

"I've got just the thing to cheer you up. How about a big steamy bowl of manure? Because seriously, you've earned it."

Mary Worth 3251

No, Estelle, not even the lonely can figure you out. 

Since the Charterstone Jukebox has been taken out of the clubhouse for Christmas, I’ve added Roy Orbison’s only Christmas song to the Charterstone Christmas Jukebox: “Pretty Papers” - it’s a guilt-trip-and-a-half, and isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

Mary Worth 3250

But, Wilbur, your alcoholism is comedy gold! Don't sober up now.

Mary Worth 3249

Zak, why do you think you can possibly succeed when a much more manly man like Wilbur has already failed?